Noobdom
by WaterBudget
Summary: Freak449 is just a noob who can’t remember anything of his past. Lovestruck and naïve, he never expects to become involved in a plot against the powerful and cruel Lord Luxon, who has enslaved noobs like Freak for his own benefit. Final chapter FINALLY up
1. Existence

"Hello?"

"Well, hi." I have failed to notice I had just come into existence. "Who are you? Where am I?" Ooh, I can speak. My memory is terrible. I just remember shooting chickens with wind strike or somethin' and then…a blank.

"I'm Lady Lore12."

"You got a number at the end of your name," I point out.

"Well, duh. You have one, too."

"What's my name?" Yes, I didn't remember anything! Stop making fun of me. I know you are! Um… I'll stop now.

"Pretty Flower45."

"But I'm a guy. Well, I think." I need a moment to sort out my thoughts. A second later, I harbor no doubt. "Yeah, I'm definitely male. That much I can remember. So, Lady Lore, where are we?"

"I'm kidding about your name, noob."

"Noob?"

"Yup. You're a noob, and your name is Freak449."

"Freak?" In my head, I secretly disparage my name. Did I choose that name? Such bad taste is so utterly gauche. Anyway, I turn to my lady companion. "Where are we?"

"Runescape, darling."

"I thought my name was Freak." This lady is starting to bother me. She calls me far too many names for my liking. I mean, sure, Pretty Flower45 and noob and Freak449 ain't so bad but Darling?

Lady Lore gives a great, mournful sigh and then smiles down at me. For the first time, I notice how pretty she is. Gosh, hormones are kicking in! Freak, get a hold of yourself! Fine, but no guy would fail to notice her sleek, warrior-like form and her bright, red hair. Besides, she has cool green armor. My favorite color is green, but that's not the point.

"Noob, you okay?"

"I'm fine," I stutter. Caught to be the pervert I am. She didn't notice me staring at her, did she? To take my mind off my lustful mood, I stare at the wooden shield in one hand and the bronze sword in the other. Um, I'm a pacifist. I'm not sure it's going to work out, what with all this weaponry I'm lugging around. Well, I think I was a pacifist unless I decided to become one all of a sudden. You know, my memory is pitiable. I must keep thinking. Meanwhile, Lady Lore is tapping her toes and giving me an impatient look. I decide to bombard her with questions in hopes that I'd learn more about the freakish (haha) world around me.

"Where in Runescape am I? Is it a big place?"

"You're in Lumbridge, and I guess Runescape's a big enough place." Lady Lore suddenly ducks as an arrow flies by to pierce a nearby rat. Her face grows angry, and I follow her gaze to a blond guy in some fancy leather gear. He has pointy things on his clothes…I wonder if they'd hurt if you touched them?

"Wolfbane23, what are you doing here?" Lady Lore does not look pleased. Man, the look on her face is scary. Through the myriad of people in this so-called Lumbridge, I take a closer look at the guy. His sudden switch from studded leather to light blue armor alarms me. I trip over myself and fall into the fountain behind me. It's a great place to have a fountain…really. I'm not being sarcastic at all.

Good news: Lady Lore is looking at me with concern, erasing the scary look from her face. Bad news: Wolfbane is now interested in me. He stands by Lady Lore and smirks. She moves away and pulls me from my stagnant fountain. I dub that fountain Freak's Bane. Honestly. Wet and disgruntled, I'm in no mood to deal with this Wolfbane.

I'm not crazy! This guy gives me the shivers. Or maybe I'm shivering because I'm wet. Evaporation is a cooling process, you know. God, am I a geek? I don't rightly remember. Ah, well, until I do…let's pretend I'm not. Geeks aren't half bad anyway, but I don't think I want to admit that in front of Lady Lore.

"Well, Lady Lore, what have we here?"

"He's a noob, Wolfbane. Leave him alone." Dear me. Scary look alert! Lady Lore is glowering at Blondie with the poison of a thousand venoms. OOO, literary language. Freaks! Am I a freak, geek, and poet all wrapped into one neat package? Guess I'll never know until I find out who I really am. Hmm. Is it just me or does that sound corny?

"You're level sixty-two, Lore. Don't hang out with worthless noobs."

"You and your egotistical garbage can go jump into the Karajama Volcano!" Lady Lore snaps. "Ever since you reached level sixty-five, you've been getting cockier. Being a player killer isn't what it's cracked up to be!"

"It's everything, Lore." Is that affection in Wolfbane's voice? Ew to the thousandth power. NO, I've never liked math. I think. "I saved you from that world. Remember…we were in level forty wilderness. A demon came after you. Who saved you, Lore?"

"You did." It looked as if Lady Lore owed Wolfbane big time. Though, I can't understand half of what they were talking about. Lady Lore glances at me. "Freak, the wilderness is a terrible area where people can kill others. There are also a lot of dangerous creatures out there. I suggest you train on some chickens."

"I'll bring him to the wilderness and train him my style." Wolfbane laughs. Well, no thank you, sir. I don't mind being killed though I don't know who I am and have existed for about twenty minutes…and I loathe Wolfbane. I hate every inch of his pretty (ooh, shiny) armor and his blonde hair (very stylish). I hate him for taking my Lady Lore. Um, I mean being mean to Lady Lore. Kind of.

"I don't think-" I start to say.

"Think?" Wolfbane interrupts. "What noob thinks? All they do is run into walls and die." Oh, jeez. I've never run into a wall. Of course, I haven't moved from the spot I was called into existence on. There's a wall a few meters in front of me, but I don't think I'd crash into it. I'm not that clumsy.

"Leave," Lady Lore says. "I need to take Freak449 to the chickens."

"Okay. Have fun." Blondie leaves, and I rejoice. I keep my smile to a minimum lest Lady Lore think of more names to call me.

"To the chickens?" For me, the world is a wonderful place as long as Lady Lore is there. She seems so wise and beautiful…and I just stop myself from rambling.

"To the chickens," she agrees with a beautiful laugh. Gulp. I'm a noob in love.


	2. Meeting Hamlet

"How come you've lost your memory?"

"I keep asking myself the same thing over and over again. I honestly can't remember anything." Lady Lore and I are walking along a gray path. She takes me past some cows and then she stops in front of an interesting looking place. By interesting, I mean, shoddy. The fence is of dull, gray stone. The wooden fence is open, practically inviting us in. Creepy.

There's an even shoddier house inside the fence and a chicken coop. Ah, look: chickens. They peck and peck, and I can't help wonder if they don't have anything better to do in their spare time. They don't look hungry. They're just pecking for the fun of it.

"You look appalled." Lady Lore's musical voice is filled with amusement.

"I ain't touching those things."

"They're just chickens," she tells me. "They won't hurt you."

"I'm not worried they're going to hurt me," I murmur. "I'm just disgusted by their behavior. Besides, I'm a pacifist. I can't kill chickens."

"Well, Mr. Pacifist." Ha…new name. "You can stay here and think about it. I need to go." NOOO! I mean, sure she can go. I'm not a clingy, infatuated nitwit! Am I?

"How will I find you again?" I know I sound whiney, but how can I not? She's my guide here, at least, until my memory comes back or until I learn more of this Runescape place. Seems unfriendly. If there are jerks like Wolfbane out there, I might just not want to be here at all.

"Put me on your Friends list."

"My what?" I can't help it. I'm a noob.

"Look in your pack." She points to the brown bag clinging to me. I didn't notice it before…of course, Lady Lore consumes most of my short attention span. Yes, I'm not one for paying attention to detail, and I'm proud of it.

I dig through my cool, brown pack (leather, by the feel of it) and draw out a weird little thing that looks like a calculator. Woah, I know what a calculator is! Was I a mathematical genius? Um, probably not.

I poke a couple of buttons and I'm met with a happy smiley face on the object's screen. How retro. I giggle over these funny faces until Lady Lore smacks my shoulder impatiently.

With shock, I turn to her, but she only laughs. "You're such a noob. The smiley face gives you a list of all your friends. Put me on the first list. Type in my name, darling: Lady Lore12."

"Um, sure." The screen of my little thingamabob is wider than a calculator's. When I pressed a little green button on the side, it gave me all the letters of the alphabet. Ooo, fancy.

With utmost obedience, I type her name in. Her name glows on the screen, and I almost drop the thing. I then notice Lady Lore is looking at the screen over my shoulder. I can smell her sweet breath and hear the sound of her breathing. Freak totally freaked here! I don't want to be rude, so I don't move away. Fine! I like having her so close to me. Glad to have that off my chest.

"Now you can type messages to me wherever I am," Lady Lore informs me while her smell intoxicates me. "I'll see you later, Freak."

"Kay." And just like that, the love of my life is gone. Good God, did I just think "love of my life?!" You know, all this infatuation isn't good for my brain. I think I'll just focus on the chickens. Oh. What do you know? They're still pecking.

"Selling 5000 feathers! 5 gp each!" The sudden cry startles me from my analysis of the clucking, fat chickens. I look up and find a man with no armor at all, equipped with only a bright, deadly, green sword.

"What's gp? Why would I need feathers?" This world was so unfamiliar.

"Gp means gold pieces. It's money, noob…you're only level three. The noobiest of all noobs. Oh and you need feathers for fly fishing." The man pauses to shift his sword to the other shoulder. "By the way, my name's Hamlet346. Just call me Hamlet."

"Um, I'm Freak449." At least, I remember my name.

"Nice to meet you, Freak."

"Hamlet! I'll pay you 4 gp for each feather!" Another man, dark of hair like Hamlet, stumbles up to us. He's blinking twitchily and tripping over himself. He has a fancy blue hat (pointed), and some blue robes (depressed, are we?). He looks like wizard. Ooh, I remembered something! Ahem, moving on.

"I said 5gp," starts off Hamlet.

"4gp," responds the wizard.

"5."

"3."

"4."

"Done." The wizard dude cheerfully exchanges a heavy bagful of what I now know to be moola for the bunch of feathers. Somehow, I feel as if Hamlet has been cheated somehow.

"So what are you standing around for?" Hamlet asks cheerfully. He's tucked his money away.

"Did that guy just trick you?" I ask.

"Nah," Hamlet replies. "My usual price is 2gp, but the fool fell for my trap." Wow, a trap that was sprung by a trap. Impressive. And complex.

"So about these chickens…" I trail off, not sure how to break to my new friend that I'm a pacifist and that the chickens scare me with their zombie-like pecking. "They're like zombies."

"Oh, no." Hamlet shakes his head vigorously. "Zombies are much, much, much worse. I was killed by one once. I wait for the day when I can take revenge. Its disgusting, slimy grip has scarred me for life."

"Sounds like you've been through a lot." These people were so much more experienced than I am. I wish I could have my memory back. Life (or whatever this is) would be so much easier with such knowledge at my disposal. "What level are you?" I can tell levels mattered a lot to these people.

"Twenty-two." Hamlet beams. "Well, Freak, I suggest you get training, and maybe you'll get up to my level."

"You really think I can?" I need encouragement, big time. Without Lady Lore, I'm completely lost. I mean, I want to be a big, bad guy like Wolfbane, but do I have the knowledge, the motivation to do all that? I don't know my way around at all.

"I know you can." With a wink, Hamlet wanders off, leaving me to my thoughts.

**A/N: What do you people think? Should I finish this tale or just forget it?**


	3. Poking Peril

I left the chickens. I loathe them with their pecking! I don't know why their up and down beak motions bother me, but they do! Training on chickens doesn't appeal to me at all.

I whisk the calculator-like thing out of my pocket and look at it in despair. Lady Lore's name is not glowing; I'm assuming she's gone for now. I really want to find Hamlet again, but he's eluded me.

I'm walking along when I bump into a farmer. He waves the pitchfork in my face. "You want a fight, buddy?"

The farmer reeks of alcohol, and I am about to tell him so when I decide it's not a pacifist's place to say anything. "No, I'm sorry I bumped into you."

"You should be sorry," the farmer spat. "I'm so sick of noobs attacking me."

"I'm a pacifist," I tell him.

"No one here is a pacifist," the farmer laughs. His laugh is scary and unreasonable. Seeing as he is drunk, I'm not entirely surprised. "A pacifist won't last a day here…unless you're one of those craftsmen, or woodcutters, or blacksmiths. They don't need to fight for money because they just make money by trade."

"Well, I want to become a high level."

"Then you better start attacking those chickens." The farmer's face turns shifty. "I've never liked my neighbor, Farmer Igor. Make sure you kill his chickens. I don't keep chickens; I like cows."

"Oh, are those your cows over there?" I gesture to the pasture where many cows are mooing.

"Yes, they are. Don't touch them, noob!" The farmer suddenly looks outraged. "Damn it! Those high levels are attacking my cows again. I'll see you later, noob." The farmer rushes off, waving his pitchfork. He's off to scold the people attacking his cows.

"Hmm." I'm at a loss. Everyone has told me to attack chickens. Well, what if I don't want to? I keep walking and pass through a gap between two stone walls. Just beyond the walls are three willow trees.

My heart is glad to see a friendly-looking person hacking away at the willow with a bright blue axe: the same blue as Wolfbane's armor. Like Lady Lore, she is wearing green armor, but her face is covered by a helm. She hums to herself as she cuts, and I wonder vaguely if it's humming to oneself or talking to oneself that characterizes a crazy person.

Desperate for company, I decide to speak with her. "Hello," I say brightly.

"Hi, noob. What do you want?"

"Company, is all I want," I say with a pleasant air.

"Go kill a chicken, noob."

"My name is Freak, and why does everyone keep telling me to kill chickens!"

"You're a noob, Freak."

"So what?"

"So a noob should start off attacking chickens. They can't kill you," the girl says. I'm thinking under the helm lies a smug grin. She thinks she so smart. I think a noob can do whatever he (or she) wants.

"What's your name, anyway?" I say. Despite my dislike of the girl, I need to know her name.

"Dawn719," Dawn murmurs. Aw, what a pretty name for an awful person. "By the way, my woodcutting level is seventy. What's your level?"

"Um…how do I check?"

"Take out your Status."

"My what?" She uses big words. Ag, my head.

"Look in your pack and take out a little gray book with three bars on it."

"Okay." Feeling rather resentful of her bossy tone, I dig through my bag and find a gray book. I open the thing and find little numbers scrawled next to little words. I find the word "Woodcutting" and note the little number "1" next to it. I stash the book back into my leather pack. "My woodcutting is one."

"Ha ha!" Her laughter hurt my ears. "You really are a noob."

"Shut up." Yup, I was deliberately rude, but who wouldn't be? She's obnoxious. I wish she would smash into a tree, and then we would see how much she would enjoy woodcutting! Maybe she would even get splinters!

"Stop being rude," Dawn commands.

"No!" I say defiantly. She pokes me, and I gasp. Ow, my ribs. I stumble away, and she pokes me again. Again. Again. Once more, into my stomach. At least, she isn't using her axe for the poking. I try to flee, but she runs after me. My back now receives great poking action.

"Stop!"

"Not until you apologize!" she snaps at me.

"Waaaah!" I cry. No one seems to pay mind to my cry. All of Runescape's residents walk by as if I weren't being murdered. "The Pokey Lady is hurting me! Help! Help! Help!"

"I am not the Pokey Lady!" Dawn argues. Her pokes come harder and faster upon my back. I finally run into a fence, fall over said fence and land headfirst against the ground. My neck, my neck!

Dawn finally ceases, and she looks down at a discomfited me with satisfaction. "There, noob. Never mess with me again."

"Okay," I agree weakly. Everything hurts. Before Dawn leaves, she leers over me with a smile.

"I suggest you try attacking a cow if you won't try the chickens," she tells me.

"Sure," I agree again. I'm so afraid of not agreeing with her, I'd even agree my name was Flowergirl101 or something.

"All right. Have a great day." The Pokey Lady skips away, back to her happy, little willow trees. The world, for me, has turned upside down. I hurt so much. Ow.

I pull myself into an upright position and sneak past the Pokey Lady, who is chopping at her tree happily. Then I find the cows again. I also find the drunken farmer asleep outside the gate of his cow pasture. I guess yelling at the high levels tuckered the poor guy out.

"Nighty-night," I whisper. I open the gate and enter a world of cows, calves, meat, bones, and…stinky cowhides.


	4. A Noob in Danger

The first thing to greet me is two high levels. Both of the combatants have bright blue armor like Wolfbane, and they seem to be fussing over the skin of a cow. The hide is being stretched as they tug and pull, back and forth.

"Hey…guys," I say hesitantly. I'm half-afraid they'll knock me over with the cowhide.

"Oh, hey look, Monty, it's a noob." One of them lets go of the skin and the other high level goes flying. "What's your name, noob?"

"My name's Freak449, but you can call me Freak."

"Nice to meet you," says the first one. Monty is lying dazed, paces away. "Oy, Monty, come take a look at this kid."

"I think Monty is a bit stunned," I point out. Suddenly Monty leaps to his feet and whips off his helm. I'm met by a head of bright, orange hair and a dazzling smile.

"Monty is not stunned," Monty says, "only slightly bewildered. Kenshin, you didn't have to let go so suddenly."

"Sorry," Kenshin apologizes. The high level turns to me. "My full name is Kenshin345, and my friend there is Monty90. We love noobs."

"You love them?" I repeat. Um…

"We're here to help." Monty grins at me as if he had just told me a fabulous joke. "We can provide cowhide, bones and cooked meat all for the measly price of 1gp…each."

"I don't have any money," I say. Monty and Kenshin both cock their heads at me with a frightening togetherness.

"Then why are you freakin' wasting my time?" Monty cries. The high level doesn't look happy.

"A noob who can't pay, is a noob who won't last a day." Kenshin giggles. "I rhymed, Monty. I can't believe it."

"Yeah, yeah, tell it to your mother."

"I did not give you leave to speak of my mother in such a manner."

"Sometimes I think you're from another planet altogether."

"Are you accusing my mother of being an alien?"

"Uh…guys?" I interrupt. They both glower at me. "How do you kill a cow?" The lowing of nearby cows suddenly distract me, and I examine my sword.

"Well, you take your sword and you attack," Kenshin says. "I'll demonstrate." He lunges at a cow with a bright red scimitar in his hand.

"He has a dragon scimitar," Monty tells me with great pride. He winces when Kenshin suddenly bellows in pain.

"Owww!" Kenshin is hopping around like a madman, holding his foot. "The cow stepped on my toes!"

"Quit being such a baby!" Monty admonishes. Monty grins at me. "Kenshin is very sensitive. I love him like a brother though. He and I are in this noob business together. Well, since you don't have any money, I suggest you scram before I take you out into the wilderness and kill you."

"Are you threatening me?" I ask. This wilderness again! I must visit it some time and see how bad it is. Of course, the likelihood of me being killed there is very high.

"Of course," Monty answers. He slaps his head in frustration, noting Kenshin still hopping around while the cow watches in amusement. "Hey, Freak, finish off the cow for Kenshin, won't you? He's been rendered incapable…like always."

"Okay," I agree eagerly. I lift my sword and solemnly decide being a pacifist is not for me. I can't survive here as a pacifist. People like Wolfbane would make fun of me forever, and I can't have that, can I?

I step towards the cow, and it eyes me warily. The cow moos, and I give the cow a look. I hope my expression is challenging rather than disgusted. Killing cows appeals to me no more than killing chickens does. My sword is heavy in my hand; my wooden shield weighs down my other hand.

I poke the cow with the sword, and then it attacks! The cow butts me again and again, and I'm helpless. I try running, but the cow is fast. It follows me to the fence, and then I'm stuck. The gate is all the way over there, and other Runescapian people appear not so eager to help me.

Kenshin is watching the entire scene with a pitying look on his face. He runs after me as I flee from the following cow. Jogging by my side, he says, "You should have trained on chickens first."

"I hate CHICKENS!" I screech. For that matter, I hate cows too. They hurt. I hate Wolfbane and the Pokey Lady. I won't go so far as to say I hate Runescape, but it comes close.

"Okay, Freak, keep your head on." Kenshin rolls his eyes. "Don't worry, buddy. Just let the cow kill you, and you'll come back."

"You swear it?" I gasp.

"Swear on my dragon scimmy," he replies. "Monty, I never break promises on my scimmy, do I?"

"No!" comes the faint answer. The cow's still huffing after me, and I'm running out of energy. Kenshin stops and gives me one last smile.

"Farewell, noob."

"This can't be the end," I groan. How embarrassing to be killed by a cow! I do wonder if I will lose my memory. I hope not. I've worked so hard and gone so far to be who I am right now.

I stumble and fall, and the cow descends upon me. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

--

The surrounding area looks familiar. I think I'm back in Lumbridge. I take out my Friends List and look for Lady Lore's name. The name is dull; she's not here. I need her. I need help. Kenshin and Monty were no help.

At least, whenever I die (which is sure to be often) I'll come back. Though Lumbridge is nothing pretty to look at. I take a look at good, old Freak's Bane (the fountain). I fill with memories, and then sulkily I make my way from in front of the Lumbridge Castle to a path. I cross a bridge and find a number of repulsive, green creatures.

"Ew, look a noob," one of them chuckles.

"You're ugly," I reply.

"You'll regret that." The ugly green thing attacks. I step backward and try to flee, but the thing catches me in the side with a dagger.

"What are you anyway?" I say, frustrated that I was dying so soon.

"I'm a goblin, of course: the most fearsome creature in Runescape." Somehow this hideous, green, wrinkly goblin doesn't seem to be what he claims. The cow seemed a lot worse.

My world goes black, and then I wake up in Lumbridge. "Great. Lumbridge. I'm going to get sick of this place," I mutter to myself.

**A/N: Three reviews all encouraging me to continue with this tale! I'll do my best then not to disappoint. Please review this chapter too!**

**(Possible) Reviewing topics:**

**1. Is it funny at all? (Writing humor is new territory for me)**

**2. Is the plot too slow?**

**3. Any mistakes that I should correct? **


	5. Trip to Varrock

Leaving the familiarity of Lumbridge behind, I follow a person. The person doesn't know he's being followed, but I feel no need to socialize. Finally, I catch up with him because I'm bored beyond belief. Hey, a guy needs to speak with someone! Maybe I was a popular person…once. Now I'm just a noob.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to Varrock," responds the man. Curiously, he has bright blue hair. My eyes hurt looking at it.

"Varrock's a big city?" I guess.

"Well, it's bigger than Falador. Varrock's the best if you're trying to get new weapons buying archer's equipment or buying armor. There's a staff shop for wizards."

I'm speechless. A city with tons of stuff! There must be something interesting to do in Varrock…The question is: do I like shopping?

"There's clothes and magic runes to buy, and of course there's easy access to the wilderness."

The words "the wilderness" catches my attention. I look at this guy again and decide he's far more trustworthy than Monty or Kenshin. Maybe he could take me to the wilderness and protect me?

"Can you take me to the wilderness?" There's no harm in asking.

"I hardly know you," the guy answers.

"I'm Freak449. What's your name?"

"Redseed112."

"Great, now we know each other," I say. Redseed looks unconvinced.

"I'm meeting someone in Varrock."

"Who?"

"Her name is Fireheart449."

"She has the same numbers as me!" I exclaim.

"Yeah, sometimes that happens. She's a nice person even if she's a high level. Though you should know she gets irritable when anyone asks to be her bf."

"Her what?"

"Boyfriend," Redseed informs me.

"Oh." I giggle and then give a coy wave. "I don't think I could ever date a high level. She would kill me." My laughter falls away, and I realize the truth behind my words. I could never reveal my love to Lady Lore. What if she kills me? What if she's as cantankerous as Fireheart?

"Hey, little buddy, you look depressed."

"Do I?" I ask.

"Well, now you look more confused." Redseed suddenly becomes serious. "Freak, you'll have to be careful. There are dark wizards around here. We'll have to pass a circle of them to enter the city."

I'm not afraid. OKAY…I am. Dark wizards! What has this world come to? I hate anything that has the word dark. I'm pretty sure I was once afraid of the dark. Come to think of it, I'm still afraid of the dark! Waaaaaa, dark wizards!

"Freak, don't freak out. I'll tell you when to run." My steadfast companion is smiling at me as if the world isn't coming to an end (and it is for me). "The dark wizards aren't that smart, but they can hit you from afar. If they do hurt you, keep running. Okay?"

"Yes, sure, yeah. Easy enough," I mumble. The dark path we've been walking on continues along until I see great gray walls. Before those walls, however, on each side of path are trees. I see glimpses of dark cloaks beyond those trees, and shivers run down my spine. Redseed stops me with one hand. I look up to see him sniffing.

"The dark wizards have a distinct smell, you know."

I sniff the air and find my nose battered by the smell of stinky fish. "They reek."

"I know. Noobs have come to fear the stench of death." Redseed's grim words have given me the worst feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Will they kill me?" I whisper. I don't like this! Waaaaaa! I'm afraid, so afraid!

"Keep calm." Redseed nods. "Run, Freak. Run now!"

I run.

**A/N: Sorry for the short chapter but please continue to review!**

**I hereby declare that the name Fireheart is not my creation. It was originally a name for a male cat in ****the Warrior series by Erin Hunter****. Just to clarify, my Fireheart will be a female (and human). **


	6. Fireheart's Rage

I run with my eyes closed. Even if anything hits me, I will continue to run. Indeed, as I pass, the air ruffles with magic. The dark wizards are attacking! Waaaah! I feel a soft pressure on my shoulder, and I open my eyes to find Redseed considering me kindly. We're inside the great, gray walls.

"You're fine. The wizards didn't get you today."

"They'll probably get me tomorrow," I joke. My throat constricts as Redseed nods in grim agreement.

"Let's find Fireheart." Redseed beckons to me, and I follow, quite happy to follow my companion and take in the sights. The buildings are tall, but in some places they look shabby. They look like fine crannies for gangs to hang out in.

We reach the center of town where there are many people buying and selling things. A newspaper vendor is advertising his paper at the top of his voice. Redseed finds me looking at the plump man selling papers and shakes his head.

"The newspaper is garbage," he says. "A waste of 50gp."

"Oh." I glance at the radiant, cerulean water flowing below my feet with wonder. There is a type of four-way bridge over a pond at the very center of this great city. I see shops from four directions. Many people shoot in and out of shops, some very pleased, others very angry.

"Fireheart told me she would be here," Redseed says to himself.

"Maybe she's been held up by something," I suggest.

"Probably," sighs Redseed. "She's probably outside the city, hacking at some guards."

"Why would anyone attack guards?" Sounds rather barbaric to me.

"To put their level up, of course." Redseed waves a finger at me. "Don't you go and attack one yet, Freak."

"Why not?" His patronizing tone bothers me. "I'm sure any noob can handle a mere guard. Us noobs are the best of the best…well, I think we might be. Of course, I can't remember anything and might just be making false assumptions, in which case-"

"Okay, okay, Freak." Redseed rolls his eyes. "Where **is** Fireheart?"

"I'm over here," a voice calls. The sound is a whisper, desperate and angry. Redseed and I crane our heads to spot a woman who looks remarkably like a noob. She has nothing but the clothes she wears now and an empty-looking leather pack.

"Fireheart, what's-"

"Shusshh!" she hisses. She grabs Redseed by the arm and drags him into a quiet alleyway where a startled cloaked man looks at them with narrowed eyes. As for me, I follow the two, and Fireheart glares at me. The man soon departs when he realizes Fireheart, Redseed and I have no intention of leaving.

"Who's that?"

"He's Freak. He's new."

"Redseed, stop hanging around noobs," Fireheart mutters. "We have a serious problem."

"I know… since you called for this urgent meeting," Redseed agrees. He gives me a pleading look as if asking me to wait. Well, I am willing to wait because I don't know anything about this Varrock.

"Wolfbane-"

"I hate him!" I burst out. Fireheart stares at me, considering me with dark eyes.

"Wolfbane23, you mean?" Fireheart whispers. "I don't blame you. He's been leading noobs into the wilderness for Lord Luxon. Wretch that Luxon is, he won't kill them, but he makes them work for nothing. It's **slave** labor. No one will help me, Redseed. Lady Lore isn't here. Wolfbane's offended her, and she won't be here for…who knows how long. I can't defeat him by myself."

"You're the level seventy-five," Redseed mutters. I'm agog with awe and wonder. Seventy-five has to be the highest level I've yet to hear of. I peer sideways at Redseed, and he correctly interprets my questioning glances. "I'm level seventy." Oh…

"Wolfbane has a gang of level sixties with him," Fireheart says in despair. "Don't forget Lord Luxon, who's in charge of it all."

"Lord who?" Clueless noob here doesn't know what Fireheart was talking about. Whoever this Lord Luxon is, he must be terrifying. And important because Fireheart said his name three times: each time with a grimace. Redseed's face has contorted into an expression of fear.

"Lord Luxon is level one-hundred and thirty-eight." Fireheart stomps her foot in anger and squishes a bug. The poor bug will never see the light of day again. Yet the bug's murderess has not noticed the dead bug in her anger. "He and Wolfbane share the profits of their business! No one is willing to fight against those two. Cowards, the lot of us!"

"You mustn't be so severe," Redseed soothes. "I don't understand why you're dressed as you are though."

"You look like a noob," I add. Fireheart laughs a mirthless laugh.

"That's the point, Freak." She brushes back her long, elegant hair, and then I see why some random guy might just ask to be her boyfriend, noob or not. I tug nervously at my shirt collar and look away. "When I'm in the wilderness, I will lose nothing as a noob loses nothing but his dignity."

"Won't you lose your dignity?" I shoot a look at my sword and shield. These were nothing? Perhaps to a high level, they might be nothing. Though, the sword and shield weren't much help against the cow or the goblin.

"Fireheart never loses her dignity," she says, talking in third person. "She doesn't care what death does to her dignity as long as those poor noobs are freed. However, if she is to save them, she needs help."

"You have my sword," Redseed declares. I grin, glad to be with such noble people. What the heck! Fireheart was right. There was nothing to lose but one's dignity, and one could always get dignity back…somehow. I had to help them.

"I'll help, too," I offer. They both smile at me and nod.

"You can help with the recruiting," Redseed finally says.

"Okay, but can I also go out to the wild with our army?" I ask. I give them both pleading looks. "Please!"

"If you wish," Fireheart replies. "If you wish."

"We should find Dawn first," Redseed murmurs with a smile. Fireheart nods with an equally amused smile on her face.

"I'll check where she is." Fireheart takes out her friends list and pokes at it.

"Who's Dawn?" I do wonder how these people come to be who they are, and if maybe someday I might be something worth giving a name to…well, besides "noob."

"She's Dawn719. She's my sister," Fireheart replies, still poking away at the Friends list.

Hmm. That name sounds familiar. No way… The POKEY LADY is Fireheart's sister, and I would have to work with her to save the noobs!? She poked me to my DOOM! I can't work with her! Redseed notices my stricken face and pats my shoulder.

"What's wrong, Freak?"

"Dawn719 is what's wrong!" I snap.

"I know," Fireheart suddenly says. "My sister is crazy at first, but once you get to know her…she grows on you."

"Sure," I reply sardonically. I can't deal with the Pokey Lady again!

"Let's go find her. She's in Draynor," Fireheart tells us. I snap from miserable mode and become rather confused. Draynor? Where was Draynor? There was another town named Draynor?

"She's not in the Manor, is she?" Redseed asks. There's a manor, too?

"No. She's chopping willows by the Draynor bank," Fireheart says. "Come on, Freak. Let's go."

"Okay," I reply weakly. I'm going to see the Pokey Lady again, and I'm not sure what I should say to her after our first, unfortunate meeting.


	7. The Pokey Lady in Draynor

The trek is long and hard from Varrock, but Redseed and Fireheart don't seem to be willing to stop for a break. Both of them obviously are used to traversing so far. I'll admit the scenery was nice until I caught sight of a scantily-clad woman who looks really quite angry and ferocious and has a disturbingly pointy spear. We had passed across a bridge into a fort of some sort.

There are many men and women, actually, all in various states of undress. What clothing they have is made of furs, and most carry fearsome-looking weapons. I linger closely behind my two guides.

"Who are they?" I whisper. Fireheart notes my scared look and offers me a confident grin.

"They're only barbarians," she says. "As long as you don't stay to converse with them, the path through their village is safe."

"They're always looking for a fight," Redseed adds. "Don't give them an excuse."

I shake my head: intent on keeping mum. A barbarian with a nasty, large, silver, huge, sharp, fancy, terrifying--well, you get the idea--axe sneers at me, and I try not whimper. Redseed glowers back, and the barbarian speaks.

"You lookin' for fight, ja?"

Redseed pulls out a razor-sharp sword and settles the point at the barbarian's throat.

"You lookin' for death, ja?"

"Ja!" the barbarian stupidly agrees. He makes as if to swing his axe, and I step backward and out of range. Fireheart shakes her head, grabs Redseed's arm and continues past the barbarian with the menacing axe. The barbarian seems disappointed, but he bares his gruesome teeth at me as I pass…

Only when we pass out of the walls of the village do I finally relax. Fireheart and Redseed suddenly veer, changing their direction so quickly that I trip. Fireheart tramps back to help me up. My hand grows sweaty in her grasp. Her dry smile indicates she noticed.

"Don't even ask, Freak."

"I won't," I say.

"Really?" Fireheart's guarded eyes grow softer.

"I'm already in love with a different high level," I continue.

"You must mean Lady Lore. Yes, a lot of men have eyes for her."

"Uh…" Fireheart's acuteness takes me by surprise, which basically means I'm speechless. Typical.

"Come on!" Redseed yells back to us. He's already quite a distance ahead. I let go of her hand, and we catch up to the impatient blue-haired man. Then something Fireheart said sinks in.

"A lot of men? Does that include Wolfbane?" I hiss.

"Oh, yeah. He's sick over her," Fireheart snorts. Redseed nods in derisive agreement.

"Then Wolfbane has a weakness we can exploit," I point out.

"To an extent," Redseed growls. "Lord Luxon won't care if Wolfbane's heart is broken. We would need to deal with him."

"Oh." There goes my plan down the drain. I think it was something about Lady Lore falling for me and publicly deriding Wolfbane. The poor guy wouldn't have the heart to continue his evil slave thing-a-ma-gig--plan.

Of course, the chance of Lady Lore falling for me is about as likely as me becoming level one hundred and thirty-eight in one day. Impossible. Laughable. Hopeless. I sigh and then note the growing number of dead trees.

"I don't like the look of this place," I say.

"Probably not," Redseed concedes. "We're nearing Draynor Manor. The place isn't so scary when all its mysteries have been uncovered. I remember when I was a noob…Count Draynor scared the wits out of me."

"Count Draynor?" I ask, agog at the soft, reminiscing look on Redseed's usually grim face. Fireheart, too, is wearing a mawkish expression.

"He's the vampire who owns Draynor Manor. All sorts of warriors keep coming to his manor to kill him with a stake and hammer and all," Fireheart tells me. "What they don't realize is the Count comes back to life no matter what they do. It's his curse, you see."

"Actually, I don't see," I mutter. Both Redseed and Fireheart laugh.

"He offended his father, who was part-wizard." Redseed jumps over a particularly thick tree root. "He laid a curse on his own son. Count Draynor will have no rest until the truest of all warriors kills him. Until then, everyone can try and kill him, but he'll always come back. There's a reason he terrorizes Draynor Village…to find the true warrior who will slay him."

"Vampires have sons? Wait, who would not want to be immortal?" This Count Draynor sounded like a pathetic sort.

"Vampires have humans to which they pass on their blood. I think a vampire does start to get tired of life after six hundred years," Fireheart insists. "What would you do with all that time?"

"I'm sure he can come up with something," I reply. Our conversation about the unfortunate/fortunate Count Draynor came to an end as we stopped at a crossroads. Redseed squints up at the sign.

"I can never remember which way to go," he sighs.

"Oh, come on. I know the way." Fireheart proceeds to head one way while Redseed lingers. He's still looking at the sign.

"Stand and deliver!" The sudden shout makes me jump, and I glimpse a guy with a black mask and a shiny blade rush me. Oh, great soggy crumb buckets! I duck the highwayman's attack and jab at him with my own pathetic bronze sword. The robber dude backs away, laughing. Then he's dead as Fireheart comes down behind him with a bright blue longsword.

"Let's hurry before another one comes along," she says, all aplomb, and not at all shocked that she had killed someone. The highwayman fades; dust and bones remain scattered on the ground.

"You just killed someone."

"Death is not so unusual here." Fireheart frowned. "Listen, Freak, if I hadn't killed that highwayman, you would be dead."

"Yes, and thank you, but…" The soft sympathy in her eyes makes my heart flutter and my mouth shut.

"It is a bit shocking, I suppose."

"There's something wrong with the sign," Redseed says out of the blue. Apparently, he hadn't noticed the whole confrontation with the highwayman. "Those directions are wrong. Draynor isn't that way."

"We'll fix it later," Fireheart murmurs. "Come on. There's little time to lose. We're not like Count Draynor after all."

"Well, we do come back after we die," I say. Redseed ambles behind Fireheart and I, still in a thoughtful silence. We are making our slow way to Draynor where I will meet the Pokey Lady.

"It won't always be that way," Fireheart says, and then I notice her weapon is out of sight. "One day, you die…but you don't come back. Of course, that only happens with older players like Lord Luxon who've reached their limits. I pray to Saradomin that he'll die and never come back."

"Of course, he's being extra careful," Redseed mutters.

"So even though he's a high level, if he dies, he'll never come back?" My head suddenly bursts with questions. "Who's Saradomin? So as your level increases, you're more likely to die and never come back? What are the limits? How in the world do you increase your level?"

Patiently (admirable that) Fireheart and Redseed answer my questions, speaking in turn, complementing each other until most of my questions are answered. The amount of new knowledge I get is overwhelming but reassuring at the same time. Runescape. Whoever thought there would be so much to this place than met the eye?

Finally, we catch sight of civilization. Following Fireheart, we make our way past what seems like houses, and then into an area of stalls. We make our way past a larger building, filled with a myriad of people, near two trees…

"Hey, Redseed, got any more stew?"

"Did that tree just talk?" I gasp. Then I see the legs hanging down from the tree and realize some crazy guy is sitting up there. "What is he up there for?"

"That's the paranoid banker," Fireheart says dismissively.

"I'm not paranoid. He did commit the crime!" the tree shouts.

"Who committed what crime?" I ask. Redseed sighs and leans against the bank wall, where it looks strangely new compared to the rest of the bricks making up the bank.

"The Wise Old Man lives across from the bank," Redseed explains. "He robbed the bank a while ago, but no one has made a move to punish him. Rumors are he has his eye on Wizard's Tower."

"Curse him! If he weren't so capable of zapping people--So, Redseed, the soup?"

"Not today. I have urgent business." Redseed exchanges serious looks with Fireheart. I feel left out. "Maybe tomorrow."

"Fine." The banker sounds sullen. I, myself, wouldn't mind a bit of stew. I am hungry. I allow myself to be dragged by Redseed and Fireheart past the trees. Ah, there's the Pokey Lady. Now let me describe the surroundings.

It's a nice bit o' land with four (I think) willow trees beside the water. There are people fishing; most are cutting trees. The Pokey Lady is chatting amiably with a woodcutting neighbor. Because of her helm, I can't see her expression. I think that must be the scariest thing about her, aside from the axe and the poking, of course.

Oh noes…There's a dark wizard too, but Redseed puts a reassuring hand on my arm. I guess we're safe. For now. There's the danger of the Pokey Lady to deal with too.

"Dawn!" Fireheart calls, without any fear, to her sister. Well, duh. You can't be really afraid of a younger sister. I think Dawn's younger. Though I never thought to ask. Redseed's expression is grim, calm and steady as always.

"Fireheart!" The Pokey Lady removes her helm and tucks it away in the pack strung to her by a single strap around an elegant shoulder. Her hair is the same shade as Redseed's, and I have to wonder if they're family. "Hey, cousin!"

Redseed raises a hand and smiles. Family…yup. Let me get this straight. Fireheart and Dawn are sisters, and Redseed is their cousin? Then who in the bloody world am I? A complete stranger…

"Don't I know you?" The Pokey Lady is speaking to me now.

"You poked me until I fell over a fence…not too far from Lumbridge," I reminded her. She nods as if the memory was completely normal and painless. Dawn seemed to me like a combination of Fireheart's boldness and Redseed's unshakable-ness as well a touch of (unfortunate) cruelty.

"I see you haven't been doing any training," she remarks. "What's your name again?"

"The name's Freak. What level are you?"

"Sixty-eight."

Fine. She wins…I'm just a noob who hasn't gotten around to training.

"Freak's been helping us," Fireheart says. You'd think she isn't lying. I blush. I'm not much help, following them around.

"With what?" Dawn questions. There's a bright gleam in her eyes that I don't like.


	8. From Draynor Bank to Edgeville

Pokey Lady has been criticizing me for the past hour now. You have no idea how much I want to sock her. I came inches from smashing my pathetic bronze sword over her head. Though, Fireheart's serious expression and Redseed's grave smile made me think twice about that. Besides, the Pokey Lady would poke me. I don't like being poked.

"We need a plan." Pokey Lady furrows her brow, deep in thought. Well, thank you for putting the most obvious thing out on our table of conversation.

"Who has one?" Fireheart angles her head, scrutinizing every single one of us. We respond with shrugs and murmurs. Oh, fine! None of us have a proper plan. Redseed seems uncertain too. Then he says:

"We should have a scouting mission. Then we'll recruit and train. After that…we'll see."

"For the recruitment, I might have a group interested," Pokey Lady offers.

"Dare I ask?" I mutter. She shoots me a nasty glance, and I flinch. Well, pardon a noob for expressing an honest opinion in a subtle way.

"There's a ready supply of woodcutters, noobs of levels three and four, with incredible woodcutting levels. I know them, but to convince them…might take some time."

"You can convince them after we take a gander at Lord Luxon's operation," Fireheart replies. "Freak, most Runescapians drop off things in the bank."

"Why do we need to?" I inquire.

"If you attack someone in the wilderness and die, everything you have on your person will be lost," Redseed explains. "Well, everything but three of your most precious items."

That sounds just terrible. I wonder if Runescapians have insurance…

We (yes, even the Pokey Lady) ambled towards the bank. The three of them approach the bankers standing behind the bank booths. I stuff my sword, my shield, my boots, and all my random junk into the leather bag. Then I offer the entire bag to another banker in gray uniform, who is staring at me rather apathetically. Talk about ennui.

"How may I help you?"

"Uh…"

"Name?" The banker rolls his eyeballs. His irises are gray, the same shade as his uniform. How bizarre.

"Freak449," I answer, not so sure about the whole bank procedure.

"Ah, vault 3948939. Yes, sir. We'll have it safe in our bank until you return. Good day!" The banker snatches the bag from me with unusual venom. I turn around to find Fireheart, Redseed, and even the Pokey Lady. I refuse to call her by her real name, which sounds sweet but is completely, utterly and unreservedly wrong in that prospect!

They're all outside, having had quicker, practiced transactions with the bankers. I trudge outside the crowded bank and elbow my way through people to join them. On each of their faces is a troubling anxiety. If they're worried, I should be triply worried.

The Pokey Lady's trademark axe and armor are gone. Fireheart appears weaponless though she still has her leather bag. Redseed is barehanded. The three of them finally notice me watching them with concern.

"We're heading to Edgeville," Redseed tells me. I remember when Fireheart and Redseed had been answering my questions earlier and how they had mentioned all the different towns yet to be visited.

Edgeville. I think I got it.

"Edgeville is right next to the wilderness, right?" I ask dryly. They all cheerfully nod at me. Figures. I mean it has to be the edge of something! Pokey Lady suddenly takes me by the elbow, and I, about to protest furiously, glance at her.

"Off we go!" Then she drags me off without any warning. I wail, but Fireheart and Redseed merely watch with amusement. They fall some distance behind until the two of them catch up by sprinting skillfully after the Pokey Lady and me.

My shoulder! My shoulder! "Let me go, woman!"

"Stop being a prat. You should be glad we're dragging you along!"

"I can walk! Let go! Jeez, someone get this woman off me!"

"Off you? What are you talking about? I've just got your arm is all!" Her cheerful banter bothers me. My shoulder is going to be yanked off at this rate...

"Aw, Dawn, slow down. The kid's going to end up all stretched out at the speed you're going!" Redseed yells. His grin is maniacal and unsympathetic. I bet he'd be more empathetic if he were in the same position I'm in. But Fireheart is the reasonable one. I got stuck with the crazy sister.

Still being hauled along unceremoniously by the Pokey Lady, I watch Fireheart whisper something that makes Redseed laugh. They both have secretive looks on. Grr. I hate conspiracy.

My dignity has suffered so much because of this--oooh, another bank! Pokey Lady suddenly stops, and I fall over to plant my face in the dirt. Curse you, law that says an object in motion stays in motion. I guess even the Pokey Lady doesn't have enough force to stop me properly. NOOOOO! I hate physics. Or do I?

"What are you doing down there? Saying hello to the earthworms?" Pokey Lady sighs. Unlike her sister, she does not offer to help me up in any way. Miffed by her rudeness, I wipe the dirt from my face and sit in the grass.

Redseed and Fireheart are laughing hysterically. I'm coming to love them not so much. Laughing at a poor noob's plight is not a very nice thing to do. Though…I probably do look ridiculous.

"So," I say, "this is Edgeville." There are various building, small and big scattered in the area. The most noticeable is the enormous, crumbling building in the distance. The terrain is flat and grassy. Fun.

"Do you want to explore?" Redseed offers as if this small kindness would make up for his cruelty to me. I take up the offer with enthusiasm.

"Sure." I'll be glad to get away from the Pokey Lady. The Lady, in question, is glowering at me. She must know I don't like her.

"Don't wander too far," Fireheart warns. "Especially underground."

"Right. Not too far nor underground." I skip away, happy to be free from duty for a while. The three higher levels fade into the distance. First, I make my way to the graveyard. Actually, it's more ruins than anything. The building has crumbled; it's not a place I'd want to live in. There are coffins, begging for me to open them. I deny my curiosity.

I don't want some evil creature on my tail after all. My steps continue onward as I explore this dead, dank, dark place. Oh, a tree! Pokey Lady had pointed this type out on our journey to Edgeville. A yew, she had said.

"Owwwwwwwwwww! Ow! Ow ow ow!" My steps falter at the touch of pointy things, and I stare at the plants beneath my feet. Prickly plants. Nettles. My soft shoes were no match for the razor-bladed nettles. Hopping away, I delicately pick one out of the bottom of my shoe and stare at the yew tree. It must be the tallest tree in Runescape, maybe even the oldest.

I do wonder what this place was called; I even wondered about the people who must have once worked or lived here. A sigh escapes me. How could I? I couldn't remember my own past, never mind the past of a place new to me. One day, I might come back and ask around.

A shiver suddenly ripples up my spine; it tells me it's time to head back. The gloominess of the place is getting to me now. I scurry out of there, eyeing a bright white horse with a horn coming out of its forehead. The unicorn doesn't look aggressive, but I take the long way coming back to my little group just to avoid the magical creature that may or may not be lethal. I don't want to return to Lumbridge now.

Fireheart's gaze makes me pause. In her eyes, there's determination glimmering like solid steel. Redseed is alert and on his feet. Even Pokey Lady looks ready for any peril. I, however, am quivering where I stand.

"We're going now, aren't we?" I say shakily.

"Yes, Freak, but we'll all come out to Lumbridge when we die."

"When…not if?"

"Who knows." Redseed's smile is not reassuring as usual. The Pokey Lady declines from making any comment. I guess even she is as terrified as I am. Perhaps not as much as I am but scared nonetheless. For the first time, I give her a kind glance. She returns the smile. Holy Saradomin. That's a pretty smile…

Unnerved, I turn my thoughts to the wilderness. Should I focus on the Pokey Lady or the wilderness? Neither choice strikes me as particularly appealing.


	9. Testing: One,Two,Three, Four

I stepped into official wilderness territory. Actually, it was more falling into it as my attempt to jump over the ditch (that separated the wild from safety) went ugly. All three of the others had to pull me (half in and half out of the ditch) to my feet.

"Great start," the Pokey Lady mutters.

"It's his first time," Fireheart protests. She doesn't say anything further as her eyes are scanning the dark terrain. I look out there. Emptiness. Dead trees. More emptiness. Somehow, I had expected something more exciting.

"Let's go." Redseed leads us all and Fireheart takes up the rear. She's still surveying our surroundings. Does she expect an ambush? I can see nothing but space and dead trees. The sky, however, is growing darker as we move deeper. I suppose there must be things in the wilderness that aren't usually found on the other side of the ditch.

"Wait!" Fireheart hisses. "Get down." She gets low to the ground. Redseed and the Pokey Lady are already in similar positions. I, meanwhile, am standing like a nitwit. I fall into a low posture and scuff my knees on the dark pebbles that make up the grounds of the wilderness.

"What is it?" Pokey Lady says in a whisper. Not even a whisper. Her words are so light that I barely catch them.

"Movement," Fireheart replies in a just as quiet voice. I look where she's looking. There are two figures tramping more or less towards us, on their way south. "They're not monsters. Players."

Hold on a sec. MONSTERS? I want to scream my question, but instead I ask it in a whisper to my closest companion: Redseed. "There are monsters?"

Redseed puts a finger to his lips. "Yes, but the greatest monsters of all are the player killers that take noobs by surprise. Monsters can't do higher level thinking, but we…well, we're different. Hush."

The four of us wait. Eventually, two people pass us by from a distance of about fifty meters. Their faces are in shadow, and cloudy skull shapes hover above their heads. More questions grip me, but I resist. Fireheart gives a weird signal and the three high levels slink off toward a bunch of dead trees; they move so low to the ground that my knees hurt watching them. Fireheart waits for me until I catch up.

The Pokey Lady braces her back against a tree. I do the same, wincing when I kick up dust. The two figures stop. A fat lot of help I am! I think I've given us away. Then when the two people continue on their way, Fireheart stands. She watches them disappear.

"They're gone," she confirms.

"Why did they have skull clouds over their heads?" I ask.

"People are marked with skulls after they kill other Runescapians," Fireheart explains. She then sprints after Redseed who has gone ahead while we stood around. I stumble after with the Pokey Lady close behind me. Her proximity doesn't bother me for once. If we're attacked, she'll be my shield! That wasn't a nice thought even if I don't like her one bit.

The rest of our trek is uneventful. We see no one and nothing. Redseed and Fireheart seem to know the wilderness so well that we run into no monsters and stay far from places where other Runescapians might gather. There's a bandit camp out here, the Pokey Lady tells me, and a Dark Fortress.

When people start to bandy around the word "dark," I get nervous. Hmm, it is rather dark out here. The ground. The sky. The terrain ahead. Gloomy. All reeking of inevitable death. The trees were dead too and the bushes shriveled. The few pools of water we passed looked stagnant and slightly greenish: not where I would like to get my water. Overall, this is a very dismal place. Not to mention terrifying.

"There they are," whispers Fireheart. The sound sends shills up and down my spine. Ah! Crunchy! I jump when I feel something odd under my foot. Oh. Pebble. The Pokey Lady glowers at me for making a noise. The shadowy figures meters away have stopped moving. Whoops.

As my eyes adjust further to the gloom (and doom) of the wilderness, I see a bunch of noobs as ill-equipped as I am running about with pick-axes and rocks in sacs. Beyond them, supervising them, stand three figures in light blue armor. One has a bright red saber, and I recognize the weapon as a dragon scimitar like the one that Kenshin had once so idiotically brandished.

"They're making those noobs lug rocks around," I say. I feel stupid when the Pokey Lady rolls her eyes.

"Rocks indeed. Ores. Rune and coal ores. The money you can make with those ores…" She shakes her head, stunned into silence. Blessed silence.

Suddenly, Fireheart stands and smoothly slinks her way to a rock that's her height. She is crouched comfortably behind it. Redseed sneaks over to sit beside her, and the other…person, I suppose, crawls along to join them. Leaving me. With one nervous eye on the three menacing figures in blue, I tiptoe oh-so-carefully to kneel behind Fireheart. I do so with the grace of kitty-cat. Wait…do I have a cat? Don't rightly remember.

"Ha!" I mutter in triumph. I made it! Pride falleth on chickens that goeth near me. Or something like that. I vaguely remember a Christmas tree that fell on me, but that's beside the point. Perhaps that one was a dream. Anyway, my shout actually makes all three blue dudes jerk around and scan the perimeter. We all flatten against the rock Fireheart cleverly picked out for us. Not one of my companions scolds me. Nope. We're terrified and trapped thanks to me.

I can feel Pokey Lady's knee digging into my chest. Talk about awkward. I shove her knee slightly. After all, I'm no brute to use all my strength to push a lady! However, if I do nothing I shall suffocate. Verily. I sound very British in my head. Shakespearean actually. Verily thou art a callow, rump-fed clod-pole! What century am I from? Who am I talking to? I'll never know.

Redseed is the first to move. When he sticks his head above the rock, we all hear a masculine shout. At that point, I realize we will be slaughtered like pigs that have been fattened for months. Apologetic, Redseed merely jumps from behind the rock and into the open like the madman he is.

Fireheart has a grip on my shoulder and on Dawn's shoulder, which is level with my eyeball. She's pushing downwards as if telling us silently to stay put. Stay down. Happy to oblige her, but…what about Redseed? No one can ever imagine how awful it feels to know that the reason that your friend was killed was you. Your fault. Your stupid shout of triumph that attracted the blue-armored peoples' attention. I hear Redseed's gasp, a sound that vibrates briefly in the air before continuing to echo in my poor, guilty heart.

"Strange. That player seemed familiar, Lord Luxon." I do not know this dude.

"Noobs all start looking the same after a while. No variety. Except for Lady Lore of course." A cold, chilling voice cuts through the air like…I don't even have a simile for it. The voice is worse than the sharpest knife. It's low and scary. Geez, does he practice his I'm-totally-evil voice? Hey…why the freak is he talking about my--not my…er, Lady Lore anyway?

"Don't you say a word about her," a voice that I recognize as Wolfbane's says. For once, I'm on his side.

"I'm not going to hurt your darling without reason, Wolfy," retorts Lord Luxon icily. Hey! She is NOT Wolfbane's darling! "However, if she interferes…" The dude's voice trails off sinisterly, leaving his threat to all of our imaginations.

"You have to tell her to keep her nose out of this," says the third dude. "She should listen to you. After all, weren't you her boyfriend for months?"

Wolfbane doesn't answer. I leap up from the rock like an idiot, an idiot filled with rage. He couldn't have been Lady Lore's love! No freakin' way! Fireheart groans softly and Dawn shakes her head. Realizing I've put them in danger, I toddle towards the three imposing, startled figures.

"You. Are you Frog?" Wolfbane guesses my name. "I've seen you with Lady Lore."

"Freak," I state. My eyes flit to Lord Luxon, who's dressed in the same blue armor as Wolfbane with red trimming and extra décor though he's helmet-less. In his hand is a whip. I try to focus on his weapon, which isn't nearly as terrifying as the detached look in his fathomless black eyes: eyes without mercy.

"Kill him," says the third guy whose name I still have yet to learn. He's the one brandishing the dragon scimitar.

"Voldmort, you have no sense of fun," Lord Luxon laughs softly. Creepy beyond creepy. Wolfbane and Voldmort back off at the level one-hundred-and-thirty-eight's tone. His pale hand grabs my collar and pulls me towards me. His hot breath chokes me. "You're not one of our workers, are you? So, noob, what exactly were you doing out here?"

"Exploring," I reply quickly. So far, so good. The high level seems amused by me for some reason.

"Have you been in contact with any of the rebels?" Lord Luxon questions. I can't lie to the guy.

"I might have." I've not lied. Aren't I clever? I yelp as Lord Luxon shakes me so my very bones rattle.

"Speak straight, Freak!" he growls. "Else I'll let you have a taste of my abyssal whip."

"Okay, okay!" I sniffle. Gosh, he's a meanie! "I have."

"And what did they say about me?"

"They said you have the sensibility of parmesan cheese." I don't know where my head came up with that one. Oh, and I lied. Oops.

Much to my surprise, the scary high level releases me. He begins pacing while Wolfbane and Voldmort watch with shadowed faces. They both flinch when Lord Luxon stops to glower at them. "Whose impudence does that sound like?"

"Fireheart's," Voldmort answers grimly.

"Fireheart's," Wolfbane agrees with a glimmer (hah!) of fear in his eyes.

Voldmort suddenly yelps like a wounded dog. We turn around and see Fireheart (what a relief) attacking the dude, who has the dragon scimitar. The evil dude crumples and she laughs, "You never were one to train your defense!"

An annoying tug on my arm distracts me. Ah, the Pokey Lady. "Noob, I have a thousand things to say to you, and none of them are very nice. Help me attack Lord Luxon."

Suicide. Sheer suicide. Nevertheless, I pound my fists at the silent Lord Luxon, who is watching Fireheart and Wolfbane battle with interest. The Pokey Lady has dragged a weapon along (Fireheart too): a rune scimitar. She's hacking away, but all that awards our efforts is the clang of my fists and her weapon on metal.

I hear someone fall. Not Fireheart I hope! Nope. Wolfbane's gone. Fireheart's still there: battered but there. She's clutching Voldmort's dragon scimitar now. Something thumps against my head, and I turn back around to catch a glimpse of the whip that violently knocked the senses out of me. "OW!" I say indignantly and then the world goes black.


	10. Regrouping in Lumbridge

Ha ha! Good ole Freak's Bane in good ole Lumbridge. I stare at the fountain I fell in so long ago. So much has happened since then. In an act of arbitrary violence, I strike out at a rat. Sparks explode over my head. AAAH! Spontaneous combustion! I don't want to die! A few moments later, when I'm not seeing black and feeling nothing in particular, I look around cautiously.

"I'm not dead," I say. A gloomy-looking Runescapian gives me a strange look.

"You're alive, all right. So am I," he replies. "But I've lost every freakin' thing I have."

"Oh, I'm sorry…"

"No, you're not!" he argues. Um…

"Well, I'm not anymore," I say, miffed by the dude's utter rudeness. I'm only roused from my depressed staring at Freak's Bane when someone taps my shoulder. I look up to find Redseed's familiar smile. "You're okay!"

"Course I am. You?"

"I'm fine." Then I begin to sniffle. "Except Lord Luxon hit me with his whip…and I must have died! It hurt!"

"I know," Redseed agrees with a wince. "Did Fireheart and Dawn manage to get away?"

"They were fighting Lord Luxon when I last saw them." I wish them luck. Hmm, maybe we wouldn't even need an army. The Pokey Lady and Fireheart seem like a formidable team to me. "If they die, they'll come back right? Both of them?"

"Yes, both of them. It's not safe to linger here. I saw Voldmort and Wolfbane not too long ago. Let me guess. Fireheart caught them by surprise?" Redseed chuckles and gently leads me towards Lumbridge Castle.

"You should have seen their faces," I say cheerily. "Voldmort died before he could fight back, and Wolfbane got the beating of his life! It would have been fun to watch if I hadn't been so terrified."

"Don't say that!" A fierce new light enters Redseed's eyes. "Killing is not fun! It is simply done for survival. Lord Luxon is the way he is because he took so much joy in killing."

I blink in dismay. I couldn't be a Lord Luxon in the making! No way! "I just don't like Wolfbane, and seeing him suffer…"

"Even so…" Redseed shakes his head and then drags me into the kitchen of Lumbridge Castle where a plump, mustached chef smiles at us---er, at Redseed mostly.

"Redseed, come to use my range again?" the chef asks.

"No, Cook. Your kitchen is simply the safest place for us right now. Wolfbane23 and Voldmort679 are looking for us. Oh, and this is Freak."

I grin heartily at the Cook. A similar grin appears on Cook's face. "Hmm. Noob, are you? Mind running an errand for me? There'll be a reward."

"That's a good idea," Redseed says with a smile. "Stretch your legs for a while…until it's safe."

A person suddenly rushes in, and my heart jumps. The almost peaceful mood of the kitchen is ruined by ragged breathing and the fear in Fireheart's eyes. She must have been killed. "Good. You both made it here safely."

"Wait," I mutter, feeling left out of a conspiracy, "did you guys plan to meet here beforehand?"

Fireheart nods. Redseed lets her catch her breath before asking, "Is Lord Luxon dead?"

"Alive," she groans. Cook shifts nervously at the mention of Lord Luxon. Obviously, Luxon has a reputation: a really, really, really bad one. "Dawn is taking him on."

"Why were you so out of breath?" I can't help asking like the little nooblet I am. Nooblet! That's a funny word! Nooo-blet! I better stop that.

"Wolfbane and Voldmort were stalking me. I lost them though," Fireheart says with satisfaction. Her eyes suddenly glow with concern. "Do you think Dawn will be able to kill him?"

"Lord Luxon?" A doubtful snort issues from Redseed's mouth. I've never seen him so cynical. It worries me. "She doesn't stand a chance. None of us stand a chance alone."

Silence takes over for a while. Fireheart is thinking. Redseed is also thinking. Cook is cooking. And I'm just standing here like a useless noob.

Then someone crashes into me. Hard. "OWWW!" I yowl and then shut up. "Pokey--Dawn!"

"Pokey Dawn?" she asks. She looks tired.

"Er…I meant to say Dawn. Just Dawn."

"You were going to call me a mean name, weren't you?" she snarls. "Weren't you?"

"Please have mercy?" I squeak. I'll admit I'm still terrified of this girl.

She rolls her eyes and then turns to Fireheart and Redseed, both still thinking. Hmm, maybe I should take up this thinking business. "So what are we going to do?"

"We need to recruit first," says Fireheart. Her dark eyes rest on me. "We'll find noobs. We'll find those who want to help though there are few decent levels who aren't afraid to fight Lord Luxon. Fools! If they only knew how much all of them could do together…"

"Then we train," Redseed adds, also looking at me.

What? Is there something on my nose? He seems to sense my discomfort and continues, "Freak, you'll be in charge of the noobs. Have them train and everything."

"Me?" I say with my voice cracking. How embarrassing.

"We'll help. Some of your recruits might too," the Pokey Lady assures me with a very strange kindness. I kinda like it. Her kindness, I mean. "We can both train them…if you'd like."

If I'd like? Is she serious? She's giving me a choice? Yay! I almost say, "I can handle it by myself" but my mouth jumbles it all and says, "I would like that."

"Once we're all trained and armed," Fireheart murmurs, "we'll go back and find them…and then…" Her expression darkens.

"We kill them." Dawn looks troubled for a moment, and a second later, her face brightens. "Hey, sis, that weapon is definitely not yours."

"Oh, you like it?" Holy cow hides! Fireheart is giggling. She shows us a familiar dragon scimitar. "It's Voldmort's. I was fond of my rune sword, but this replacement isn't too shabby. I love the Protect Item Prayer…"

"That's why he was chasing you, isn't it?" Dawn giggles. Gosh, they're a giggly pair.

"Yes and also because I scared him to death in front of Lord Luxon. He must have been humiliated, poor thing." She snorts dismissively. "Redseed, why so serious?"

"We ought to get started," he says firmly. "No time for laughter now."

For some reason, his words scare me. No more laughter! I'll die without laughter. Of course, I haven't been in the laughing mood lately…what with Wolfbane's meanness and Lady Lore abandoning me and Lord Luxon killing me, and fluffy bunnies taking over the world (what?). I'll stop.

Cook suddenly turns away from the range. "Anyone want cake?"

After glancing at each of us, Redseed hesitates. "Well, I suppose we can recruit after we have cake."

"I agree," I say. They all smile.


	11. Recruiting

We have a plan! For now, Dawn will be gathering her woodcutting noob companions. Fireheart will go to Varrock and Redseed to the city of Falador to see if any higher levels are willing (as Redseed put it) "to lift a finger against Lord Luxon." Meanwhile, I will stay in Lumbridge and befriend as many noobs as possible and explain the mission to them. Simple enough.

"You'll be okay, right?" Redseed inquires with his eyebrows furrowed with worry.

I nod. "There's one thing I don't understand though. Why can't other Runescapians attack each other when they're not in the wild?"

"Saradomin's work," he replies. "He assigned the wilderness as a battle ground for feuds and clan battles. Here, we can only attack monsters."

I take sudden notice of a noob slaughtering a man. Redseed sees where I'm looking and continues, "Those men and women aren't human. They're robots."

"Robots?" Sounds vaguely familiar. Robots? Where have I heard of robots before?

"They're not alive. They're machines created by the gods to serve as citizens."

"Ah…right." I flinch when Redseed pats my shoulder. He's really much stronger than he thinks he is.

"Well, good luck, Freak. I should get going."

"Good luck to you too," I say lamely as he strides away. His blatant blue hair is out of sight within minutes. I can't help remembering the first time I followed him out of Lumbridge to Varrock. For some reason, I want to go after him. I don't want to be alone though Fireheart assured me that Wolfbane and Voldmort probably have returned to Lord Luxon; all three of those villains are out in the wilderness now.

So, I begin to recruit using my friendliest voice. All of the noobs, bright-eyed and naïve, are eager to find a chum, but once I start telling them about Lord Luxon and our mission, they run away from me like I have seven heads. Not a single one of them wants to take on a level one-hundred-and-thirty-eight.

"You're not going to fight alone!" I yell at one noob who shakes his head and stalks off.

"Hey, don't I know you? Freak, right?" The voice certainly sounds familiar. Well, NOW I start remembering things. Though, no matter how hard I think, I can't remember my life before Runescape. I don't understand how I came to be, and I never asked Redseed, Dawn or Fireheart.

"Hamlet," I realize after a moment of squinting, which is kind of useless since I can't see the guy's face due to the full helm he's wearing. "What level are you now?"

"Twenty-five," he says with immense pride. He takes off the helm and slicks back a dark hair from his face. "What are you doing here?"

"Recruiting for an army, but no one wants to join." Hmm. Hamlet's in full gear now. Steel, I think.

"An army for what?" asks Hamlet. Boy, am I glad to tell him. So I explain about Lord Luxon, Wolfbane, Voldmort, their gang of sixties and the enslaved noobs mining rune and coal out in the wilderness. I tell him about our mission: to destroy Luxon and his lackeys.

After I'm done explaining, Hamlet's furious. Not at me though. "ARG! I can't stand high levels! They think they're so much better than us! Lord Luxon!" His face falls into an expression of despair. "He's sounds awful, but I'm no coward. I'll help you guys."

Yay! I hug him with utter exuberance, and he pulls away awkwardly. "Listen, I'll recruit too, but…no more hugs, please. A warrior isn't supposed to be hugged."

Since when? I start thinking I understand this place…then it turns out I don't. In any case, I nod happily and search for more noobs. Level threes. Level tens. I approach anyone who looks poorly equipped and friendly. I finally convince a level twenty, Cheesecracker, to join us. He wants a shot at Lord Luxon, who enslaved his friend.

"He's going to pay," Cheesecracker vows, and I nod. We would all make Lord Luxon pay. Hopefully…Anyway, I send Cheesecracker to find more people. With the three of us out there, informing the general noob public of Luxon's enslavement of fellow Runescapians, we end up with fourteen noobs (excluding the three recruiters).

The sky is growing dark. I'm exhausted. Cheesecracker and Hamlet too. One of the noobs inquires how he'll find us again. Hamlet tells the lot of them to put me on their Friends list, and then nudges me to do vice versa.

I put in a final name in my Friends thingamabob, which apparently allows a person to message a friend from long distances, when all the noobs gasp. I swivel to look at what they're all gaping at. Oh…Heh…He can't hurt me. Redseed said fellow Runescapians can't attack you outside the wild. Even so, Wolfbane looks angry enough to slit my throat with that sword of his.

"Hi," I say weakly.

"Where's Fireheart?" he hisses. "I know you've been hanging out with her and those other rebels."

"What are you talking about?" bursts in Hamlet. He doesn't even whimper when Wolfbane glowers at him. "There's no Fireheart here. This is a Noob Meeting."

"A Noob Meeting?" Wolfbane repeats coolly. Hamlet's right! Grr. These high levels think themselves superior to us! Then I think of Fireheart and Redseed (I usually try not to think about Dawn). They've been nothing but respectful to me even though I'm a noob.

"Yes," I say, "a Noob Meeting. We were discussing the hazards of…talking to barbarians."

"I'm always killed by barbarians," puts in one noob. "That's why this Meeting has been so helpful."

"Me too," pipes in another.

Wolfbane's sword hand is trembling as if he wants to clout me with his weapon. I try my best to stare him down. Eventually, he snorts derisively and walks away. Phew. I'm safe. I turn my eyes fondly to my little recruits (though plenty of them are a higher level than me).

"Let's all gather again tomorrow," I say. "Fireheart wants us to be fifty strong at least. I'll message each of you when we meet."

They nod and leave, all except Cheesecracker and Hamlet. For a moment, I'm suddenly lost. The sky's all dark, but I have no idea where I'm going to sleep tonight. And it's been a long day…

"You don't have a place to sleep, do you?" Hamlet says perceptively. "Well, I know a place we can all rest. My house through the portal in Rimmington."

"Rimmington!" repeats Cheesecracker. "That's a long way from here."

"Well, it's a place to sleep. You don't have to come with us," I say with grin. My fellow recruiter sighs and then prepares to follow Hamlet. With a beam, Hamlet sets off towards a dark path: a path apparently to Draynor.

"The only thing I don't like about this road," says Hamlet conversationally, "are the guards at the Jail on the other end of it!"

"Guards?" I gulp. How much worse could guards be? Compared to dark wizards?

"I hate those jail guards," remarks Cheesecracker.

Although we go past the jail, we catch no glimpse of any guards. Phew. We pass the buildings of Draynor Village. Since Hamlet seems to know where he's going, I'm content to follow. Cheesecracker is following but grumbling too.

"I'm going to need another pair of boots…erg, I think I stepped in bird poo…how much longer are we going to have to walk…hey, isn't this where the highway man usually hangs out?"

AG! Highwayman! Where? We're standing in the middle of a four-way road. I scan the area for vicious highwaymen. Nothing. It's all eerily silent. "Stand and deliver!" I dodge the slash of a knife. Hah! I meet the highwayman's eyes. He hesitates at my glower.

I punch him. Me, the pacifist, punched him! The highwayman reels away and then comes back to attack me. I dodge with a skill I've never had before and knock the robber's chin hard. He howls and dissolves, leaving behind bones.

Cheesecracker and Hamlet are already several meters away from me. Hey…they LEFT me! What if I had died? I pose the question to them and Hamlet answers me with a smile, "You wouldn't have died, Freak, because the highwayman was already injured. We decided it would be best to let you train. Now you're level four."

"What?" I sputter. "How can you tell?"

"Your Status is blinking," Cheesecracker points out. Wow. Weird. I didn't realize that after I died, I got my leather pack with all the basics back (well, everything but my sword and shield). I pull out the Status thing, and sparks erupt around my head.

"AAAH! Spontaneous combustion! Again!" I howl.

The two other noobs begin laughing. Well, I never! How dare they laugh at me. I wait until they stop laughing.

"It's not spontaneous combustion. Is it?"

"No, Freak. It's leveling up." Hamlet's grin annoys me now. I push onward. The other two exchange amused glances and then follow.

"Leveling up," I mutter. Well, leveling up is scary. It's like you're exploding.

We eventually make it to Rimmington: a drab place with a bunch of scattered buildings. Hamlet ushers us into the (oo, pretty) portal and warns us to say his name the moment we step into the portal. "It's Hamlet346."

I smile weakly at the pulsing, purple, swirling portal. "Okay." I feel my entire body jerked forward as I step inside the portal. "Hamlet346!" I say. Fine, I screamed it. My ear fluids go crazy, and I get dizzy. I would have fallen over, but the portal wouldn't allow it.

Then I finally fall and land sprawled on the stone floor of Hamlet's house. Hamlet himself is grinning down at Cheesecracker and me. Apparently, I wasn't the only one to take a tumble.

"Home sweet home, ain't it?" With a happy sigh, Hamlet floats off into another room. "I'll get you both some beers and food."

Beers and food. As if that could make up for…Wow, he has a nice house! Well, at least here, I might find some peace of mind.


	12. Zamorak's Chosen One

We're munching away at kebabs (which are pretty darn good) and sipping (gulping in Cheesecracker's case) our beers. Ah, this is the life. If we didn't have the evil Lord Luxon and his cronies to fight and monsters, random highwaymen and jail guards to watch out for, I might have said Runescape is an awesome place.

We're seated in his kitchen, which consists of four chairs and a small table. Hamlet suddenly looks around the room and mutters, "I should put up my Construction level. This room is boring."

"Well, at least there's a solid roof over our heads," Cheesecracker mumbles. I'm pretty sure that's what he mumbled, but it's hard to tell with drunk Runescapians. "OH and there's a cabbage." He points at the blank wall.

Hamlet sighs. "You've overdone it, mate. Get yourself to bed."

"Right away, sir." He salutes and stumbles from the room. We hear a resounding crash. I can't help smiling. Maybe we noobs do crash into walls but only when drunk… Hamlet goes to investigate and comes back a minute later.

"He's out like a dead thing," Hamlet says with a laugh, "but I pulled him to his room."

For a while, we sit in silence. Suddenly, Hamlet slams his beer tankard on the small table. "Tell me about Lord Luxon," he says quietly. His eyes rove the room as if maybe the high level is listening in.

"He's scary," I say laconically. "He's got a handsome face, but it's a cruel face too with black, empty eyes. He wears light blue armor with red trimmings--"

"Zamorak."

"What?"

"He wears the rune armor of Zamorak."

So, Lord Luxon killed some guy named Zamorak and now wears that guy's armor? Wow. That is rather cruel. I ask Hamlet the latter question, and he shakes his head.

"Zamorak is a god."

I twitch. How did Lord Luxon get the armor of a god? Can he kill gods? Maybe this guy is too much for even a huge army to handle if he can KILL a god!

"Anyone can buy the armor of Zamorak…well, if you have the money." Oh. Hamlet smiles, and then another question comes up in my constantly inquisitive mind.

"Zamorak is a god? What about Saradomin and Guthix?"

Hamlet never seems to lose his patience. "Well, among the gods, Zamorak is the wicked one. Saradomin is the goody-goody, and Guthix is stuck in the middle. By the sound of it, Lord Luxon's got Zamorak on his side. NO…he couldn't be!"

Hamlet's alarm alarms me…gah, what is it? Maybe he's having an epiphany…

"There's a prophecy about Zamorak's Chosen One: the one who'll rule Runescape for him. He's described like you've described Lord Luxon," mutters Hamlet, turning as pale as the walls of his kitchen. "He must be Zamorak's Chosen One. The One who's peaked the level limit, with eyes of cold coal'…"

I stroke the imaginary beard on my chin. "Is this bigger than the enslavement of us noobs then?"

"I'm afraid so." Hamlet's hand is shaking as he picks up his beer again. The drink is set down a moment later as my friend realizes what a mess he's making. As for me, I can't take another sip of the beer. Too much dread in the belly…or maybe gas. "It's only the beginning. Why not start with the noobs first? Then he'll move on to enslave the higher levels."

"So we're doomed," I say. Typical. All this bravery for nothing. I wasted my time. Fireheart. Redseed. Dawn. They've all wasted their time. We can't do anything against a guy favored by the dark god Zamorak. We're GONERS!

Though I know Hamlet disapproves of gestures of affection, I take his hand. He doesn't protest. Suddenly, Hamlet's grip grows stronger. A strange look enters his eyes. "No, we're not doomed."

Huh? I'm trying to let go of his hand, but he's squeezing my hand too hard. What does he mean? Ah…my hand…is being crushed. "My hand!" He lets go.

"Sorry, Freak," he apologizes. He's suddenly smiling again. "I figure if prophecy talks about Zamorak's Chosen One, there has to be Saradomin's Chosen One. But who?"

I bolt upright in my seat. "It must be Fireheart. She organized this whole thing first."

Hamlet nods. "I hope you're right. For all of our sakes…" The sudden darkness in his voice sends a chill up my spine. My friend notices my violent shudder. "You should go to bed. I'll show you your room."

I let him and then fall wearily onto the bed in the pleasant, little room. The door snaps shut. The sound is reassuring. Hah! Neither Wolfbane nor Lord Luxon can touch me here. However, my wandering mind keeps coming back to those noobs Luxon's enslaved. What about **them**? Here in my comfy bed, I can't help a flood of guilt. Well, we'd free them, or my name isn't FREAK449!

After that little pep talk to myself, I fall asleep.

--

For the first time, I'm going to do the Lumbridge Home Teleport. It's a little, breakable white stick; break it, and you'll be transported to Lumbridge (apparently). Cheesecracker takes the stick from his pack and snaps it in front of me. The air around him glows a funky purple color. Before my eyes, he vanishes.

"He's…gone," I say stupidly. Hamlet gestures for me to try. Glancing around at the solid walls of his house, I rummage through my leather pack until I find the Teleport stick. I break it and feel a rush of magical energy. Oo, I feel floaty…Speaking of floaty, Cheesecracker seemed no worse for his drunken episode yesterday. And today we would need all of our wits with us, and that's not a lot of wits, I'm sorry to say.

I close my eyes, and when I open them, I'm in ole Lumbridge. Cheesecracker is pointing at something behind me. AAAH! Oh…only the noobs we recruited. Heh. Silly me. A whoosh sound unnerves me further, and I jump for a second time. But it's only Hamlet.

The noobs are watching me with large, innocent eyes. Well, it's time to recruit. The sun is shining. There are no menacing monsters around. It's a perfect day. I send them off in little groups to convince more noobs to join our cause. Much to my surprise, they actually remember what I had told them yesterday.

Hamlet, Cheesecracker and I part ways to cover more ground. Hamlet goes off to the Lumbridge swamp where there's popular mining and fishing spots. Cheesecracker is wandering near the main Lumbridge shop and the path to Draynor. I've assigned myself Lumbridge castle and the church nearby.

Out of curiosity, I enter the church where an old man smiles benevolently down at me. "Hello, son."

Is he my father? I assume not. Priests… "Hello, um…"

"Father Aereck," he supplies. I look around the sunny, benevolent-looking church.

"This is a church of Saradomin? Right?" It's too bright to be Zamorak's. "Father Aereck, have you heard of Zamorak's Chosen One? Does Saradomin have a Chosen One?"

I'm afraid the priest nearly had a heart attack. Poor bloke. I take his arm and help him sit down on the front pew. "I'm sorry?"

"No, my boy. It's quite all right. You surprised me." Father Aereck is trembling like Hamlet was trembling yesterday. "You know, there's no such thing as Zamorak's Chosen One."

He's lying. I can tell. "There is. Does the name Lord Luxon sound familiar to you?"

The priest presses his back into the wooden pew. He's one terrified old geezer. Shaking his head vehemently, Father Aereck sputters, "Nope. Haven't heard of him! He **hasn't **been threatening me."

Ah ha! "Of course not," I say soothingly. "What else hasn't he done?" I hope the old man gets what I'm saying. He can tell me by not telling me. Well, it made sense a second ago.

"He **doesn't **want this church to become one of Zamorak's. Oh no, he doesn't!" mutters the priest. "He certainly **hasn't** threatened to smash my precious organ to pieces if I resist." Here the old geezer gives a great sob. I glance at the beautiful organ at the back of the church.

"That would be awful. To silence music. To rid the world of joy. That's his plan, isn't it?"

"My boy, it certainly isn't **Zamorak**'**s** plan."

I see. I pull Father Aereck to his feet. "Sorry to bother you further, but you didn't answer my question about Saradomin's Chosen One."

"I don't know," he breathes, "or do I know?" Hmm. Either way you look at it, the priest doesn't know. "You **shouldn't** ask Reldo the librarian in Varrock. He **doesn't** live in the castle in Varrock."

I nod. "Thank you. I'll leave you in peace."

Trembling, Father Aereck smiles. "Saradomin be with you, son." I exit the church, feeling greatly disturbed. Lord Luxon, terrifying as he is, must be stopped. To think he's threatening old people now! Fine, pick on the noobs but leave the old geezers alone!

With my anger at Lord Luxon driving me like fuel, I spread the news to every noob I came across. Some stared at me and walked away. Others looked panicked but eventually agreed to help us. I entered each of their names into my Friends list. I glanced briefly at Lady Lore's name. It didn't glow like all the other names. Somehow, she's disappeared, or maybe she doesn't want to be found even by me. The thought hurt. Hurt more than I thought anything could possibly hurt (though Luxon's whip is a close second).

At the end of the day, I count the number of names of my Friends list. Twenty-eight not counting Lady Lore (oh, my heart), the Pokey Lady, Fireheart and Redseed. I hope the others have found more noobs. I poke Hamlet's name. The screen read: Enter Message.

"Meet me in front of Lumbridge Castle," I type in. I poke the Enter button. The screen of the thingamabob flickers. Message sent. I do the same to message Cheesecracker. Finally two answers come back.

"I'm coming." Hamlet's.

"Okay. I'm almost done. Wait five bloody minutes. All of the others who went recruiting found me. Let me put in the names of the new noobs." Cheesecracker's message.

All right. I'll admit it. This long distance messaging thing is so cool! Prepared to wait, I sit on the steps leading to Lumbridge Castle and twiddle my thumbs. And I manage to think a little too while twiddling my thumbs. My logic is: even if Lord Luxon has the power of Zamorak behind him, we have Saradomin. Thus, this would all end well because the good guys always win.


	13. A Turn For the Worse

We're sitting outside the steps of Lumbridge Castle and comparing Friends Lists. With his superior counting skills, Hamlet concludes we have fifty-four noobs at our command.

"How many noobs would we get each?" I mutter sounding almost as if we were dividing cookies. I like cookies. "Do you guys like cookies?"

"What are cookies?" Cheesecracker raises an eyebrow in a manner that asks are-you-still-sane? I do wonder if I am a sane little nooblet. Nooo-blet. Still love the sound of that word.

"I'm not sure, but I remember I like them," I murmur. Hamlet and Cheesecracker exchange confused glances. "Anyway…if each of us will command one unit--"

"Eighteen noobs per unit," Hamlet answers before I can finish the question. Wow, he's good at math.

"That's a manageable number though the level thirties will complain about being led by low-levels." Cheesecracker reflectively picks a piece of grass from the Lumbridge Castle lawn and chews on it. He spits the grass out a moment later. His eyes have widened in horror.

Hamlet and I are facing towards the Lumbridge Castle, so whatever menace is currently making Cheesecracker speechless is not from the castle.

"YOU!" The one word is filled with complete dread, and I know it's Lord Luxon. I whip around to stare at the high level. Hamlet does too…more cautiously as if the high level's stare would make him drop dead.

"Me," Lord Luxon purrs. His black eyes glimmer with amusement. "Me and the rest of my humble crew." He gestures to Wolfbane, Voldmort and fourteen other level sixties. They number seventeen. We're fifty-seven strong. So why do I feel scared? Gah…the other fifty-four aren't currently with us. Even so, Luxon and his gang couldn't touch us.

"So," I begin boldly, "how are your operations in the wild?"

"They're thriving," replies Luxon with a startling bow. "I thank you for asking. You're such a polite noob. I'm so sorry we'll have to slaughter you and the rest of your friends."

"What makes you think we're going to fight you?" I mutter. No element of surprise now.

"We're not blind, and Fireheart is not famous for her discretion." Wolfbane is running his fingers along the rune scimitar clutched in his hand. I hope he cuts himself! Oh, an awful thought…

"Do you truly believe an army of noobs can take us on?" The creepy high level laughs. To himself mostly. Wolfbane and the other sixties look as freaked out as I feel.

"I do," Cheesecracker growls. "We'll destroy each and every one of you!"

The sixties behind the level one-hundred-and-thirty-eight look amused. Lord Luxon, however, has lost his smile. "Destroy us? You three alone?"

"There are more of us!" Abruptly, Cheesecracker is shut up as Hamlet slaps a hand across Cheesecracker's mouth.

For some reason, my insides are telling me something is wrong. Why would Lord Luxon come all the way to Lumbridge to taunt us? He could have sent just Wolfbane or Voldmort, who is currently wielding an enormous, rune two-hand sword.

"Why are you here?" I ask Lord Luxon. All my fear of him is drowned out by another fear.

"I've come to show how hopeless your mission is and to break the peace in Lumbridge." Lord Luxon smiles and then gestures for one of the sixties to step forward. "Griswold, give them a taste of the change."

We are frozen in place as Griswold slashes violently at Cheesecracker. I close my eyes. **Saradomin** can handle this. I can't. I'm just a noob! A cry of pain forces my eyes open. Where Cheesecracker once stood is a pile of bones. Terrified now, Hamlet backs away and knocks into me.

"You killed him." They can touch us now. "Is it the same in Varrock? In Falador?" Then Fireheart and Redseed are in danger.

"Only Lumbridge has undergone the change," Lord Luxon assures me. "Varrock and Falador are both much harder to corrupt."

GRR! I search the crowd watching this spectacle for Cheesecracker. After he died, he should have come back here. "Where is he?"

"Your friend?" Griswold sneers. "He's in the wild."

With a fake gasp, Lord Luxon nudges the leering level sixty-something. "Griswold, you gave it away! Let me just clarify. The new re-spawn location is in the wilderness…at least for those killed in Lumbridge."

"Straight into the cages that hold noobs," Voldmort adds. "We'll need to expand the dungeons, won't we, my lord?"

Lord Luxon nods and then puts on a cold smile for me. "Now, Freak, I should kill you here and now, but I do want to see how you and your army fare against us. It should be…what's the word, Wolfbane?"

"Fun?" he offers.

"No, not quite." Luxon is pretending to frown. Hamlet, who's dead quiet, has a hold on my arm. His eyes are burning with anger, but of course, he knows (like I do) that we can't do anything until we get out of Lumbridge.

"Funny?" continues Wolfbane.

Lord Luxon shakes his head. "Almost…"

"Amusing," I put in. Of course. He enjoys suffering, doesn't he?

Clapping his hands with delight, Lord Luxon then pulls me over to hug me. GAAAH! "You are a smart, little noob, aren't you? You'll grow up with a smart mouth."

"Sure," I agree weakly. He's squeezing me too tight, and his entire body radiates cold like ice. Dang, he's strong!

"Don't touch him!" cries Hamlet, and he narrowly ducks a swipe from Wolfbane's scimitar.

In any case, Lord Luxon does release me. I feel numb. Indifferent to my trembling, Lord Luxon sighs. "You see, my friends, what good affection does? I try to be the tiniest bit friendly, and I have people yelling at me. Come along; we have work to do. Farewell, Freak."

I nod briefly at the high level before he struts away with his "friends." They're more his lackeys than friends. "Hamlet, we have to get every Runescapian out of Lumbridge."

"They're not going to listen," he says.

"Then we take our noobs and whoever agrees out of Lumbridge. To Varrock."

"What about Cheesecracker?" Hamlet's eyes reflect a frightening sadness.

"He'll get back somehow." Desperately, I pull out my Friends list. I type in a message to Cheesecracker: "Where are you?"

The answer surprises me and gives me hope. "I've just escaped the stupid prison out in the wild (by the looks of it). Got to run. Can't talk."

"He out's of the prison," I sigh in relief. Hamlet jostles me a bit as he struggles to see the screen.

"May I?" Hamlet holds out his hand for the Friends list, and once it's in his hand, he types in: "Head south."

A crabby message returns. "I know. I'm not a complete noob."

I would be offended, but I can't be. "I need to check something." I leave Hamlet to message Cheesecracker and find the church. I must have gasped out loud because the woman robot near the church asks, "Are you okay?"

OKAY? NO, I'm NOT okay. The stone that makes up the church is now charred black. On the door are evil-looking symbols. I'm afraid to enter it, but I do anyway. The inside is worse. The pews look rotted, and on the altar lies a blood-red cloth. Also on the altar is a jug of wine.

I creep towards the jug and try to pick it up. AAAH! Everything tingles painfully as I'm zapped by some force.

"GAH! STOP STEALING MY WINE!" yells an unfamiliar voice.

Though my head was sore, I manage to look up as brisk footsteps come my way. A bald-headed, red-eyed, red-robed monk is staring at me with hostility. "Touch the wine again, and I'll kill you. My master will not tolerate fools that try to snatch his wine."

"He can guard his own wine," I reply with a wince. "He doesn't need you. By the way, who are you?"

"I'm the monk of Zamorak who was imprisoned in Varrock Castle for all those years. Idiots. I knew I would escape one day and make every single one of them suffer!" growls the obviously deranged monk. The monk of **Zamorak**!

"Lord Luxon freed you," I mutter, and the monk looks sheepish for a moment.

"Yes, but he has promised that those who imprisoned me shall suffer. In addition, I get this place." The monk smiles. Yup, he must be real proud of his dark, dank shrine.

"Where's Father Aereck?" I can't help the question as I realize that the priest's beloved organ is smashed beyond recognition. It looks like a pile of firewood now.

"Upstairs. Strung to the bell."

"You mean you hanged him?!" I ask in horror. NO! A harmless, old man! He can't have!

"No, he's tied up next to the bell." The monk shrugs and then kneels in front of the altar. He's muttering a prayer, and so I slip upstairs.

I climb up another ladder to find a pale, wasted Father Aereck lying beside an enormous bell. My fingers itch to ring the bell, but my head reminds my naughty fingers that there are more pressing issues at hand (no pun intended).

"Father?"

"You." His silver eyes open briefly. Pain beyond pain in those eyes makes me want to bawl. "They smashed her, and then they took over Saradomin's holy church. My church…"

"We'll get the church back," I vow. "Somehow."

"It's too late. The darkness is spreading. Zamorak's Chosen One has no one to oppose him. My lad, Saradomin has no Chosen One."

I tremble with frustration. NO! NO! It has to be Fireheart! Or someone! "We're opposing him! We're fighting him!"

"Lad, what was your name again?" The priest's question strikes me as random, but I answer anyway.

"Freak449. Call me Freak."

"Well, Freak. I am glad you haven't lost hope, but it would be **best** to give up such false hope." The priest closes his eyes. He tugs at the chain binding him to the bell. "Saradomin's presence in Lumbridge is gone. There is no hope."

"It's just a turn for the worse," I protest. "We'll fix it."

"We? What we?" I swear the priest just snarled.

"Me. Hamlet. Cheesecracker. Dawn. Fireheart. Redseed. We."

"Give up hope!" In a burst of random strength, Father Aereck sits up enough to put his hands around my throat. "I'll kill you, Freak, before Luxon lays a hand on you!"

A glimmer of red in the priest's eyes makes me shove him away. Me shoving an old man! "You're not you, Father."

With a sob, Father Aereck slumps back onto the floor. "You're right. The darkness is taking me over too. Go, Freak, before it affects you as well."

I'm about to take his advice gladly and then pause to look at the manacles binding the priest. I can't leave the old bloke here. While I hesitate, Father Aereck looks back at me. The red in his irises has returned.

"Go, fool! Run! Build up your army! There is nothing you can do against the power of Zamorak!" The hissing voice does not belong to Father Aereck. If I'm not mistaken, Zamorak was speaking through the old guy. Talk about freaky. My feet had me out of there before I could make a move to free the priest.

The moment I step out of the church I crash into Hamlet. His lips tilt upward in an attempted smile. "This church doesn't belong to Saradomin anymore, does it?"

"No. We have to get to Varrock." I almost jump when I realize our army is standing behind Hamlet. "Listen, all of you, Lumbridge is no longer safe! Persuade your friends to come with us to Varrock! They don't need to fight, but for their sakes, persuade them to come. We'll meet by the Lumbridge General store in an hour."

They all nod and scurry off. I sit on the front steps of ole Lumbridge Castle and glance at the sky. Those dark clouds weren't there before, and for some reason, I don't think it's going to rain. The trees in Lumbridge courtyard are suddenly dead trees.

"Hey, you two!"

The familiar shout forces my eyes away from the sky.

"The journey was terrible, but at least, I'm here. I need to replace my boots."

Same old Cheesecracker. I see Hamlet's gotten emotional.

"Hamlet, give me five!" With a cheerful grin, Cheesecracker offers his palm to Hamlet.

"Five what? Five gps?" Hamlet suddenly becomes gruff. "Well, I'm darn glad to see you, but it doesn't mean I'll pay you."

"Fine!" snaps Cheesecracker in mock annoyance. "Freak, you give me five!"

Indulgently, I slap my palm against his. "We're leaving Lumbridge."

The news doesn't surprise Cheesecracker. "Figured. Where are we going?"

"Varrock. Then we'll train." I exhale to calm myself. What if by the time we got to Varrock, Lord Luxon had taken over too? No. He can't. No use thinking negatively.

"Sounds good to me." Despite being killed, Cheesecracker hasn't lost an ounce of his arrogance. That's a relief because we couldn't afford to be disheartened by death. I had a feeling we'd be facing death soon.


	14. Time to Train

The grand exodus to Varrock includes more than two hundred noobs. There are also at least one hundred middle and high levels who heard about Zamorak's takeover of Lumbridge. I lose count after two hundred, and Hamlet loses count after four hundred. Cheesecracker is leading us and keeping an eye out for danger, so he can't count. A couple of the higher levels (fifties and sixties) are trailing behind Cheesecracker, and the rest of them are bringing up the rear.

Hamlet is walking beside me and appears to be lost in deep thoughts. Meanwhile, I have a finger lingering over Fireheart's name on my Friends list. I can't bear to break the bad news to her. For some reason, the fall of Lumbridge feels like my fault. This unwelcome guilt made me reluctant to message Redseed too. I finally settled for sending a message to Dawn.

"Where are you?" I hope my plaintive words didn't sound too desperate.

"Draynor," comes an immediate message back. "I'm training with my woodcutting pals. Is something wrong?"

I blink at the perceptive assumption. I type in, "Why would you think that?"

"Otherwise, you wouldn't be contacting me. What's the bad news? Redseed and Fireheart will find out eventually!"

Oh fish sticks. I can hear the Pokey Lady's arrogant tone at this very moment. How concerning. With trembling fingers, I put in, "Lumbridge has fallen. Runescapians can attack other Runescapians now."

After a minute of no message, Dawn's reply finally comes, "It's all right. Just don't stay in Lumbridge."

"We're headed to Varrock," I reply.

"Good. Go there and train. Tell Fireheart everything."

My attention is diverted from the Friends list when Hamlet nudges me. "The dark wizards are close," he mutters.

However, I see that the high levels are sending groups of noobs (ten or twelve of them per group) to run to the safety behind Varrock city walls. Bit by bit, our group vanishes into the city until only Cheesecracker, Hamlet and the relatively high levels remain.

I stride over to one of them, a friendly-looking chap. "Thanks for organizing that."

The Runescapian's face contorts into an expression of surprise. "Uh, noob, you might want to run to Varrock before those dark wizards catch sight of you."

Puffing up in anger, I declare, "Yes, I am a noob, but I am also Freak449, commander of…" Wait, what am I commander of?

"Noobs," finishes Hamlet. He jumps when a magical bolt strikes the ground near his feet.

"The wizards are coming! The wizards are coming!" Cheesecracker laughs. Despite his amusement at the imminent terror of dark wizards, my fellow commander runs ahead towards Varrock. GAH! I HATE dark wizards! I believe my least favorite word is dark and combined with wizard, the word's ten times worse!

I flee onto the streets on Varrock, ignoring the puzzled glances of nearby guards. I'm alive! I wasn't terrified for more than a minute. Really. Once I catch my breath in the center of Varrock, I realize our noobs are waiting anxiously in three groups of eighteen for further instructions. I take a gander at them.

Most are young and have hair of wild colors (pink, violet, sky blue and green…take your pick). Several of them are actually female. In any case, all are poorly equipped in the weaponry-and items-to-wear department. What fine troops! I wipe a sentimental tear from my eye.

Cheesecracker nudges me. "Shall I take my unit to train?"

I nod. Hamlet suddenly enters the scene, which is an odd one actually. A bunch of noobs standing around in Varrock Square: most rapt with attention and quiet as the grave. I can't help noticing that the dark hair on Hamlet's head is on fire. It's only a little flame but concerning.

"Hamlet, your head's on fire," Cheesecracker points out with his usual bluntness.

"ARG!" Turning pale, Hamlet smothers the fire with frantic hands. "Damn those dark wizards…"

In a few minutes, we all separate. I'm followed my eighteen eager noobs, and I'll admit I'm at a loss. How does one train? But first…I ask the names of my crew. Heck, it shouldn't be too hard to learn their names.

"Forgen12." I ask if I might call him Forge. He agrees.

"Blackdragon567." Him I dub Blackie.

"Aurora56." A rather pretty level twelve.

"Fluffybunny1." Nice to meet ya, Fluffy.

"Gorgonwrath7." He's a fierce-looking level thirty.

"Gembit42."

"Gnokhead17."

"Lady Posetta."

"Rosegarden2."

"Queen Grae."

"Dolina754."

"Saint Loren." He tells me he has fifty-seven prayer. Whatever that means.

"Jugular778."

"Fritterbug23."

"Goldeneye64."

"Marigold359."

"Hammockhead."

"Bluestar." This noob offers a hand for me to shake. I stare at it for a moment before taking it. His grip is solid, and his expression tells me that he's not power-hungry, embittered or loony. I immediately consider him as a potential second-in-command, but I don't tell him that.

"How do we train?" I ask Bluestar. He ponders for a moment.

"There's a training area near the other bank. A place with training dummies," says Bluestar. I like the honest blue gleam in his eyes. No treachery there. I decide to trust him and to let him lead us to the place.

"What level are you?" challenges Gorgonwrath. He's speaking to Bluestar rather than me. For some reason, I feel overshadowed.

"Eighty-four. What's it to you?" answers Bluestar. His words are aggressive, but his tone is perfectly--what the heck am I going on about tone for? A level eighty-four!

"But…You look like a noob," I stutter. Level EIGHTY-FOUR!

"I'm a noob at heart," declares Bluestar with a grin. "Don't tell me I'm not welcome."

"You're perfectly welcome to join us," twitters Aurora. She seems very taken with Bluestar. He's not bad-looking. I'll give him that. Aurora blinks her dark eyes at me. "We could use high levels to fight Lord Luxon."

At the sound of that name, my heart shudders in fear. "That's true." My heart then sinks. "Bluestar, you should take over our unit. I'm just a noob."

A fleeting look of dismay crosses Bluestar's face. "No. You are the leader. A level doesn't make a great leader. This is your unit, sir. Not mine."

He called me sir…

Even with his refusal to become leader, Bluestar is content to show us the straw-stuffed dummies we can practice on. While a few people hack away at dummies, Bluestar, experienced as he is, demonstrates that we can attack him if not vice versa.

"A slight flaw in Saradomin's work," he jokes, "but I guess not even gods can be perfect."

The high level takes our blows with aplomb. Every now and then, he munches on a slice of pizza. I feel guilty striking at him until I imagine Lord Luxon. That loathsome smile of Luxon's raises the rage in me. How worrying.

I finally desist though Bluestar doesn't seem too battered. "Why are you eating?" I ask. Seems like an odd time for a snack.

"For healing."

"Strange world," I muttered. Eat to heal? I thought it's eat to live? Maybe in some other world. A memory flickers in my mind for a moment of a land different from Runescape. I'm suddenly staring at a square portal, but inside that portal is a screen of the world of Runescape…but I'm somehow outside the screen and looking in!

"Sir?" Bluestar's voice drives the memory away. Back to reality?

"Don't call me 'sir.' My name is Freak." I smile at him and the ones hacking away at him with various weaponry before checking up on the four attacking the dummies. Sparks (it's not spontaneous combustion, I remind myself) are exploding around their heads.

Jugular, Fritterbug, Dolina and Hammockhead pause to grin at me. After returning their smiles, I slip outside the building. Ah, so many at the bank! They have no idea about Luxon's evil intentions. I can warn them, but more than likely, they'd brush my warnings off. After all, I am a noob. Or am I?

I take out the Status thingamabob and click on the flashing icons. Letters flash at me. Sparks explode around my head and I try not flinch away from the bothersome colors.

The Status reads: "Combat Level 10." No way…

Jumping for joy, I re-enter the building. All around me, sparks are exploding. So terrifying! But exhilarating. I catch Bluestar's eye, and he nods.

"What level are you, sir?"

"The name's Freak," I correct him briefly and then I grin. "I'm level ten!"

The other noobs attack me in their joy.

"I'm level twenty now!"

"Level seventeen! WOOT!"

"Twenty-three!"

"I'm level ten!"

"Thirty-two!"

"Fourteen!"

"Eight!"

"Level nine!" Marigold throws her arms around my neck. I indulge her though I can't help thinking of Lady Lore. Be still my heart…

The sound of progress heartens me. What heartens me even more is Bluestar's presence. He reminds me of Fireheart. Blasé. Sensible. Calm. Maybe it's a high level thing. But both Fireheart and Bluestar have something that Lord Luxon lacks: sincerity, integrity and a genuine respect for noobs.

Now, with a sigh, I prepare to focus on one thing: training. Oh bother. The others seem to be enjoying themselves. Why can't I? Maybe my pacifist nature is rebelling against the concept of training by hacking at things.

"Freak?" Bluestar directs his bright smile towards me. I step back into the dummy arena with a silly reluctance. "Is something wrong?"

I shrug. Nope. Training. Business as usual for Runescapians.


	15. Fireheart's Would Be Conspiracy

After messaging Hamlet and Cheesecracker to check up on their progress, I reluctantly decide it's time to break the bad news to Fireheart. Maybe the Pokey Lady has already told her. In any case, I should report back to her. Bluestar agrees.

"She should be told exactly what happened in Lumbridge. I'll come with you."

"The others…"

"Can train on dummies and on guards," he supplies with a disarming smile. I stare at the high level for a minute and finally deduce that he's excited.

This isn't the time to beat around the bush. "Why are you so excited?"

"I want to meet the woman who has the courage to stand up to Lord Luxon! Finally, that bully will get what he deserves." A strange glimmer (perhaps of maniacal vindictiveness) appears in Bluestar's eyes.

"Um…did Lord Luxon do something to you? Maybe to someone you love?"

Bluestar hesitates before saying, "Lord Luxon is my father."

My world goes black. Eventually, I realize that someone has dumped water all over my head. I wring out my soaked locks and look up blearily at the concerned SON of Lord Luxon. "You're…his son?" Now I can see the resemblance. The eerie charm of both of their faces. Their eyebrows are the same. The nose too. GAHHHH! THIS IS TOO CREEPY!

"He's not much of a father," Bluestar says with a humorless laugh. "I can't stand being related to him."

His tone pulls at my heart. He speaks as if HE should be ashamed. For being born! I place a hand on his well-muscled arm. "Well, we can't choose our relatives, and at least you have relatives. I don't know where the heck I came from."

Winking roguishly, Bluestar laughs, "Reproduction is always complicated."

I bet. Moving on… "We should hurry, but I don't know where I'm going." That could be a slight problem.

"Send her a message," Lord Luxon's son---NO, I shall henceforth only think of him as Bluestar!--murmurs.

"Okay." After fiddling around with my Friends List, I receive a returning message from Fireheart.

"I'm at the Varrock Castle. Dawn said to ask you about Lumbridge."

My nervous fingers type in and send, "What did she tell you about Lumbridge?"

"Only that something is wrong. You better come here and clear that up, Freak."

"I will. Soon." A moment later, the words "Varrock Castle" reminds me of Reldo. I'd forgotten about asking Reldo about Saradomin's Chosen One.

I turn to Bluestar, who looks almost depressed. "Can you lead us to Reldo?"

His face lights up. "No problem. Just follow me."

--

No such thing. The librarian with a pony-tail is surveying me now with concern. I'm numb with shock.

"No such thing!" I mutter. "There has to be mention of Saradomin's Chosen One…if Zamorak has a Chosen One!"

Reldo snorts. "True, there is a book that concerns Zamorak's Chosen One, but it's a tale! Not real. Prophecy is highly unreliable."

I whip around to glower at the thick-headed librarian. Clearly, he hasn't heard of Lord Luxon. "Well, Zamorak does have a Chosen One. A Runescapian named Lord Luxon."

Blanching and straightening his spectacles, Reldo spat, "Impossible!"

Bluestar, who has been quiet as a wall so far, mutters, "It's true. He's got the power of Zamorak behind him."

After a brutal shake of his head, Reldo insists, "I've never heard of Saradomin picking a hero to fight Zamorak's Chosen One. Nonetheless, I shall look further into it."

"Well, I know there's a Chosen One for us!" I say staunchly. "I don't need a dumb book or a dumb prophecy to tell me that!"

With my nose in the air, I stomp from the library with Bluestar trailing after me. GRR! The nerve of that librarian! I bet he eats books for breakfast! Not that I have anything against reading. I love reading…I think. My memory is still awful. I still don't understand where Runescape came from or where I come from. Maybe I never will.

AAAH! I think I've smashed straight into someone.

"Watch where you're going, idiot!" snaps an armored woman. Then she shakes a steel sword in my face.

I feel Bluestar tug me backwards until my back is against his arm. "Please excuse him, my lady. He's been distracted…by weighty matters, I presume." Here the high level gives me a wry look.

Much to my astonishment, the lady (warrior woman, really) giggles and turns quite pink. "I'm sorry. Perhaps I should have been more alert." She's not apologizing to me. Nope, she only has eyes for Bluestar.

"It happens," soothes Bluestar. Ain't he a charmer?

"Abby, what's going on?" A well-dressed, gold-crowned man enters the hall. I can only assume that he's a king, or maybe he likes playing dress-up? Of course, Varrock Castle has to belong to someone---why not a king?

"I crashed into this noob a minute ago, Your Majesty," giggles the warrior woman. "Sorry for making such a clamor."

The king rolls his eyes. "It's quite all right, Abby. You've only startled the life from me."

Abby smiles at the king's tone. "May I take my leave, Your Majesty?" Once the royal hand is waved, the warrior woman walks away though she occasionally glances back to stare amorously at Bluestar until she disappears into another room.

"King Roald, have you seen a woman who calls herself Fireheart?"

Bluestar knows a king! Why am I not surprised?

After a second, King Roald says, "I have. She's meeting with Lord Luxon in the dining hall. I've never seen Abby infatuated before…"

I refuse to let my body faint no matter how much it wants to. Fireheart is MEETING with Lord Luxon? "Your Majesty, perhaps you mean she is arguing with him or battling him?"

Considering me, the king murmurs, "No. When I left them, they were talking quite civilly."

Quite CIVILLY!

"Thank you, Your Majesty." When King Roald inclines his head as permission to leave, Bluestar bows. I follow his example hastily, and we leave behind a king amused by my attempt at a bow! Well, I've never had to bow to anyone before…

Before the doors of the dining hall (I assume), Bluestar yanks me to into a position where he can look me in the eye. "Are you sure Fireheart is on our side?"

"She hates Lord Luxon. She's fighting for us noobs." Isn't she? Otherwise I might just cry.

Placing a hand on my head, Bluestar murmurs, "We can't barge in there."

Of course not! Let's eavesdrop then! Sourly, I suggest this to Bluestar, and he agrees! A warning look in his eyes tells me not to argue. Ah well. He's the high level. He knows what to do…I hope.

With deft fingers, Bluestar pries the two doors open a bit. At the closest table sits Fireheart and…that loathsome Lord Luxon. They're both sipping at wine as if they are the only two in the room! Uh…of course, they don't know that Bluestar and I are here.

"I thought you a fool to challenge me, but you are brave," purrs Lord Luxon. For once, he's not in armor, but his muscled build shows me he could still withstand several blows without flinching. Heck, I can't even imagine Lord Luxon flinching.

"Thank you." I'm glad to note the hint of tension in Fireheart's voice. She looks gorgeous. Maybe it's the slinky dress she's wearing. Or the light in the room? OH, snap out of it, Freak! Think Lady Lore! I almost groan in agony, but Bluestar puts a hand over my mouth. He reads my moods like Reldo reads books!

"You called me here to negotiate," Lord Luxon murmurs. His gaze suddenly settles on the door. I can't help feeling that he's staring straight at me, but he's not. Surely he would have told Fireheart? "You want me to free the noobs in exchange for whatever else I desire?"

She nods her dark head. NO WAY! Give Lord Luxon anything he wants? The freedom of enslaved noobs isn't worth Runescape being ruled by Lord Luxon! Then we'd all be enslaved.

After a long minute of silence, Luxon laughs, "I like the way you bargain, Fireheart. I'll make you my own offer. What I want is a long struggle. Suffering is always an extra bonus. If taking over Runescape is ridiculously easy, then what is the point? After our little war that **I** will win, I would like you to be my partner and aid me in ruling Runescape."

Fireheart is silent. Grr! Just say "NO!" and boot him out of here!

Luxon dares to reach out to clutch her hand! "Perhaps you would prefer to be my girlfriend?"

"I have no love for you." That's right. Take that, Luxon!

"Surely there is one love all Runescapians have in common?" continues Lord Luxon, undeterred.

"Well, it's certainly not a love for you." Yep. Certainly not.

"Two hundred million gold pieces a week is yours if you join me." The level one-hundred and thirty-eight smiles to himself. Clever bastard. OH, I swore! Never mind that. He has a point, that crook. People love money.

Beside me, Bluestar grows wide-eyed. He mouths, "Two hundred million gold pieces a week! She'd be crazy not to take that offer but crazier to take it."

However, Fireheart merely snorts at the lure of so much money. "Oh, yes. I can't live without a party hat! In any case, no one has that much money…even a certain man with enslaved noobs to make rune items for him."

Suddenly, Lord Luxon slinks closer to her, so they're almost sharing a gilded chair. Arg! Move! Move, Fireheart! Of course, she can't hear the pleading inside my head. "Money aside, imagine what else you could have! Besides, it's only a matter of time before Runescape is ruled by Zamorak and Zamorak alone…and me of course as his Chosen One."

"Chosen One?" Fireheart murmurs questioningly. She looks like a lost, little girl. Uncertain of all her choices. Uncertain of the future.

"The god has chosen me to rule for him. I am only acting for Zamorak. You know Saradomin's era will end. Zamorak's turn to reign over Runescape has come!" His face has moved alarmingly close to Fireheart's. Even so, she hasn't budged.

Almost lovingly, Luxon's fingers float up to hold Fireheart's chin. I shudder, remembering his cold embrace. NO! I want to burst in and interrupt, but now Bluestar has a zealous grip on my arm. I can't move and stop Fireheart from betraying us!

"You are a pretty one." He moves to kiss her. I close my eyes. I can't be witness to it! Can't! Won't! Shan't! Bluestar shakes my arm a millisecond after we hear a "plat." A chuckle escapes Bluestar's mouth.

I peek back into the room to see Fireheart standing with her eyes full of rage and Lord Luxon (a meter away) with his cheek as pink as a rose. He has a hand to the flushed cheek and his eyes trained incredulously on Fireheart. What in Saradomin's name happened?

In a low whisper, Bluestar clears things up. "She slapped him. So much for romance."

I can't believe he finds this amusing! Finally, I let a chuckle escape from me. Okay, so the thought of Fireheart slapping Lord Luxon is rather amusing!

"Get out! Forget negotiation. I'm declaring war," she says. Her arms are crossed, and her expression is full of that steel that tells people not to mess with her. "And I'm not going to let you win."

Despite being pwned (where did that word come from? Sounds familiar), Lord Luxon snarls, "Stubborn vixen, aren't you? I do want to see this war of yours!"

"Monster, aren't you? Don't worry. I'll give you a war to remember," she retorts. Then Fireheart turns her face away as if deciding not to say a further word to the indignant high level. It's so odd to see Lord Luxon affronted. In any case, he sweeps around flamboyantly so his blood-red cape brushes Fireheart and then departs the chamber through another set of doors. Phew. Glad he didn't come this way!

Full of idiotic relief, I burst through the doors, leaving behind an alarmed Bluestar. Fireheart doesn't even jump. Her glower softens into a smile at the sight of me. "Freak, how are you?" She then frowns. "How much of that did you hear?"

"Um…all of it," I admit. "Oh, and I'm good." My heart constricts when I realize there are scary tears in Fireheart's eyes.

"I nearly succumbed. I would have betrayed you. All of Runescape!" she sobs. The warmth of her is suddenly against me as she cries on my shoulder. Oh…what to do? Pathetically, I pat her back as if soothing a sick child.

"Hey, you didn't succumb. That's what counts," I murmur. What paltry comfort!

She lifts her head to gaze at me with fierce, amber eyes. "I'm still not sure I didn't make the wrong decision. Gypsy Aris, the one who has a tent near Varrock Square, told me that love will decide the winner. What if she meant I'm to be with Luxon? Then again, he doesn't have a bit of love in him."

"Joining Luxon doesn't solve anything. Besides, you can't leave your family to face Luxon alone." Family. I wish I had one. No joke.

"Family?" Fireheart moves away from me as she notices Bluestar. "Who are you?"

"Bluestar." Um…if I'm not mistaken, the level eighty-four looks rather love-struck. Strange when his father had actually been hitting on the lady of his affection a few minutes ago; the irony makes me shiver.

"One of Freak's recruits, I assume. Pleasure to meet you." She holds out a hand that Bluestar takes very quickly indeed. He brings it to his lips and kisses it sensuously before releasing her hand. Um…

Perhaps sensing my awkwardness, Fireheart smiles at me. "You meant Dawn and Redseed when you said 'family.' The two aren't blood relatives of mine, but we did swear a blood oath to protect each other and to…" She trails off sheepishly.

"To love each other," I finish. Aw, corniness.

"Redseed and Dawn though are actually cousins," Fireheart continues.

Huh. I still can't believe that someone as reasonable and dignified as Redseed is related to the Pokey Lady. Moving away from the subject of family, I realize that Fireheart is throwing questioning looks in Bluestar's direction.

"He's level eighty-four," I tell her. Fireheart's face bursts into a smile, which is directed at poor Bluestar.

"I'm glad you've decided to help us." Her words make Bluestar's face turn a violent shade of scarlet. Boy, that boy is infatuated. "I've managed to find fourteen other higher levels, but none of them have the experience you have."

"Uh…thank you," he stutters. He sits without ever removing his intense, blue eyes from her face when Fireheart gestures for us to sit.

She sits in a chair across from us. "So, Freak, what's wrong in Lumbridge?"

I tell her, and Fireheart takes the news with aplomb. "It could be worse. Draynor might have fallen with Lumbridge."

Bluestar's accusing gaze takes me by surprise. "You never told me that Father Aereck is a prisoner in his own church!"

Um…

"Go save him. Both of you. I'll take over the training of your unit, Freak." She looks so sure of herself.

"What about your recruits?"

"They know how to train. They'll manage without me." She pulls her fingers through her hair in a manner that drives Bluestar nuts; he's twitching. "Well, don't stare at me! Save him. Maybe I'm being harsh. You both must want some rest and a meal…"

I jump to my feet. "No. We'll go now."

"Agreed." Bluestar leaps to his feet too, carefully avoiding Fireheart's gaze.

I swear she gave him a heart attack the moment she touched his shoulder. "Protect Freak for me. I'll go to find your recruits after I speak to King Roald."

"I'll flay any villain who tries to lay a finger on him," Bluestar assures her with a becoming blush.

"Anyway, my recruits are in the training area with the dummies," I add dryly. I do not need protection! Then again, that monk of Zamorak could prove to be a pest, one that I'm not ready to handle yet. After nodding respectfully to Fireheart, the level eighty-four drags me away and out of the dining hall.

"You might want to start breathing," I tease him.

"I'm breathing!" he snaps. Apologetically, he adds, "I've never felt this way before."

That must be the oldest line in the book. Which book, I'm not sure.

"She's magnificent," whispers Bluestar.

Uh…Fireheart has many noble characteristics (and she doesn't look half bad either), but I don't think anyone (who's not infatuated) would ever describe her as "magnificent." I presume he's got it **real **bad.

"You have a crush on her," I giggle. Yup, I'm being very mature.

"A little one."

"A humongous one!" One that doesn't fade away with time…

"She didn't seem very impressed by me."

Meaning she didn't become a giggling mess like that warrior woman from before. Sympathetically, I pat his shoulder. "You're a charismatic guy. She might fall for you if you tell her how you feel first."

Bluestar glares at me. "I don't think so." Ah, when he glares, he looks just like his father. How disconcerting.

"Then she'll never look your way properly," I reply.

"Shut it, Freak."

"I didn't know you could be such a meanie!"

"Meanie!" he howls. "You haven't seen how mean I can be."

"I never will," I retort. "You're supposed to protect me."

After bantering all the way back to the others, we explain that Fireheart will be here in a couple of minutes.

"Oo, so you both are going on a quest!" Aurora says with an adoring look for Bluestar. He must be used to women drooling over him.

"Yes, Aurora, a quest." Most dramatically, we leave the training area and pass Fireheart, who gives us an anxious smile. I smile back reassuringly. Bluestar blushes. I push the high level along.

He suddenly stops. "We can use the Lumbridge Teleport."

"Oh." We pull out the white sticks, exchange glances and break the teleport sticks. Purple lights! They're kinda pretty…Once we're in Lumbridge, after landing with an unpleasant lurch, I re-focus. Father Aereck, here we come!


	16. Saving Father Aereck

**I apologize for not updating as frequently as before. My thesis paper killed me…thus, I am back in ghost form to finish posting this story. Anyway, enjoy!**

Lumbridge doesn't look like Lumbridge any more. Every tree is withered and dead. The grass is yellow and parched. The river that runs through Lumbridge has turned a nasty shade of green. It looks more and more like the wilderness as we slowly walk toward the Lumbridge Castle walls.

"Lumbridge has been abandoned. Duke Horacio and Hans…everyone is gone," murmurs Bluestar reflectively. "Maybe Father Aereck has been moved somewhere else too."

Moved…what if the inhabitants of Lumbridge castle haven't been moved? What if they had been killed? I shake the thought from my head. "There's no harm in checking."

"Actually, there is. If we die, we'll end up in the wilderness."

A fine time to point it out. When I'm already scared out of my wits. As we approach the church, my ears pick up a plaintive female voice.

"You have to let him go," the voice murmurs.

"Bah, I can do whatever I want," replies a harsher voice. The monk of Zamorak's. The monk then exclaims, "Hey, don't you point that staff at me!"

Raising an eyebrow, Bluestar shoots a look at me and then rushes into the church. Like an idiot, I run after him to find the angry monk of Zamorak face to face with a young woman with honey-colored hair and warm, green eyes. Dressed in blue wizard robes, she looks quite harmless. She's holding a staff with an amber stone at the very tippy-top though. Her sudden smile at our appearance makes me blush.

"Please, you must convince Igor to free Aereck," she says in her mellifluous voice. Wait a second…

"Igor?" Bluestar and I both question.

With a sigh, she gestures to the monk. "He's Igor. I'm Catgirl297." Her jade eyes flicker with curiosity. "Who are you two?"

"Bluestar," my buddy answers.

I give a lame wave and mutter, "I'm Freak449."

"Freak's a strange name," muses Catgirl. Her expression grows apologetic. "Oh, not that it's a bad name. That's not what I--"

"It's okay," I assure her. One of her hands darts to clasp the emerald of her necklace. She looks reassured.

The monk suddenly moves forward. Bluestar steps between him and Catgirl, who looks towards the two with bemusement. In a deadly whisper, the monk of Zamorak says, "The three of you better get out of here."

"You will free Father Aereck first," replies Bluestar.

"I will kill all of you first," retorts Igor. The monk of Zamorak. I can't believe his name is Igor. So random.

"Why can't we be reasonable?" grumbles Catgirl. I agree with her. Better to take the old bloke peacefully.

Frowning, I pose a question to Igor, "Why do you need to keep Father Aereck chained anyway? He's just an old man."

Though the monk opens his mouth to reply, no answer comes. Igor thinks for a moment. Bluestar sighs. I let my gaze wander the darkened church and wonder how Catgirl ever mustered the courage to come in here alone. I have Bluestar to keep me safe and sound… The monk is still thinking.

Finally, I put in, "There's no reason for keeping him, is there?"

"Not really," agrees Igor, "but that doesn't mean I'll let you have him."

"He's not a possession," Catgirl points out. Adjusting her cerulean robes, she nods towards the ceiling. "I'm going to go see how Father Aereck is doing if you don't mind."

We all shrug and watch her go. My eyes lock briefly onto her staff until it's gone upstairs with its owner. What good does hitting people with sticks do? Unless…it's for what Redseed and Fireheart told me was magic. Yes, they had said something about staffs.

I hear a sudden thump that jolts me from my thoughts. What…? The monk is punching (futilely) at Bluestar who's dodging all the blows with ease. The high level raises a leg perhaps to kick the daylights out of the monk but instead he brings it down on the floorboard. One side of the board (where the monk happens to be standing) flies upward, throwing Igor unceremoniously into the altar. Zamorak's wine in its happy, untouchable jug soaks the startled monk.

"Why didn't you finish him off?" I can't feel any pity for Igor. Bluestar had only delayed the inevitable.

"Finish him off?" repeats Bluestar with an almost guilty look at me. "The monk's helpless." Then, a fiery blast knocks my protector off his feet and face first onto the ground. AAAH! One of Igor's hands is swathed in a magical flame. In the other hand he has small gray stones with various colorful symbols.

Oh no. Bluestar's out like cold turkey. The monk of Zamorak's crimson eyes snap to me. He raises one hand: the one with the fireball. Teeth gritted, the monk moves his hand back as if preparing to throw a baseball. To run or not to run. That is the question.

"You guys, I figured out a way to get Father Aereck--What's going on here?" After a graceful descent from the ladder that led to the upper levels of the church, Catgirl surveys Igor with dismay. Behind her stands Father Aereck, pale and haggard, but alive.

"Freak, why must you persist in this foolish mission?" rasps the old priest.

Well, I never! I come here to save him, and he calls my mission foolish! "I guess I'm foolish," I reply wryly.

"You must all die! Starting with Freak!" The monk of Zamorak draws attention to himself again.

What? How does he know my name? "How do **you** know my name?"

Igor sighs. "Father Aereck just said it, noob."

Noob again. What was so bad about noobs anyway? I flinch when Igor raises his hand again to hurl the fiery ball of doom at me. Glancing towards the ground, I see that Bluestar is still unconscious. He better not be…No, he can't be dead! Strangely, the thought of Bluestar's death puts more despair in me than the thought of my own death by fireball. I make a dash towards Bluestar…

A green blaze, which I catch out of the corner of my eye, collides with the monk's fireball. Both fizzle away, so I reach Bluestar without my head on fire. The source of the green blaze, I realize, is Catgirl, who's now brandishing her staff, an Earth staff, like a warrior wields a sword.

"Thank you," I say and shake my buddy mercilessly. After the third shake, Bluestar groans and blinks up at me. Feeling sentimental, I hug him even though he hasn't had the chance to sit up properly.

"Hey, Freak. Nice to see you too. Now please stop hugging me."

Meekly, I obey and release him. He looks relatively okay though his clothes have been charred. Those honest, blue eyes watch me with amusement, which quickly turns to concern as the monk of Zamorak prepares to throw more fireballs at another target: Catgirl.

"Interfering little girls ought to be taught a lesson!" snarls Igor.

"Little girl indeed." Catgirl smiles and with an expert flick of a hand, deflects the monk's spell. I'd never seen magic with my owns eyes. It's like fireworks. Pretty colors…A nudge from Bluestar snaps me from the distracting colors.

"We should get Father Aereck out of here," he whispers. The magic battle is furious now with spells flying here and there; purple and red and green and blue streaks of power make the entire church tremble. Catgirl is holding her own. In fact, the monk seems to be blocking her attacks rather than launching spells of his own.

"Will he come with us?" I question. To my eyes, the old man looks too frail to move a centimeter. Plus, he has that stubborn and fierce look on his face that makes me wonder if Father Aereck wants to leave the scary church at all.

"Drag him then," says Bluestar with such savageness that I stare at him. "There's no time to be nice."

"Shame. I like nice." The fierce set of my companion's face reminds me of his father's. I nod. Making sure Igor is still preoccupied, I sneak over to the priest and offer my arm. Father Aereck stares at it.

"Let's get you out of here," I say cheerfully. Meanwhile, Bluestar is steadily making his way behind the monk of Zamorak; for what reason, I'm not quite sure.

"No."

"Please," I beg. Ironic how I'm begging him to leave when he should be begging for us to save him…

"All is lost."

"We won't go places with that attitude," I mutter. "There's a concept called optimism, Father. Ever heard of it?"

"No."

Okay. That's it! No more Mr. Nice Freak. I snatch the priest by the arm. Father Aereck's outraged cry diverts Igor's attention. Before the monk can send a spell my way, he's knocked out by Catgirl's spell: a particularly dazzling green bolt that got him on the head.

While the monk crumples, Bluestar disappointedly puts down the empty jug that once held the wine of Zamorak. "Darn. I wanted to crack him one over the head."

Catgirl giggles at this and then smiles at Father Aereck and me. "Come on, Father. Let's leave this place. It's better outside…though…"

"Not by much," I finish.

The four of us leave the church without a further word. Catgirl's smile turns anxious. " I don't even recognize Lumbridge anymore."

"Lord Luxon--" I stumble over the name "--has taken over."

"Who?"

"Lord Luxon," repeats Bluestar. "Zamorak's Chosen One."

"We're fighting him." How useless that information seems. Father Aereck doesn't even stir at my words. No protest. No glee. Nothing. I guess days of being tied to a bell isn't healthy for you.

"This Lord Luxon's not immune to magic, is he?" Catgirl twirls her staff like a baton. A second later, the staff clatters to the ground. "Oh…oops."

"No, he's not." Bluestar picks up the staff, hands it to her and looks at me. I look at him. Magic…

"The fight would probably cost me lots of runes," continues Catgirl. "Besides, mages are virtually helpless in hand to hand combat. I'd be no help."

Father Aereck mutters something. Then Bluestar laughs. "Quite right. The combat triangle."

Huh? I guess my blank look did the talking for me.

"Melee fighters are excellent at hand-to-hand combat. They'll usually beat up any mage…unless the mage is far away from its target. Then magic is deadly to melee. Rangers have several advantages over mages. Melee prevails against range. It's a triangle."

I try to picture it inside my head. Yep. A triangle.

"We will certainly need your help, Catgirl," pronounces Bluestar.

"I'll get my friends to help," Catgirl says eagerly. "Many of them are mages too. If Lord Luxon is responsible for this--" she gestures around the darkened landscape "--he should pay for it."

"He will," replies Bluestar. "He will."

A shudder runs up my spine for no reason. More cheerily, I say, "I'll add you to my Friends list. We'll contact you when we need you."

Emerald eyes consider me kindly. "I'm not sure what I'm getting into, but there's no doubt that I'll be fighting for a good cause. So, Father Aereck, please don't lose hope. Bluestar, Freak…for all of our sakes, never lose hope."

Clearing the lump in my throat, I nod. Hope. So potent for such a small word.


	17. Dawn's Army

"Dawn's coming."

"But it's broad daylight. How can dawn be--"

"Dawn719," clarifies Fireheart. In Varrock Castle's dining hall, she and I are watching Father Aereck snooze; he's sitting upright in a chair with a hand under his chin and his elbow on an arm of the chair. Poor guy. He looks exhausted even when he's asleep.

"With her recruits?" I ask. We had been debating whether to wake Father Aereck or not to find him a proper bed.

"Her army rather." Fireheart is distracted by Bluestar's entrance. Like the lovesick boy he converts into regularly at the sight of her, Bluestar turns red before stuttering "hello."

"Uh…I just wanted to talk to Freak for a moment or two," he adds.

"Take him for the rest of the afternoon if you want. It only takes one person to keep an eye on a sleeping priest after all."

Bluestar drags me out of the room and murmurs, "Hamlet's been asking for you."

"You yanked me from the room to tell me that?"

"I don't want to be left alone with her. My mouth doesn't function around her," Bluestar mumbles miserably. "Besides, I turn pink every time she looks at me. What must she think? I know! She thinks I'm an idiot!"

"She never said you're an idiot," I point out. "Of course, she doesn't talk about you at all."

My buddy gives an agonized groan, and I realize my words had been tactless. After patting his shoulder in a vague attempt to comfort him, I slip from the corridor to outside Varrock Castle where Hamlet is twirling an adamant two-hand sword. At my entrance, he drops the weapon…nearly on my foot.

"Sorry," he chuckles and picks up the sword to sling it over his left shoulder. "Gorgonwrath has been asking after you. He wants a word with you." Hamlet gestures with his index finger to down the hallway and takes his leave, humming as he goes.

For once, Gorgonwrath seems almost afraid. He hesitates and then when he tries to speak, his words are lost on their way to his mouth. "Sir, we were all training in the dummy area when…a man strolled in."

I blink. "A man just strolled in…"

"He dragged away four members of our unit and said he'll be back for more of us," relates Gorgonwrath.

Dread fills my belly again, making it incredibly hard to think. "Did he give you his name?"

"Wolfbane23, and he wanted me to give you a message."

Message, huh! It would be just like him to rub in my face that he's kidnapped my recruits! "Well, you've done your job. We'll--"

"No, I haven't given you his message yet," interrupts Gorgonwrath. "He says he'll meet you at the shrine of Zamorak in Lumbridge two nights from now. Then he'll give up the people he took."

ARG! WOLFBANE! Truly, I'm not angry at that accursed, fancy-haired Wolfbane, but at myself. I'm trembling like the coward I am! To go back to the terrible Lumbridge would take courage that I don't have. I don't want to die! I don't want to end up caged like those other noobs and work away for Lord Luxon's benefit! Composing myself, I ask, "Am I allowed to bring anyone with me?"

"No." Gorgonwrath grimaces. "If you do, he'll kill every single one of them. He's got Aurora. You can't let her end up in the wild. The mining work…"

…is far from suitable work for a graceful girl like Aurora. Maybe Dawn might have been able to stand the work and (meanwhile) scare the life from her oppressors, but Aurora isn't that type of girl. She would be helpless and abused.

"Who else did Wolfbane snatch?"

"Gnokhead, Goldeneye and Saint Loren."

My heart's decided then. Well, it had decided for me ages ago… I'll go and meet Wolfbane alone. No matter that he might kill me. Might kill me? More like, he **will** kill me. "Thank you for not panicking, Gorgonwrath. Don't tell anyone, and those who already know…make sure they don't say a word about it either."

"So you're going alone?" he demands incredulously.

I turn glumly to him. "What choice do I have? Well, don't pity me. After all, maybe Wolfbane just wants to talk and settle our differences." Certainly, kidnapping a person's recruits is a sign of friendship. "You should worry about training."

He nods, not showing me that usual defiance of his that both worries me and makes me proud. "If you die…who would you want to replace you?"

The obvious answer lingers in the air: Bluestar. "I won't die," I assure him. "Now go." He follows my gentle command with a docility that makes me want to bawl my eyes out. After I meet up with Dawn, I'll go and train. Then, two days from now, I'll head over to Lumbridge and meet Wolfbane and free his captives and settle the matter and maybe even die…But first, I have to find the Pokey Lady.

I reach the center of Varrock where my steps falter. The four-way bridge over the streaming fountain water is as serene as ever. The happy people bustling about Varrock are oblivious to the danger encircling them. Why couldn't I have been less nosy? Why had I pitched in, all noble-like, to fight this monstrous level one-hundred and thirty-eight? Why had I fallen in love with the unreachable Lady Lore? Why am I such an idiot?

A moan distracts me from my despair. "What is to become of me and my darling Juliet?" A regular fop sporting a salmon shirt, magenta pants, a yellow cape and a ruff around his neck is peering at me and giving me puppy-dog eyes. His face, surrounded by fancy, auburn hair, is rather mopey-looking. "I cannot find her anywhere; have you seen her?"

I assume he's asking me about the Juliet he had been raving about a moment earlier. "No sorry, I haven't seen her."

"Oh…well, that's a shame…I was rather hoping you had." The dude brushes a hand through his hair.

"Why? Is she a fugitive?" I inquire. "Does she owe you some money or something?"

The ridiculous-looking young man thinks for a moment. "Hmm, she might? Perhaps she does? How do you know?"

Baffled, I reply, "I don't know? I was asking you how you know Juliet!" The guy finally seems to remember…

"Ahh, yes Juliet, she's my one true love. Well, one of my one true loves! If you see her, could you tell her that she is the love of my long and that I life to be with her?"

I could have, but then she'd probably throw something at me. "What? Surely you mean that 'she is the love of your life and that you long to be with her'?"

"Oh yeah…what you said…tell her that; it sounds much better! Oh, you're so good at this!"

Um…good at what? In any case, I agree to deliver his improved message to his darling Juliet. Then the young man continues, "Oh great! And tell her that I want to kiss her a give."

"You mean you want to give her a kiss!"

"Oh, you're good…you are good! I see I've picked a true professional!" Delighted, he plucks a flower from the bouquet he has in his hands and hands it to me. I accept the gift albeit with some concern about this man's mental health.

Apparently, it takes brains to deliver a message as demonstrated by Mr. I'm-standing-around-Varrock-Square-moping-and-moaning. Shaking off my uncharitable thoughts, I ask him earnestly, "Where can I find Juliet?"

"Why do you ask?" He looks perplexed; the expression suits him.

Sighing, I snap, "So that I can deliver your message!"

"Ah yes…quite right. Hmm, let me think now, she may still be locked away at her Father's house on the sest vide of Warrock?"

I do wonder if the man has a strange form of dyslexia. He must mean the west side of Varrock. Then the guy continues, "Oh, I remember how she loved it when I would sing up to her balcony! She would reward me with her own personal items…"

Irritated now, I mutter, "What, she just gave you her stuff?"

"Well, not exactly give…more like 'throw with considerable force'…she's always a kidder that Juliet!"

Throw with considerable force, huh? I wonder why…Waving good-bye to the young man, I scurry away in the direction that may or may not be west. Then I realize I'm completely lost. Too many people are going this way and that way.

I finally settle for asking a dude standing around near a big building that I presume is a bank (what with all its fancy booths and people in gray uniform). "Uh, do you know where Juliet's house is?"

The dude points to his right, and after thanking him, I wander off in the correct direction. Then I stop. Not that I have much choice. An army, maybe ten by twenty Runescapians (for a total of two hundred), is flooding through the space between Varrock's gray walls. I flee to hide beside the bank and watch them mindlessly march onward.

I'm not the only spectator. Others have stopped whatever they were doing to gawk at the armor-less but numerous army now making its way past the bank. At its heels is a familiar figure with her trademark axe swinging merrily. Dawn. Ah, this gigantic procession must be Dawn's Army!

"Dawn!" I call her name. She actually turns to acknowledge me with a smile and then whispers something to one of her soldiers in the last row. The soldier nods and hollers, "To Varrock Castle!" Dawn watches them go and lopes over to shut my mouth, which has been hanging open for the past minute.

"That's a lot of people," I say.

"Many of them are twenty-five plus now," she replies. "But it won't be enough." For some reason, her sadness makes me want to offer some sort of comfort.

"Why not?"

She gives me her usual sneer. Ugh. Just when I think I can get along with this girl, I find another reason why I can't! "You're so silly. Do you honestly think Luxon plans to fight us with a gang of sixties?"

"Sure."

"If this is real war, then there will be opponents far more dangerous than level sixties," Dawn insists. Personally, I think she's being a bit melodramatic. "My army will be useless. Your little ragtag pack will be useless."

"Let me guess," I say with a touch of bitterness, "I'll be useless?"

Suddenly, she looks taken aback. "I didn't mean it like that, Freak. I'm afraid for us, and Fireheart is so determined to win that I feel like she's missing something. Maybe this isn't that easy."

"And if it is?" I notice that her army has disappeared from sight.

Irritated now, she raises her axe. "It can't be!" I inch away from her (and her sharp axe) discreetly. "I don't have time to argue with you."

"No time to argue with useless noobs."

Before leaving me utterly demoralized, she smiles over her shoulder and says, "You're not completely useless…for a noob. You're a commander. As such, you have my respect…no matter how little. Well, I'm going to report to Fireheart."

She flounces off towards Varrock Castle while I ponder the contradictory-ness of her words. I'm a noob…yet I'm not useless. I have her respect…but only a little. Huh? Does she like me or not? Not that it matters!

I could ask Wolfbane and find out if there's any reason for Dawn's misgivings. More likely than not, he'll kill me before giving me a clue. And now, fear has me in its grip again. My legs are shaking…and I can't help wondering if running off to meet Wolfbane isn't the smartest idea in the world.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for being slow with the updates. I'm suffering from writer's block at the moment; plus, I have no time to write. Good news: I'm pretty sure I'll put up another chapter within a week. **

**Random but Important Disclaimer: I can't take credit for the dialogue between Romeo and Freak. Most of it is Jagex's great dialogue from the quest Romeo and Juliet (with a little editing by me)**

**Keep reading and reviewing! :D**

* * *


	18. Mages and Rangers

Two days later…I'm going to explode…Secrets will do that to you. If I tell Fireheart about Wolfbane, she'll insist on coming along, and he'll punish my poor recruits. Still battling myself on that gloomy afternoon, I clink sadly after Fireheart as she rushes into the king's dining hall where Dawn's army and our fifty (should be fifty-four) recruits are suiting up for war.

As for me, I'm clunking around in iron armor. A pacifist shouldn't have to wear armor because he shouldn't be fighting at all! After finishing a conversation with Hamlet, who looks resplendent in his adamant armor, Fireheart turns to me. "You look miserable."

Before I can come up with an excuse, King Roald enters the room, squeezing through a huddle of noobs in iron. "Fireheart, there are mages stationed outside the castle. Shall I have my guards take care of them?"

Bluestar, who has been watching Fireheart intently for the past few minutes, suddenly speaks. "It must be Catgirl and the Mage Division she promised us."

With his face taut with worry, King Roald muttered, "Are you sure? Forty mages stand outside, and there are rangers too."

At the word "rangers," Fireheart's face darkens. "Are these rangers led by a red-headed woman?"

King Roald nods. To add to the chaos, Redseed bursts in, tripping over a person armored in steel who happened to be adjusting his boot at the moment. He rights himself and announces, "Lady Lore is here!"

After all this time, I'm not sure whether or not I want to see her. She's here! I'd missed her…and yet I feel nothing right now. Perhaps her abandonment of me had killed my love for her. "Is she coming?" I ask.

"She's on her way," Redseed agrees. "Freak, you've gone pale."

I shrug. Then Fireheart mutters, "Can we trust her, Redseed? She doesn't usually takes sides…and she's well acquainted with Lord Luxon."

My world falls apart. Well-acquainted with the monstrous Lord Luxon! Every occupant of the room has fallen silent as Fireheart continues. "I won't believe that she'll fight her own best friend."

"Best friend?!"

Fireheart angles her head at me. "Yes, best friend. Lord Luxon was once like us. He wasn't always the monster he seems to be now. He somehow leveled up so quickly that his entire personality changed."

"And along with his personality, he changed his name," Redseed added. "From Luxon34 to Lord Luxon. Luxon34 had the widest circle of friends, but his closest friend is--was Lady Lore."

The aforementioned Lady enters then. She's heard her name and is looking in a charmingly puzzled fashion at Redseed, who has the grace to blush for gossiping. Her curly, golden-red hair, which falls to her waist, shimmers as she strides into the middle of the room. Her green eyes are as hard as diamonds. Lady Lore. She looks more splendid than ever in form-fitting green dragon-hide. That perfect peach tone of her skin makes my body go up in flames. My face is red, I'm pretty sure, so I sneak over to Bluestar and hide behind him.

"Freak, are you okay?" he asks over his shoulder.

No. I'm not okay. "Tell me when she leaves." She was Lord Luxon's friend. Not mine. Bitter now, I take out my friends list. There's a "delete" option. A tiny brown button that has the letters D-E-L-E-T-E. This lust for Lady Lore isn't healthy. I know that. But I'm too much of a wimp to delete her from my list. But I have to for the sake of my sanity!

"Hey." Her soft voice. "How'd you manage with the chickens, Freak? I'm sorry I left you for so long. But it looks like you've found powerful new friends." Looking up, I meet her green eyes. Bluestar has apparently made no effort to hide me…

"I guess," I reply lamely. "So…why are you here?" It was then that I realize that the entire room is listening in. Even Bluestar is so engrossed in the conversation between Lady Lore and me that he doesn't notice that Fireheart's shoulder is brushing his. He would have freaked out for sure…

She takes my hand in her soft one and smiles. "I'm here to help you. Luxon's gone too far. Wolfbane's without reason. Good, old Voldmort has stopped thinking and is only good at following orders now. Believe me." Lady Lore turns her gaze on the rest of the room. "Believe me, all of you, when I say that they were nice people. They were the bravest Runescapians and the strongest…but I don't know what happened."

The entire room is silent until Dawn speaks up. At the sight of her honest features, I move away from Lady Lore…guilty for some reason. "I believe you."

A dissenting growl comes from Fireheart. "We have no reason to believe you."

"We can't start bickering amongst ourselves," points out a demure Catgirl, who had apparently sneaked into the room. Then I notice that the room is fuller because forty mages in blue robes have entered. Ahhh…no room…

"I feel claustrophobic," I declare shakily. Dawn takes the initiative and orders her army from the room; they leave with a great clanking. The mages follow them with a great swishing. Very musical departures.

Our recruits stare pleadingly at me. They want to stay and listen. Fireheart shakes her head at them. "Leave us." Before they leave with the others, Cheesecracker and Hamlet throw me hey-why-don't-you-let-us-stay looks. I shrug and let them walk out of the room. I'd rather not have an audience especially when dealing with Lady Lore, who makes me feel like a fool the moment I step in front of her magnificence.

"My rangers are here to help you," Lady Lore insists. "You trust the mages. Why not me?"

Fireheart, glancing at Dawn and Redseed in quick succession, mutters, "You've given us no reason to trust you."

Much to my surprise, it is Bluestar who challenges her. "She's come all this way with her rangers. Give her a chance." He only blushes slightly as Fireheart turns her amber gaze towards him.

Lady Lore smiles at him, and an awful feeling of jealously grips me. Ugh, love has made me a monster: to be jealous of good ole Bluestar! I retreat towards Dawn, who is standing apart from the little circle. Her arms are crossed. Reassuringly, her woodcutting axe is missing.

"Hi."

"Hi, Freak."

"What are you doing?"

"I don't know any more."

"We've got this, don't we? We have Saradomin on our side."

She smiles at me then. I feel a tingle of warmth in my cheeks. She really does have a pretty smile. "You're right. I shouldn't worry."

I ponder the depth of her lovely brown eyes. They're lovelier than Fireheart's: like gleaming bronze. With a nervous chuckle, I look away. This is no time to be admiring the features of the Pokey Lady. "Well, I'm worried. I'm going to die."

"Many of us will," Dawn answers matter-of-factly.

"No," I mutter. "I'm going to die tonight."

She takes me by the shoulders. "What do you mean? Suicide is not the answer for anything, Freak. Suicide doesn't work…"

"Oh, no," I laugh mirthlessly. "I'm not going to kill myself. Wolfbane will."

"Tell me everything!"

I explain to her how Wolfbane has taken four of my dear recruits as hostages. At the end of my woeful tale, Dawn gives me a wicked grin. "We'll shadow you when you go to meet him. Then we can take care of Wolfbane."

"Instead of killing him, maybe you should give him my message first," Lady Lore interrupts the conversation. Apparently, she's been eavesdropping. My anger sputters and dies because she has her kindly green eyes trained on me. "When you find him, tell Wolfbane to come back and join us. For me. I love him. I miss him…As for the hostages, I'm sure he'll let them go."

Well, why doesn't she rip out my heart and throw it away? Lady Lore's loved Wolfbane all this time even though he's a complete jerk. Of course, she's never shown any romantic interest in me. Only I've been pining for her! Fury makes me puff out my chest and declare, "I'll tell him you want him back. That should persuade him to fight for us and not against us!"

I rush from the room, ignoring the shocked looks from Dawn and Lady Lore. For the sake of Lady Lore! Yes, that would convince Wolfbane to come to our side! Bitterly, I pause outside the walls of Varrock castle.

Maybe it's better this way. Tell that to my stupid, aching heart. I'm not particularly impressive, level-wise, but doesn't my personality make up for it? Well, now that I think about it, no, my personality is as crappy as my level. Oh well. I would face Wolfbane, give him Lady Lore's message, and come what may, I will fight to my last breath.

It's easy enough to sound brave, but as soon as I leave Varrock for Lumbridge (fleeing from the dark wizards and their stench), I feel my knees begin to tremble. But then I push on, remembering: even if I'm a coward, I'm not a quitter.


	19. For the Sake of Lady Lore

When I walk past the cow pen I had died in so long, I realize no one is in there. The cows, unmolested and free to eat grass, moo at me as I pass. Then, as I get closer to Lumbridge, I see two players hacking at each other.

"I hate you!" This player is a familiar redhead.

"ARRRGG!" The other is flailing at the other with his dragon scimitar.

I blink. Monty and Kenshin are battling one another…

"You guys," I call, "what happened to your business?"

Monty pauses, so that his battle-axe is hovering over Kenshin's vulnerable head. "Hey, noob, my business is none of your business." An ugly snarl has taken over his face.

Sensing opportunity, Kenshin lashes out with his scimitar to cut Monty's throat. The redhead gasps, his bulging eyes watching me. A shudder runs up my spine at the sight, and I look away from cold murder. I hear Monty fall to leave dust and bones on the gray earth. The killer, Kenshin, turns to stare at me. "Run, noob."

"You two were the best of friends when I last saw you," I remind him. Has the darkness of Zamorak taken over them too? If not…but then why? WHY would Kenshin kill him?

"We realized we were too different to be business partners," Kenshin murmurs bitterly. He's hunched over as if his hatred is weighing him down. "I'd had enough with his jokes about my mother."

I almost say that the jokes were well-meant but jokes about one's mother never are. "He was your friend. How could you turn on him?" I sprint away as Kenshin lunges for me.

"It's easy!" he hollers after me. "If you have enough hate!"

Hate…I want to go back and tell him there's no need for hate, but I have Wolfbane to meet. Crossing the bridge, I see other players locked in combat. I see a noob fleeing the sword of a higher level. Two higher levels duking it out where normally people would chop willows. My heart aches for every step I take deeper into Lumbridge. No one minds me because they're too concerned with slaughtering their currents targets. Inside the shrine of Zamorak, formerly the church of Saradomin I remind myself, there are six people.

The monk of Zamorak glances at me before returning to his chanting. Wolfbane, who's been sitting on the pile of wood that was the church organ, stands up.

"Freak!" Aurora exclaims. She doesn't look hurt, but her relief makes me feel ashamed that I had ever considered turning back. Gnokhead, Goldeneye and Saint Loren nod at me uneasily. They all have one eye on Wolfbane.

He waves a hand at the four captives. "Go. Good luck getting back." Wolfbane smirks. "I have the captive I want."

"We won't leave without you, sir," Saint Loren says to me. He flinches as Wolfbane raises his rune scimitar.

I quickly interfere. "No. You four go back. I'll be fine." I take no notice (well, very little notice) of the monk of Zamorak's snort of derision.

Given this order, my recruits trail out of the shrine; Aurora is last, and she gives me a questioning, almost pleading look as she disappears. I hope they'll be okay. I hope they don't run into Kenshin…

"Why did you want me here?"

Wolfbane laughs and raises his scimitar. "To kill you, of course. I hadn't imagined it would take so long."

He disappoints me. He took hostages, left a threatening message and drove me here to Lumbridge just to kill me? "Then kill me. You'll accomplish nothing."

Shaking his blond head at me, Wolfbane says, "No, I'll have the satisfaction of your death. You and your rebel crew will be a pain in the rear for Lord Luxon. Well, no matter how large your army might be, our lord has an army composed of eighty-plus Runescapians along with my crew. You're all condemned to die in a war you can't win!"

"Great," I say. The news doesn't scare me as much as it should. Dawn's fears weren't groundless. If not for her suspicion, I would have died from shock. "But I have a message for you from Lady Lore." Her name is not as sour in my mouth as I thought it might have been.

The raised scimitar falls. Wolfbane looks genuinely interested. "What did she say?"

"She wants you to fight with us. She misses you. She…" I choke. "She loves you."

"Crap." The level sixty sinks down to sit on the pile of wood. "She…joined your pathetic army?"

I nod and then…I'm a witness to the inner struggle of the century. Wolfbane grits his teeth and starts to pace. "You're lying to me!" he hisses. I shake my head. No. I'm not.

"Lore…ugh, you're making me pick sides!" Wolfbane appears to be talking the ceiling. I look up but can't find Lady Lore's face there. "You and your dumb rangers should have stayed out of this…"

"Dumb is a mean word," I can't help saying. The agitated level sixty gets in my face then.

"I might be able to avoid her on the battlefield. Do you think I could?"

I grimace and step away from his intense question. "You really love her then." This sort of anxiety is so out-of-character for Wolfbane that I wonder if a strange being had taken over his mind and body. No, it's just love.

"I've loved her all my life." Wolfbane scowls at me. "You can moon after her all you like, but she's mine."

I hold up my hands in defeat. This is the end of my unhealthy infatuation. I hope. "So, will you join us?"

Wolfbane thinks for a moment. "Might as well. Luxon's been annoying my crew anyway."

Right. Great. Who knew that love would push Wolfbane to join us? Well, Lady Lore knew. I offer a hand for him to shake, but he only looks down at it.

"I don't think so. I'm not allying with you but with Lore."

"For the sake of Lady Lore," I agree with a wry smile. This guy's more lovestruck than I am! To betray a level one hundred and thirty eight for her was downright crazy! But downright romantic and noble too.

The monk of Zamorak, who's been listening all this time, suddenly butts in. "You're going to join them, Wolfy?" Igor gives a high-pitched shriek when Wolfbane's scimitar tickles his throat.

"Leave him be," I plead.

But Wolfbane appears to not hear me. "No one calls me Wolfy." After a moment, with an unwholesome smirk, Wolfbane draws his weapon away from the terrified monk and leaves the church. Without waiting for me.

"Die!" is the first pleasant word I hear once I step outside into the dark, gloomy place that Lumbridge has become. Kenshin has his dragon scimitar poised to strike at Wolfbane, who looks vaguely amused.

"Save your voice for those who **will **die. Off, noob." With that, Wolfbane struts past him. For a moment, I can't help admiring his gutsy-ness. Then I'm concerned as Kenshin attacks Lady Lore's lover. "Off, you noob!" Wolfbane draws his scimitar to block Kenshin's attack.

The problem with calling people noobs is that it only makes them angrier. I realize this as Wolfbane continues to goad Kenshin with taunts about his general noobiness. "Wolfbane. Kenshin…" My feeble voice does catch their attention.

They stop their epic battle to look at me. "What, noob?" they say at the same time. I bristle, but I can't deny that I'm a noob. And so what? I'm proud of being one because that's where we all start. As noobs. Even terrifying Lord Luxon must have been a noob at one point. The thought makes me smile, and the two combatants exchange weary glances.

"Freak, what did you interrupt us for?"

"Hey, you're that kid who got killed by a cow…" Apparently more clearheaded than before, Kenshin moves away and lowers his weapon. "I told you that you'd come back."

"Yep," I say. "You should come with us to Varrock and join our army."

Wolfbane looks between Kenshin and me and then tucks his scimitar away in the leather pack draped by his side. "So we're all chums now?" he asks wryly.

"Chums," Kenshin agrees though he gives Wolfbane a half-grimace. Then he turns to me. "Eh, sorry for trying to kill you earlier. I think it was you…"

I shrug. "It was me, but I'm okay." I think of Monty and feel a ping of guilt. But there's no time for guilt because a group of six Runescapians are approaching us now. They look…rather bloodthirsty. Oh, I don't like them.

"Ever since Lumbridge changed," whispers Kenshin, scaring the wits out of me, "there have been gangs. And mass slaughtering."

Wolfbane doesn't look impressed or intimidated. "They wouldn't stoop to slaughtering three people, would they? Not much of a massacre."

The six Runescapians, however, don't appear to be discouraged by our meager number. I glance at the other two. They're as lost as I am. "Maybe we should run," I suggest. Wolfbane makes a face, but Kenshin glowers at him.

"Freak's right. They've got us outnumbered and out-leveled probably."

As we scatter past them, the gang of Runescapians curse our fleeing backs. Ignoring the arrows flying in our direction, I sprint after Kenshin and Wolfbane, both of whom are ironically better at running away than a nooblet like me. We stop at the bridge near the cow-pen. I sit down. OH, my lungs…

"That was exciting," I mutter as soon as I can breathe.

Wolfbane laughs, but his laugh has no humor in it. I hate those kind of laughs. They never bode well. "Well, facing Luxon's army will be more exciting. Let's go. Chop chop! No time to waste!" He's waving his arms at us. Full of a strange enthusiasm.

Kenshin glances at me. "Please let me kill him?"

"No," I say determinedly. No matter how irritating Wolfbane might be, we need him and his buddies. "Where is your crew anyway, Wolfbane?"

He just shrugs and continues to point frantically towards the path to Varrock. "Don't worry, noob. They'll find me. Let's go."

I stand and say in his face. "My name is Freak. Not noob." I wait for the cold blade, but Wolfbane only stares at me with amusement.

"Huh," he huffs. "Maybe you do have the makings of a warrior. Maybe." With that, Wolfbane strolls down the path of Varrock alone. Kenshin groans and follows. I take up the rear, watching the peacefully mooing cows go by.


	20. Into the Wilderness

**A/N: Lately I've been suffering from writer's block...but on the bright side, I made this chapter long :D Enjoy!**

Reunions are great. Well, for family reunions, it depends…Of course, I don't think I've ever been to a family reunion. Either way, **this** reunion was great. Wolfbane's face lit up like a light bulb at the sight of Lady Lore. I had never seen such a vibrant smile on her face. I don't understand her love for Blondie, but if it makes her happy, then it's okay with me. Oh fine, I'm still the tiniest bit bitter.

Even so, Dawn's relief at seeing me alive eased that bitterness. She knows at least what courage I had to screw up to go to Lumbridge. She's standing next to me as Fireheart holds what seems like the final meeting before the war. We're outside the Varrock Castle walls because there's no room inside the castle that will hold us all.

Fireheart and Redseed each have fifty-one relatively high levels under their command. Dawn has her two-hundred woodcutting pals lined up in their neat rows. My unit of eighteen is huddled next to Cheesecracker and Hamlet's units of eighteen. My fellow commanders are situated next to me. It's so nice to see them again, but they don't have time for mawkish greetings. They're focused on Lady Lore, Wolfbane, his newly arrived crew and Fireheart, who's watching the newcomers with wariness.

Catgirl and her forty mages are lined up too, right next to Lady Lore's thirty-one rangers. Right beside Catgirl stands Bluestar, looking brave, handsome and yet demure. Kenshin, who revealed cheerfully that he was level eighty, is lingering at Bluestar's side.

"We don't mind fighting Lord Luxon," Wolfbane is saying earnestly to Fireheart. Even so, Redseed, with his grave common sense, looks troubled.

"Don't make trust an issue," Lady Lore pleads. Her arm is wrapped around Wolfbane's. I look away from this intimacy with the faintest smidgeon of resent. Oh whatever.

Fireheart glances at Redseed, who only shrugs. "It's too dangerous. In this war, we can't afford--"

GAH! Why can't we all get along? I break away from the audience into the center, nearly knocking into a fountain. Not this time! I would not fall in this time!

"Let them fight! If they betray us, then we'll pay the price. But they won't! I know they won't!" I look for reassurance from Wolfbane. Getting none, I look pleadingly at Voldmort and the rest of the level sixties who had been in league with Lord Luxon.

"Freak, calm down!" Someone pokes me. The lethal poke at my back makes me gasp. But it doesn't calm me down! No, something has my blood boiling! It must be the air I breathe…huh, pollution or something. I push the Pokey Lady away (although it is against my principles to harm a lady) and march towards the road that leads to the wilderness.

"I'm going to fight Lord Luxon! I won't stand for any more bickering! Who's with me?" I notice the Pokey…Dawn's hurt look (I haven't thought of Dawn as the Pokey Lady for a while now) and then turn to my rapt audience. "Who's with me?" I repeat.

Bluestar steps away. "I am." He then glances nervously at Fireheart, who looks too stunned to say a word. "Fire, he's right. We can't afford to bicker. If we wait, Lord Luxon will have more time to prepare himself. I trust Freak, and if they--" Bluestar gestures towards Wolfbane and Lady Lore "--betray us…then we can blame Freak."

Hey! While I fume, Fireheart is thinking. Apparently, the argument works for Redseed because he nods and gives me a fond smile. "We can blame Freak."

Laughing (and making Bluestar flush a deep crimson), Fireheart says, "Then let's go, but I won't blame Freak for anything. Whether we win or lose is not his fault." She gazes for one long moment at Lady Lore and Wolfbane, who are still disturbingly clinging to each other.

Thus, with a great cheering, our army sets out. When we pass the church in Varrock, I fall behind to walk beside Cheesecracker and Hamlet. Surprising me, Hamlet says, "Those were motivating words."

"Words of a true leader," Cheesecracker puts in. I can tell he rarely praises people, so I'm all bubbly with pride when another compliment comes my way. From Gorgonwrath this time.

"After you left to meet Wolfbane, I felt guilty, so I told them all." He gestures to Hamlet, Cheesecracker, Aurora, Saint Loren, Rosegarden, Marigold, Hammockhead…ah, so many familiar faces. "Going to Lumbridge took real guts."

"But, if you go off like that again, Freak, I'm going to kill you myself," growls a new voice. Bluestar! Making threats…

Feeling my ego drain, I solemnly promise Bluestar never to go off on my own to meet dangerous high levels. By the time the others have stopped laughing at my oath, we reach the wilderness ditch. I eye the distance. It looks farther than my legs can stretch. There's no helping it. I have to jump.

Dawn is already on the other side of the ditch, watching me with a smile that (I think) is dangerously close to a smirk. "C'mon, Freak. Jump. I'll help you if you fall in."

How reassuring…

"Facing Lord Luxon is a lot worse than leaping a ditch," Dawn continues, taunting me so cruelly. "Are you the coward I think you are?"

"No," I mutter. "Maybe…"

Dawn gives me her full-fledged smirk. "So, you really are a cowardly noob. How sad."

How dare she! Cowardly I may be! And I'm definitely a noob! But I am not a cowardly noob! That doesn't make sense…even in my mind. I leap the ditch just to startle the Pokey Lady, who appears to think that I won't jump.

"That works, Freak." She grins at me and sprints to catch up with her army, which is slowly traversing deeper into the wilderness along with the others. She tricked me!

This journey into the wilderness reminds me of our previous ill-fated mission to spy on Lord Luxon. This time I'm not as afraid…since I have a back-up of four hundred and forty four Runescapians. Hamlet counted on our way to the ditch.

Our voyage is quiet. The occasional giant rat that came to harass us was slaughtered immediately. As a group, we make a formidable force. Even so, the gray earth, the dead trees, the gloomy landscape makes it hard to be cheerful. Redseed, at least, is trying.

"If you go a bit west from here, you'll find a fort filled with Dark Warriors. They're spiteful, attacking anything that moves, but pathetic," he's saying to Catgirl. "It's a good place to find free runes."

"What else is there out here?" Catgirl asks. As for me, I can't imagine what might be out here. Not normal Runescapians, I'm sure. They couldn't possibly live among this perpetual gloominess.

"Bandits have a large town out here. There are graveyards with ghosts and zombies. And demons…much further in," Redseed says with a baffling grin. "Fireheart, remember that greater demon?"

Our leader looks wary. "Yes. But I'd rather not." Fireheart is lingering behind our huge army with us and letting Wolfbane lead the way. I can tell she's not happy about the prospect, but Lady Lore had talked her into it.

"What happened?" Cheesecracker asks, ignoring Fireheart's scowl.

"I ran across the demon, and it killed me. End of story," mutters Fireheart. She quickens her stride to walk side by side with Bluestar.

Redseed shakes his head. "Not quite. You walked into it. Then you ran away…straight into a revenant werewolf…"

Making an indiscernible sound of anger, Fireheart covers her ears. "I'm not listening."

"I hate revs," says Bluestar with a sympathy that earns him a smile from Fireheart.

With gusto, Redseed finishes the tale. "After being mauled by the revenant, she ran to take refuge behind the greater demon, who finished her off with one nasty blow. I was watching all this…I ran for my life."

"You could have helped," Fireheart says with a dignified air.

"And gotten myself killed?" Redseed gets no answer because our army has come to an abrupt halt. "Is that…a noob?"

I'm wondering what could have possessed Redseed to call anyone a noob when I realize that there's no other word to describe the guy standing in front of our army.

"Hello there, noobs," the noob says gallantly, bowing to our astounded army. He's bald but sports a brown beard that covers his chin. His T-shirt is the yellow of moldy cheese, and his green pants look out of place in the midst of the gloomy gray of the wilderness.

"Who are you?" Wolfbane looks appalled.

"I'm Bob. His Greatness, Lord Luxon's pet noob." Bob turns an accusing eyes towards us. "He'll own you all."

I appreciate a good pun every now and then, but this pun was almost unbearable. If we lost, our lives would belong to Luxon. "Where is he?" Ugh, pet noob. How demeaning.

Ignoring me, Bob gestures for us to keep walking. "Follow me, **noobs**, to the Clan Wars arena. That is where you'll fight my master."

Fireheart breaks the ranks suddenly to confront Wolfbane and Lady Lore. "Did either of you know about this?"

Shaking her magnificent head, Lady Lore looks at Wolfbane. "I know nothing."

"He was talking about building an arena for some friendly sparring. We thought he was crazy because that would be changing all the rules of death in the wilderness. He can change them and build a Clan Wars arena because Zamorak probably gave him permission." Wolfbane shrugs and then glances at Bob, who is tapping his foot. "We might as well follow the noob…and play Luxon's game."

Play his stupid game? I'm annoyed as we follow the noob deeper into the wild.

"Hey, how did you become his pet noob anyway?" someone in Dawn's army calls out.

Bob pauses and turns to glare at us all. For a noob, he is utterly fearless in the face of a four-hundred person army. "Don't ask questions, noobs."

For the rest of our trek, no one says a word: whispered or otherwise. Every face I look to is painted with anxiety. Even Fireheart is looking almost queasy. Dawn has dropped behind a bit to walk at my side. She's the first to speak as a building appears out of the dark gloom.

"Is that the arena?"

Her question goes unanswered until Bob enters the place. It's an enormous, rectangular room with four walls. Arches are in the walls, so that people can actually get into the room of benches and chairs. A purple portal is throbbing at one end of the room. Our army fills what appears to be a waiting-room.

Bob's eyes are thin slits as he surveys us with disapproval. "Enter through the portal. His Greatness is waiting."

At this command (from a pet noob…), our leaders immediately form a huddle. Hamlet pulls me over to join the group.

"Should we go in?" is the most obvious question. The question comes from Redseed who is grimacing at the thought.

"Otherwise, we won't find Luxon," replies Wolfbane with a smirk. "How typical of him to want things his way, on the battlefield of his choosing."

Fireheart breaks the circle first. "If we can't lure Luxon out, then we'll go in." She smiles sweetly at the pet noob. "Bob, is there any way to contact…your master?" The last two words come reluctantly to her tongue, but she knows as well as anyone in this room that Bob wouldn't tolerate any disrespect towards "His Greatness." Personally, I think "His Majesty" sounds a lot better than "His Greatness."

Bob shakes his bald head. "Nope. In the portal." So saying, Bob disappears into the purple portal. Redseed sighs.

"In the portal it is."

Only Bluestar moves toward the portal and considers it. His blue gaze is as steady as ever until it strays to Fireheart. Then he blinks and turns pink. "I'll go first. If I don't come back…then save the battle for another day."

I finally realize that Lord Luxon could have a trap lying for us behind that portal. We'd have to enter one or two people at a time; those few people would be targeted by Luxon's lackeys and slaughtered. Bit by bit, our army would disappear. And Bluestar might be first…but I wouldn't allow it!

"No, Bluestar! I'll go first; you're more…" What was the word? Useful?

Bluestar's anger is truly terrible. The glower on his face is so akin to Lord Luxon's that I choke. His blue eyes are like ice. "I'm not more important than you are, Freak."

"You're more useful," I insist, and I flinch as Bluestar draws closer. It's Dawn who interferes.

Stepping between us, she puts her hands on her hips. Then I notice her lovely rune plate skirt with green trimming. Underneath the skirt are lovely, tanned legs that lead to two small, black-booted feet. I'm blinking like an idiot when Dawn declares, "I'll go first."

"Ow!" I say as a black boot meets my shin.

As Dawn passes me, she mutters, "Don't stare at a girl's legs. It's not polite."

Uh…She had noticed. Before I can apologize, she's disappeared into the portal. Many of the others are smirking. Fireheart only glances at Redseed; they exchange lovely conspiratorial smiles.

"Why'd she kick you?" asks Catgirl in honest confusion.

Sneering, Wolfbane comes up to me and jeers. "Love troubles, huh?"

"No."

They forget me as Dawn pops back into the room. With one quick glance, I take in that she's still in one piece and smiling beautifully. I'm not in love with the Pokey Lady! Am I?

"It's an arena. With lava," Dawn says with delight. What kind of girl likes lava? Within minutes, most of our great army is through the purple portal. The last few are Fireheart, Redseed, Dawn (who I can't look in the eyes anymore), Hamlet and Cheesecracker.

I take a moment to reminisce, or as Bob would have said, I take a moment to delay our deaths. This all started when I decided to follow Redseed. He met up with Fireheart and agreed to fight Lord Luxon, who has those poor noobs mining rocks (coal and runite, Dawn had told me), so he can make a quick profit. Then everything had snowballed, getting more complicated…and more dangerous.

This was the end.

"What are we standing around for?" Redseed laughs. "Come on!" My blue-haired buddy enters the portal.

Hamlet and Cheesecracker, heartened by his tone, step in too. With one last smile for her sister and for me, Fireheart follows. Armored in rune armor (including a lovely, white-trimmed skirt) and armed with a rune scimitar and an elaborate shield, she has never looked more fierce.

I'm left with Dawn, who seems to expect me to go first. "What?"

"Go, Freak."

I shake my head. A serious case of the nerves is paralyzing me. I almost fall headfirst into the portal as Dawn pushes me. Closing my eyes, I feel the rush of cold air and then solid ground once again underneath my feet. Thank Saradomin. But everyone has gone on ahead or something because I can't see anyone.

All I can see is the rocky and black terrain. Pools of orange lava, two congealed masses on the far sides of the arena, are smoking. The faint stench of hot rock and sulfur makes my nose tickle. Well, it's a shame Bob isn't here to say: "Welcome to Clan Wars, noob."


	21. Clan Wars!

We're moving into the dark, rocky and lava-infested arena with the caution of hunted animals. After all, we don't know where Luxon and his goons are. Fireheart is running ahead; Bluestar sprints to catch up with her: the ever-reliable backup. They'd protect each other. Meanwhile everyone else is haphazardly following the two of them, herded along by Redseed, Hamlet, Cheesecracker and even me; I'm at the back of the pack with Dawn loping along a few meters away. I try to talk to her, but when I open my mouth, no words come out. She gives me a what's-wrong-with-you-at-the-moment look and sprints ahead.

Finally, the majority of us have passed between two waist-high stone walls to find a barrier of pointy (aah, scary) rocks. They're taller and thicker than any one of us. Beyond the rocks is the scariest sight of all: Lord Luxon and an army the half the size of ours.

Our army is a mix of bronze and iron, steel and mithril, adamantine and black, leather brown, green dragonhide, blue mage robes and speckles of light blue. On Luxon's side is rune with trims: gold, red, white and blue. His rangers, all dressed in green dragonhide, are standing beside a small group of mages with gold-trimmed robes. Luxon himself appears to have polished his armor of Zamorak; it's shining so much that it hurts my eyes.

"What are the rules?" Fireheart asks matter-of-factly. Even through her serene tone, I can tell she's panicked by the way her hands are clenched to stop them from trembling.

From across the barrier, Luxon's face looks eerily striped. It doesn't help the mood any. He replies, "No Summoning. No food or drinks. I'm being too nice really. Now I'm only level 126."

Only? There's an uneasy stir in our army.

"Zamorak would rather have me crush you all quickly, but I want to have a bit of fun." Luxon puts his face close to the rocks between the two armies, smiling in a deranged fashion. "Lore, Wolfy, it's nothing personal. Business."

"It's business now to take over Runescape?" Lady Lore says with tears in her eyes.

Luxon hesitates and then shakes his head, making at least four hundred jaws drop. Mine was one of them. "It's not my business."

"It's Zamorak's business," Redseed supplies.

Lord Luxon looks amused. "Indeed." While he is thusly amused, I slip through our army to stand beside Fireheart to ask a question that has been bothering me.

"What happens when we die?"

The army behind Luxon breaks out into chuckles suddenly. Hmm, I don't see what's so funny about that question. Shushing his enormous number of goons, Lord Luxon bows to me and declares, "You are a most practical person, Freak. I commend you, and I shall answer you as frankly as I can. When you die, you will be stuck in a prison over there." He gestures to two rectangular rooms meters away to our left. "Once there, you can to use the provided orb to watch your friends die."

How morbid. "What about after the war?"

"The winner decides the fate of the loser," Luxon murmurs, apparently lost in thought. "I haven't decided what I want yet from you all."

"You haven't won the war yet," Fireheart retorts. "Bring this barrier down and face us. We're ready."

Luxon gives a little laugh. His goons follow with hearty laughter of their own. "Fiery. You make my very heart burn."

Bluestar's eyes blaze at these words. He's about to make a retort when I say, "Is it heartburn? Maybe it was something you ate…" Within a moment, everyone is staring at me, my allies with amusement, my enemies with incredulity at my (accidental) impudence. Oh, Luxon looks angry. Correction: very angry.

"Yes, let this war commence!" The very angry villain waves his arm spastically, giving some signal that makes the ground start to swallow the rocks that make up the barrier. Within those tense seconds before all hell would break out, I realize that we made up no game plan, er war plan….

"We don't have a plan," I point out to Bluestar, who grins at me.

"Just wing it!" he says. The rocks are half-way down already. "Well, I suppose it would be best to target Luxon."

But the high level has retreated into his army, disappearing into the phalanx of rune armor. I glance at Bluestar, who mutters, "Never mind. Let's tear them down one by one…together."

"Piling," Redseed says with a hint of disapproval. The rocks are almost gone now.

"Buddy system," I correct.

"Euphemisms." Even so, Redseed has stopped scowling and has drawn his rune scimitar. He looks nervous as if he's as uncertain of our fate as I am. Oh holy crumb-buckets. If he's not sure we'll survive, then our chances are very grim indeed. Even so, Fireheart and Bluestar look determined to win this…as if they still believe we can win.

"Can we win?" I mutter to no one in particular. Dawn knocks the back of my head, and I whip around to glower at her smiling face.

She's drawn a rune scimitar, and strangely, I find myself missing the axe she always has in her hand. She looks so fierce…but beautiful. "I know we can win. We outnumber them, and our cause is honorable. Freak, are you okay? Hello?" Her poke is gentle this time, more inquisitive than sadistic. A moment later: "Duck, you crazy kid! High level rangers!"

"Duck?" I repeat, looking momentarily for a quacking creature with features. Dawn drags me away behind one of the stone walls. Soon, many of our rangers take refuge behind the structure too while arrows whiz over their heads. "Blue arrow heads…"

"Rune arrows." Dawn grimaces and looks up as Lady Lore glides over to us. I blatantly ignore her and her magnificence. I keep my eyes straight on the dark stone in front of me and block the melody of her voice. Personally, I like Dawn's honey and briar voice better. Did I honestly just think that? I must have looked horrified; Lore bothers to ask me what's wrong.

"Nothing," I reply, and I hold back a gasp as Lore rises, no long protected by the wall, to fire at the high levels somewhere ahead of us. I hear multiple squeals of pain. Lore falls to her knees again and smiles at me.

She giggles, making my heart hurt. "I love sniping high levels. They get so angry."

Dawn puts her chin on the top of the wall. "They're coming closer…"

I stick my chin up on the stone wall. Pain…I think I scraped my jaw. The battlefield is filled with people, all entangled in battle, slashing with scimitars, hacking with axes, smashing with two-hands. Mages and rangers are standing back and firing from various positions. However, the mages in gold-trimmed robes are nowhere to be seen.

"Where are Luxon's mages?" I ask, ducking as an arrow grazes the top of my head. Eh, that was too close.

"We got rid of them," Lore reveals cheerfully, her green eyes bright with mischief. "We piled them mercilessly."

Dawn stands, patting my head condescendingly as she does so. "In which case, I should be out there." She offers a hand to the woman that broke my heart. "Buddy system?"

Lore laughs, and the two of them throw themselves into the battle in the center. Meanwhile, I contemplate my unfortunate position.

Suddenly, an ally of mine (I presume) takes a place behind the wall. Hey, it's the smith, who made all that armor for Dawn's army. He grins at me. "Well, isn't this fun?"

"AAAAAAAH!" The smith and I stick our heads over the wall to watch one of our rangers careening away from a bunch of cackling high level rangers. "Creater! Help!" The guy can definitely run; Luxon's rangers are starting to fall behind.

The smith looks at me. "My brother's is trouble. Help me?"

"Eh, sure." It's something to do (that may or may not get me killed). "I'll help you distract them."

Creater dashes off and begins to taunt the high level rangers. "Noooblets! Come here nooblets!" He blows a raspberry every now and then. Meanwhile I stand there and observe the master of mockery with astonishment.

While the smith is having a merry old time taunting them, I realize the high levels have definitely seen us…or at least seen Creater. His brother is safe and out of sight. Nervously, I wave to the high levels. They wave back with menacing grins. "I think we should run," I mutter. Creater pauses and beams at me.

"Okay. Run!" We flee with arrows flying over our heads. One bounces off my behind and flops to the ground. Well, at least it didn't bury itself in my butt.

Apparently, Creater noticed the arrow because he says to me, "You're one lucky kid."

"Thanks…I guess." It seems I've done a lot of fleeing and not enough fighting. Finally, I catch sight of Hamlet and his unit mobbing one high level. Having found his unit, Creator waves a farewell to me and joins the melee. The high level disintegrates within a few seconds, and Hamlet and his group move on.

My recruits are somewhere around here. The trick is to find them without being killed. A sudden groan of pain stops me. Near a patch of trees, Gorgonwrath and Aurora are holding off a leering guy in rune armor, but poor Gorgonwrath is clutching his side. One more hit and he's gone…

"Hey!" I shout and then I do the stupidest thing I've ever done; I tackle the guy (who is probably sixty levels higher than I am). He screeches like a wounded deer as I ram into him. Though my inner pacifist demands me to halt, I stick my steel sword through the guy's chest (seems he was almost dead too) and soon, the high level disintegrates. After a moment of shock, Aurora squeezes me into a hug. "Thank you!'

Gorgonwrath smiles weakly, removing his hand to reveal the hole in his side. And man, it's a big hole… "I'm almost dead."

"Well, you can still probably fight better than I can. Aurora and I can protect you." I smile at a worried Aurora. "We just have to stick together and take them down one by one."

"I suppose." Gorgonwrath grimaces. "Then we need more people to help us. I have barely any hit points left, and Aurora is already hurt. And you…well, what level are you now, sir?"

"Eh…twenty-six." Still a noob, apparently…

"Then you don't have that many hit points to spare."

"I can help you guys pile! How about it?" The voice makes the three of us jump and then turn to face a very happy Kenshin, who has a lederhosen hat on his head at a jaunty angle, a contrast to his dented rune armor. "Freak, it's the least I can do for almost killing you in Lumbridge before."

I nod, and we wander off deeper into the arena, towards the enemy portal. The entire place is eerily quiet. Allies and enemies have disappeared. While we walk along, I stare at my sword. I had killed someone. I mean, he might have been one of Lord Luxon's cronies, but he was still a person. Suddenly, I shudder at the memory of the nasty crunch as sword had gone through rune metal. But, I suppose, there are some things that you have to fight for.

**A/N: This is my last update before exams. I think I'll have another chapter out the week after next week :D**


	22. Ruined

We must have destroyed our twentieth high level when a howl of rage distracts me. Kenshin angles his head at me. I shrug. "I'll go look," I offer. My curiosity will not be denied. Walking towards the center of the arena, I hear feminine laughter and then a yell of utter rage.

With her hands clasped behind her, Dawn is dancing out of the reach of a high level. His dark hair is spilling into his sweaty face as he takes swings at the lady smirking at him. Even so, I can't believe he has the nerve to go after a lady like that! But she must have already beat him up pretty badly because his rune trim armor has huge dents.

"Freak!"

"Who me? The freak of nature is you," replies the high level, pausing for a respite.

"No, she means me," I butt in. Fierce amber eyes scrutinize me for maybe a second, and then the guy lunges for my throat. I close my eyes. A bang makes me re-open them. "Huh?"

"Another one bites the dust… Look what I fought Halofight with!" Dawn waves a frying pan (where did that thing come from?) in my face and then cleans her dusty boots on Halofight's armor. "It was lying around…"

I rub my face in frustration. "This place is so weird." By now, Gorgonwrath, Kenshin and Aurora have caught up with me to check that I hadn't been murdered. They peer at Halofight, who is sprawled, nearly dead, in a most undignified manner: with his face planted into the ground.

"Let's show him some mercy." Before anyone can say a word, Kenshin reaches down to cut the enemy's throat. Halofight disintegrates, leaving behind dust that makes me sneeze.

"Mercy?" I cough. "That was mercy?!" Then I don't want any mercy.

Kenshin sighs. "He'll live." He jabs a finger towards the jail cells. "There he is." I look and find Halofight staring at Dawn with his face against black bars. After a moment, he leaves the cell through a portal in the back. I guess he doesn't want to stick around and watch.

"Then…will Luxon survive if we kill him?" I mutter. That would be a potential problem.

"I have a feeling he won't come back," Kenshin replies as he wanders closer to the enemy jail cell. The cell next to it contains some of our allies. Despite being killed, they give us cheery waves before disappearing into a portal at the back of the cell.

One guy pops up in our cell. It's Creater's brother, looking glum. "Communications are down since I'm the last messenger, and I died. Hey! You're a commander, aren't you?" He seems to be addressing me.

"I guess," I say modestly and then add as Gorgonwrath gives me a severe look, "Yes, I am. Is there something I need to know?"

The messenger nods. "But first, I'm Elegonesinty. Elegon for short."

"Freak." I'm tempted to shake his hand through the bars until I realize my hand's too wide--or maybe the space between the bars is too narrow?

"You have to find Fireheart and Bluestar. They're being pursued by Luxon and a select few of his cronies, and they need help! I tried looking for help, but a couple of Luxon's friends shot me down."

I nod. I can feel the others all nod behind me. "Where are they?"

"Last I saw them they were in the northeastern corner of the arena, but it's one on one over there, so be careful."

"Will do. And thank you, Elegon." I stifle the urge to salute and shuffle off with the others trailing after me. We all stop as we hear footsteps coming toward us and breathing that sounds like some sort of monster in a hurry to eat its prey. Then some crazy person careens straight into us and falls to the ground to land at our feet. Wolfbane looks up at me weakly.

"Watch out for Lordpain…ow," he wheezes.

Oh crumb-buckets. You don't want to mess with a guy named Lordpain. That scary-sounding guy strolls into our sight, presumably intent on finishing off Wolfbane, who is lolling on the ground. I crouch down and wince at the cuts everywhere in Wolfbane's armor; each cut, not deep enough to kill, was made deliberately for causing pain rather than death. I look up into the face of Lordpain and find not the face of a monster but the face of an utter and complete lunatic.

He laughs spastically, sending shivers down my spine. We all clump together. Suddenly, Aurora is pressed against my right side and Kenshin is shaking on my left. Gorgonwrath, meanwhile, has his eyes wide with terror and his body hidden behind the lot of us. Dawn has moved closer to Wolfbane, who is practically groveling at my feet.

"Holy cow, it's bad enough that you want to kill us," I mutter, "but do you need to torture us too?"

Lordpain shrugs, widening his reddish eyes with surprise. "You guys don't like it? I'm having fun!"

With her frying pan held high, Dawn attacks Lordpain, who knocks her away--three meters away---without effort. He cackles. "Do it again! So I can watch you fly!"

Oh…my…crumb-buckets. He's truly mad! Perhaps realizing the same, Kenshin takes my shoulder and shakes his head. "He's not going to be taken down any time soon; this guy's more dangerous than Luxon himself."

We're all frozen in place. Of course, Wolfbane doesn't seem to have any plans to move since he's fallen unconscious. The pain was too much. But the rest of us have suddenly turned to cowards as Lordpain starts to circle, running the edge of his battle-axe against his thumb.

"Who next? Someone attack me!" barks Lordpain. He suddenly looks sane as he brushes his mud-brown hair out of his face. "Fine then! Transform!"

A moment later, Lordpain has morphed into a…girl? The girl's murky brown eyes still have a reddish undertone, and she's still wielding a rune battle-axe. She gives a characteristic cackle. "Will you cowards attack me now? Since I'm a weak girl?"

"Girls are NOT weak!" Dawn and Aurora shout at the same time, lunging simultaneously for Lordpain…or is it Ladypain? Well, anyway, Ladypain is taken by surprise for a moment, receiving a frying pan in the head and a stab in the gut from Aurora's adamant sword. The high level stumbles away from both blows and sits on the ground, staring murderously in our direction. Dawn and Aurora retreat back into our little grouping.

Holy cashews, Ladypain looks ready to explode. I'm about to order everyone to flee when Kenshin attacks. Instead of attacking back, Ladypain takes him into a deadly embrace. She whispers something into his ear, making him blush and lose his concentration.

"Gosh…" he mumbles, trying vaguely to free himself, but Ladypain is squeezing him. After a tremendous crack, I realize she's trying to break every freakin' bone in his body!

This time, I move (about time I did something, I figure) and poke her hard enough in the side to make her let go.

She steps back, letting Kenshin fall to his knees, and hisses in rage. "Foolish idiots! I'll finish you off the old-fashioned way! Transform!"

Before our eyes can quite catch the transformation, her features melt back into the frightening face of Lordpain. The rest of her body follows slowly. After he's done, I point out, "Foolish idiots is redundant."

"GAAAAH!" He swipes for my shoulder and misses miserably as I flee. Angry as a taunted llama, he storms into the middle of our group, making Aurora, Gorgonwrath and Dawn veer off in different directions. "Stop running, you stupid--" At this point, my mind begins to bleep out his following words.

While I'm off guard (entranced by his colorful language), Lordpain slashes me across the back. I scream and crumple. I don't think I've ever screamed before, and it makes my clanmates stare. The pain, though, is worse than a burn from a fire, worse than Luxon's whip, worse than the pain of losing Lady Lore. I want to tear the skin off my back just to stop the pain; how had Wolfbane managed to run to us with all those cuts in his back? I'd have died from sheer pain. "What the heck did you do to your axe?" I wail at him.

With his head slightly tilted, Lordpain is watching my agony with a deranged happiness. "Poisoned. Very nasty poison, yes it is. So much fun to--" Lordpain suddenly stops, looking confusedly at the sword through his chest. "Fun…"

"The fun's over!" As the haze of pain leaves me, I see Wolfbane shakily pull his blade out of the high level and then kick him down. Lordpain and his poisoned axe disintegrate into dust and bones.

"You okay, Freak?" Woflbane asks, falling to his knees in exhaustion. He manages a nice smile as Kenshin helps him up again. Poor Kenshin seems embarrassed.

"I shouldn't have let him take a shot at you like that," he mutters to me.

"I could have done something," Gorgonwrath adds with a disgusted look. "Ugh…I'm such a coward."

I glower at both of them. "Lordpain is dead. So stop complaining that you didn't do anything and let's go find Fireheart and Bluestar!" They still look miserable, so I say more gently, "Listen, everything ended well. I'm not dead. I'm not complaining."

And so, we set off towards the northern side of the arena--or at least the side that Gorgonwrath claims is north. I trust him though. We trek across the dark rocky arena, destroying the few enemies we come across. I'm feeling quite confident even with the cut throbbing on my back until we come upon a most gruesome scene.

"Have all the mages fallen?" Moving closer, Dawn questions the only person lying among the rocks. Her head is curled toward her chest, her hands still gripping an Earth staff. Catgirl half opens her green eyes.

"They're all gone."

"Someone has to stay with her," Aurora states with a rather maternal look towards Catgirl. She helps the mage sit up against her. "I will."

Gorgonwrath sits beside them. "I'll stay too," he volunteers. He gives me a hard look as if expecting me to object, but I don't mind. I would have expected to leave someone behind to keep an eye on Catgirl. Suddenly, Kenshin steps forward.

"These guys need me. You, Dawn and Wolfbane can help Fireheart…plus, Bluestar seems very capable of protecting her."

I smile. Fireheart wouldn't agree. She would declare she's capable of taking care of herself. "They're both great warriors." This seems to be the right thing to say as Dawn sidles up to me with a beautiful smile. I gulp and move away a bit from her. It's not the time to be distracted…and judging by the smirk on Wolfbane's face, I think he noticed the whole exchange. Oh boy…

"Let's move!" I snap, rather annoyed by Wolfbane's still present smirk. "You guys, good luck."

All of a sudden, Catgirl smiles and then raises a hand. "Wait a moment, Freak."

"Huh?"

"Be careful. Really. Be very careful."

I grin and place my hands behind my head, hoping to look blasé. "Of course." Then Dawn pushes me away with an expression on her face that looks a bit like jealousy. Wolfbane is snickering already.

We start walking; it may have been maybe twenty meters from Catgirl and the others, in the midst of blackened, dead trees that we run into Fireheart and Bluestar. They are attacking and retreating, attacking and parrying with a couple of enemies. A hot bolt of anger makes my hair stand on end when Luxon comes into my path of vision (which doesn't extend that far in this smoggy place). He seems unruffled, untouched.

Luxon and his two buddies pause as Fireheart and Bluestar sprint towards us. Hah! Now we have them outnumbered! Familiar blue eyes twinkle at me. "Hey, Freak. You look like you're in pretty good shape."

I wince. Bluestar looks battered and has almost as many cuts as Wolfbane. Even so, he doesn't seem to be in pain or discouraged. Well, Fireheart's hand on his shoulder may have had something to do with his irrepressible joy. While Bluestar is turned toward us, Fireheart is still watching Luxon and his two cronies, who are lingering about four meters away. They aren't moving.

"Hmm," she huffs, "I think they're going to leave us alone for now."

Wolfbane narrows his eyes. "Luxon's up to something." He limps closer to the high levels, who are standing among a bunch of trees, watching us with intrigued eyes. "Attack us! Or are you cowards?"

They don't respond. Wolfbane growls in anger and then Luxon says softly, "Lore is dead. I killed her myself."

It comes as a blow to everyone, but Wolfbane collapses to his knees. Fireheart nudges him impatiently. "She'll be fine. It's only two leaders who are truly risking their lives. Like you, Luxon, and me. If either of us is killed, we won't ever come back. Right?"

"Correct." Luxon grins. "You've figured it out, huh? I customized that rule myself."

WHAT? We have to get Fireheart away from these guys! Maybe we should keep her in an underground hole with multiple guards. We can't let them destroy her. Honest to God, I can't imagine the pain it would cause Bluestar if she was killed…

"You didn't tell me that!" Bluestar snaps at our leader.

"Would you have let me fight?" retorts Fireheart. Her anger dies when Dawn takes her arm. "What?"

"Get away from here." I don't think I've ever heard Dawn use that voice: a cold, commanding one. "I'm not losing my sister."

Fireheart sighs and then whispers, "Am I supposed to hide away?"

Luxon clears his throat, interrupting the argument. He lifts his thin lips into a smile. "May I also add that the death of a leader means the end of the war?"

One of Luxon's cronies blinks. "How much hp do you have left, sir?"

The answer makes me shudder. "Almost full. Eighty-nine. A few mages caught me off guard, but I took care of them." Those menacing words are for us. Luxon places a companiable hand on his crony's shoulder. "Don't worry too much about me, Tezokiller."

I want to run away with Fireheart. NOT LIKE THAT. I mean, if I eloped with Fireheart, Bluestar would hate me forever. Furthermore, I'm not in love with Fireheart. If anything, I'm in love with Dawn. Crumb-buckets, did I really just think that? My face-palm catches Luxon's attention.

"Why, Freak, you're still here. Isn't that a surprise, Trippin?" He nudges the so far silent high level, who merely smiles at me in an almost pleasant and sympathetic way. Trippin doesn't seem evil, but he's picked Luxon's side anyway.

Wolfbane actually wobbles onto his feet to stand in front of me protectively. "Leave the noob alone, Luxon."

Heh…noob again. I should feel offended, but I can't while I'm so nerve-wracked.

"One-on-one, Luxon."

Luxon agrees with a graceful dip of his dark head. Then he waves his fingers at Trippin and Tezokiller; they both lunge for Fireheart, who immediately parries both of their weapons and then flits away, perhaps to the one on one area. Bluestar and Dawn follow the two high levels trying to hack at our leader. They disappear, with Dawn telling me to wait here, so I'm left to watch Wolfbane take on Lord Luxon.

It's strange to root for Blondie, who I used to hate with a passion. The two of them seem well-matched. Their scimitars lock again and again, and neither one is touched. I can sense though that Wolfbane is getting tired. Meanwhile, Luxon is nearly dancing on his feet. He's a graceful guy. I'll give him that.

Then Luxon shocks me by saying to Wolfbane, "You have nothing to lose if you betray them, and everything to gain if you ally yourself with me. Forget Lady Lore. Love has absolutely no worth. Do you think it was love that got me this far? That made me this powerful? No, Wolfbane! It was hate! Hate was the drive to work harder, to be better than everyone else!"

I want to yell at him that hate only brings trouble like power does, but distracting Wolfbane is a bad idea. Then I wonder if Luxon is truly happy the way he is. Sure, he's rich. He has cronies. He probably has a house that bigger and more furnished than Hamlet's. He has the power to enslave us. But does that make him happy? By the hungry look on his face, I guess not. Once you start craving for power, you can't stop. I hope Wolfbane knows that.

My so-called ally is hesitating. I twitch in my effort not to say a word. Wolfbane won't want a pep talk from me. Imagine my surprise when he looks pleadingly at me. "Lady Lore," I mouth in encouragement.

A strange looks passes across his face; Wolfbane's icy-blue eyes harden. Then he comes at ME with his scimitar. What? Maybe hate **is** more powerful than love. For a pacifist, the realization is a huge blow. It's like the loss of a limb. Love is nothing. Hate will earn you the world! What kind of sick world is that!? It can't be Runescape!

"No!" I dodge a blow that never comes. Suddenly, I hear an outraged, "Argg!" Glancing back, I find Luxon with a huge cut in the middle of his decorated plate body. Wolfbane is poised in a balanced crouch a few feet from me.

"Don't play your sick mind games with me, Luxon!"

"Mind games," Luxon spits. "What mind games?" The level one hundred twenty-six looks furious. "Freak is only a liability to you. He's no friend of yours. Ask him if he likes you. I'm quite sure he despises you. After all, you two were fighting for one lady."

How the heck does Luxon know that? Wolfbane looks sheepish.

"The better question is if you like **him**, Luxon?"

The high level turns to glare at me. His full-on glare is terrifying; my bones become liquid-like, and it takes more strength than usual to keep myself on my feet instead of falling onto the dirt and curling up into fetal position. It's the black eyes without mercy matched with a thin, cold mouth that get me.

"At the moment, Wolfy, you're pissing me off, but generally, you amuse me. So I like you." Luxon gives Wolfbane a sickeningly sweet smile. "Kill the noob, and I'll forgive you."

Hey…I don't appreciate that, and apparently Wolfbane doesn't appreciate Luxon's words either. "Shut up. I don't need your forgiveness."

Smiling, Luxon nods. "Good. I don't have a forgiving bone in my body. Your betrayal earns you a death penalty, but that doesn't mean I'm done using you yet."

Wolfbane lunges and then stumbles into me as Luxon hits his scimitar away. I help him straighten up. His cold armor feels terrible against my skin, but then I forget the coldness when Luxon strikes. We both step back, and Luxon's scimitar plants itself in the ground. Deep. I wince. That would have hurt…

Within a second, Wolfbane is attacking a very distraught Luxon, who's staring at the weapon deeply embedded in the lava rock. While I back up, Wolfbane cuts into the high level's side, then his back; he strikes at limbs as Luxon tries to punch him. Bits of Luxon's crow-black hair go flying as Wolfbane's blade comes up unexpectedly. Luxon barely saves himself from a beheading by doing a limbo, bending so far down that my back hurts looking at him.

"I'll kill you!" he roars, finally getting a grip on Wolfbane's arm. His black boot delivers a kick that shatters Wolfbane's rune plate. My ally crumples, moaning miserably and dropping his weapon. Luxon gives him another savage kick that sends Wolfbane rolling into a lava pit.

"Wolfbane!" The raw sound coming from my throat surprises me, but Luxon merely watches as the lava fizzes and emits a cloud of smoke. Wolfbane is dead. I'm alone with Lord Luxon. Holy crumb-buckets…

Well, if I die, it doesn't matter. There's still Fireheart, Bluestar and Dawn and others. I won't run and make the others fight him; I'll fight Lord Luxon. Twenty-six versus a one hundred and twenty-six. What difference does one hundred levels make? "Bring it!"

"Oo, feeling brave today?" Luxon laughs. "I can change that. Er…wait a moment." After a few minutes of tugging, he manages to remove his scimitar from the ground. Hmm, I guess even high levels like him have embarrassing moments. Now we're both ready. Kind of.

Instinctively, I bring my steel sword up to clang against his scimitar. The pressure against my sword almost makes my wrists give in. I free my sword, backing away. Luxon falls forward and then brings up his blade to put a slit in my head. I tap his weapon away, making my fingers numb. Good gravy, he puts a lot of power into those attacks.

"You can't parry me forever. You can't win like that, Freak." He sounds almost gentle. "Listen…I'll let you hit me once. Then I kill you. It works out for both of us."

I blink at him. He must have caught my blank look because he explains further, "You can say you fought me, and I can get rid of you. Everyone's happy."

Hmm. Free shot. Sounds good to me. Unless it's a trick? "Swear you won't attack me when I take my free shot."

"I swear by the great god Zamorak."

Not very reassuring. "Swear by Saradomin."

Suddnely petulant, Luxon mutters, "Very well, I swear by Saradomin." The high level opens his arms, exposing himself, so I can attack him; his blood-red cape ripples in an intangible wind.

Still not reassuring. He is Zamorak's crony after all. "No," I say, "Swear by Guthix." Neither good nor evil should do. There was no way he could break a promise like that.

With a growl of annoyance, he declares, "I swear by Guthix not to attack you while you take your damn free shot. You must have learned how to be irritating from Dawn. That girl drove Tezokiller crazy by sniping poor Trippin. He used to track her down and kill her for fun."

"Enough!" My hands raise the sword, and the sword plunges straight into Luxon's chest. A flash of light blinds us both, and when I look back at Luxon, the high level nods in understanding. "Steel can't go through rune…but you're glowing with a sudden aura…blessed by Saradomin; the damn goody-goody…won't let Zamorak have any fun…" His dark features, sad now, crumble into dust. It all blows up in my face, so I have the sneezing fit of the century.

"Master!" Bob comes careening out of nowhere and stares at the bones laying where Lord Luxon had been standing a moment ago. "Noob, you killed him!" Bob bares his teeth at me and lunges; I'm prepared to keep fighting. Now that Luxon's dead…it's over. The war is over!

So, I'm not too surprised when I'm yanked out of the arena and end up sprawled on the clan wars waiting room floor. Every bit of my body is aching now, but I manage to lift my head and see a bunch of familiar faces: Bluestar, Fireheart, Dawn, Redseed, Kenshin, Catgirl, Creator, Elegon, Gorgonwrath, Aurora, Wolfbane…and Lady Lore.

"You did it, Freak," Lore says, and then she plants a kiss right on my forehead. The touch electrifies me, and I jump to my feet with an oh-it-was-nothing grin. Our entire army is gathered in the waiting room, safe and sound. Well, talk about your happy ending.

Suddenly, Dawn breaks the circle around me as she leaves. Fireheart looks after her with a frown. "What's up with her?" Hmm, maybe this story isn't over quite yet. There's still a lot of explaining and storytelling to do.

Glowing now, Fireheart gestures for me to come and sit at a bench. I feel like a celebrity as everyone tries to crowd around me: everyone except Dawn who's staring at the purple portal impassively.

"How'd you kill him?" Wolfbane demands.

"The gods know," I answer honestly.

"Tell us!" Lady Lore insists in her lilting voice. She's taken aback when Redseed scolds her.

"Leave him be. Let's go back to Varrock first."

As Cheesecracker and Hamlet come over to high-five me, I realize that 'Varrock' sounds very, very nice. It sounds like 'home.'


	23. The Reality of Ice Cream

A guy is clinging to me, dragging me down. He was one of the guys who had been forced to dig up rocks,--er, "mine coal and runite" (as Dawn would put it). His thanks, though I really do appreciate it, is just too much.

Finally, Redseed pries the guy off me and sends him scurrying to join the other freed noobs. We're all on our way home. I'm trying to avoid Dawn. Well, she's busy chatting with a woodcutting pal of hers. Fireheart and Bluestar are making cow eyes at each other. Lady Loor and Wolfbane are looking at each other in the same way. And me, I'm stuck between Cheesecracker and Hamlet who are arguing about the use of strength pots.

"It's completely dishonorable," Hamlet says with irritation.

Cheesecracker gives him a look. "What? All the high levels are using it. Potting helps."

"I thought pot was a drug."

My companions glance at me in concern. "A drug?"

"What's a drug?" Hamlet asks.

"Hugs not drugs," chimes in a random ranger, who continues to walk as we stop in confusion. Now that I think about it, I don't where I came up with the word "drugs." But it sounds naughty. And secretive.

A yell of rage freezes a group of us. From ahead of us, Fireheart cries out, "No! Watch out for that…" She trails off as Bob, the pet noob, twitches away from one of our mages standing on the outer edge of our army. The mage, in question, looks slightly baffled at this foiled attempt on his life.

"You noobs killed my master!" Bob wails. His dark eyes glitter with anger. "And I can't even attack you guys! What is this? What's up with this noob wilderness?"

Lady Lore laughs. The sound makes me twitch. I gotta get over her. Anytime now? But I can't! It's not that easy! I glance in Dawn's direction. That crazy girl is smiling now. She looks rather…pretty when she does that. She should smile more often…unless it's at someone else's pain.

Dawn must have come to the same realization as Lady Lore has. "The rules have changed. Players can't attack other players."

"Saradomin's work." Bluestar glances around appreciatively at the dark and gloomy wilderness. So, Zamorak's hold over the area had been loosened just as it seemed that he would take over Saradomin's domain. Talk about irony.

"Well, there are still revenants around," Fireheart reminds us. Aw, she never lightens up, but I guess that's what you need in a leader. "Let's keep moving. Bob, you're welcome to come with us."

Welcome? Welcome that pet noob, who wants to kill us all? Maybe holding a grudge isn't healthy, but how can she forget the way he adored Luxon? Bob thinks about it for a moment while the Luxon's former slaves and the majority of our army start moving again. With all these interruptions, we'd never get back to Varrock.

But we manage to get to Varrock without anyone dying. Even Bob comes with us, calling anyone within earshot a "noob." Everyone ignored him of course. Back in Varrock Castle, I explain about the free shot Luxon gave me.

"Isn't getting a god's help, cheating?" I ask as an afterthought.

"Hardly," replies Redseed, and he smiles. "Don't question a blessing."

"In the end, we were all Saradomin's chosen ones," Bluestar adds. "Right before the war ended, I felt this new strength. I knew we couldn't be defeated."

Oh well. So much for being special, but I guess being Saradomin's sole Chosen One is a huge burden on only one person's shoulders. I sigh, and Redseed tilts his head in surprise.

"Well, I think the gods have a special fate for you."

"I'm going to die?" Special fate sounds unpleasant.

Bluestar ruffles my hair. "I won't let you die, Freak." I give him a disgruntled look while the others laugh.

"I mean," Redseed continues, "that you may just be the hero Count Draynor is looking for."

Sure, I faced a level one hundred and twenty-six, but hey, the guy was almost dead when I stuck my sword through him. The thought of facing a vampire gives me the heebie-jeebies. "Uh…do I have to face him right now?"

Fireheart grins. "No. Train first. With time, you'll learn everything. I'd love to see the day when you're level one hundred and twenty-six."

I ponder for a moment. Me, level one hundred and twenty-six? Would I change like Lord Luxon? I hold out a hand. "Promise me if I ever start becoming like Luxon that you'll lock me up in jail."

Bluestar, Redseed, Fireheart, Cheesecracker and Hamlet overlap their hands with mine. "Promise," they agree. Hamlet removes his hand first, thinking.

"I hope they have room in the Port Sarim jail."

"There's always the one in Edgeville," Cheesecracker points out.

"I said 'if,' not when." They don't even look sheepish as I stride from the room. I'm not really annoyed at them. I just need room to breathe. Outside the walls of Varrock Castle, I come to an abrupt stop, nearly tripping over a red imp. The wicked thing snickers at me, and I smack it over the head.

The imp disintegrates into ashes. Weird. But, among the ashes is a shiny yellow bead. It's pretty. And suddenly I feel an urge to give it to someone: to someone as pretty as the bead. Oh, what a sappy fool I am! Worse, I'm not thinking about Lady Lore, but about Dawn! Maybe Luxon had knocked the wits out of my head?

"Where is she?"

"Where is who?" Kenshin appears not to notice the way I jump three feet as he comes up behind me. He's wearing the whole lederhosen outfit now. Well, he looks interesting…

Embarrassed, I clear my throat and whisper, "Dawn."

"Who?" Kenshin raises an eyebrow. He grins as Monty (looking less deranged than the last time I had seen him) strolls over and places an elbow on his shoulder.

"Dawn719," I repeat softly.

"What is he saying?" Monty peers at his friend.

Kenshin shrugs. "Maybe he's speaking noobish. The only thing I can understand in that language is 'Phree stoof plox.' Unfortunate, isn't it?"

Monty nods gravely. "We should take a class in noobish."

"I said 'Dawn719!'" I yell. I'm all out of breath now, and by their stupid grins, I can tell they've been messing with me.

"Why are you yelling my name?" Glaring at Kenshin and Monty, I turn to smile nervously at Dawn. She doesn't look happy. Well, chances are, she doesn't want people to know that we're friends. Or acquaintances. Or whatever we are.

I lead her away from the two idiots grinning at us, but Dawn eventually plants her feet in front of the place where you can buy sticks…er, staffs. They all look the same to me. "Freak, where are we going?"

With a blush, I hold out the yellow bead. "For you." She brings her nose close to the lovely bead, glances up at me with those lovelier tawny eyes and then straightens herself.

Using one finger, she pushes my hand with the bead into my forehead. "You'll need that. For a quest. A wizard keeps losing his beads. Wow, that sounds awkward."

The innuendo goes over my head, but I'm mortified. Embarrassed. Ashamed. Horrified. Discomfited. Man, I feel like a thesaurus. "You sure?"

Dawn sighs. "You definitely need it more than I do." She pokes my stomach, making me drop the bead, and catches it. While I wince over the ever-present lethality of her pokes, she slips the bead into my backpack.

As she walks away, I swear to the gods that I will get her a real gift! Something that she won't push into my forehead…

When Hamlet decides to go to Al Kharid (sounds exotic), I tag along. Maybe there's something I can buy there. After all, according to Hamlet, it's the land of profit. "Crafters tend to go there to make gold and silver items. Myself, I find crafting rather tedious," Hamlet is muttering as we trek towards the desert city.

I'm only half-listening. Running past the dark wizards still frazzles me though Hamlet assures me that they'll ignore us since we're both higher levels now. Honestly, I don't feel like a higher level. I don't feel like a hero. I just feel like me…which isn't always the best feeling in the world.

"Hey, what's with the long face? Love troubles?" Hamlet isn't grinning though; he looks completely serious.

I want to wail and lament, weep and sob, and cry my heart out. Instead, I agree wearily, "Yeah. Love troubles." You'd think that I'd learn the first time. Lady Lore has Wolfbane. Dawn is just not interested.

Hamlet leaves me, and I wander towards the general shop. Jiggling the bag of gp in my pocket, I enter the shop. Right before my eyes looms the perfect gift. The shopkeeper leers at me; he knows he's got me. But it's so shiny!

"How much?" I finger the prize on the shop table, and the shop assistant raps my fingers. Hard. Ouch.

"No touching," she says snippily, and I pull my fingers back into the safe cocoon that's my fist.

The shopkeeper looms over me. "756 gp."

I half-wish I could find Hamlet, just to check that I'm not being ripped off, but…I hand over the money to the shopkeeper, who seems insanely happy to have money in his hands. The amulet is perfection; the white string is smooth, the emerald a faultless, shining oval.

"An emerald amulet?" Hamlet says when I run into him outside of the shop. "A memento of your lost love?" He's giving me a tragic look now.

Well, um… "Huh?"

"It matches Lady Loor's eyes."

Hmm. I peer at the (oo, so shiny) emerald amulet. "I didn't think of it like that. I'm over her. Mostly…I know it's not healthy to obsess over her."

"No, then Wolfbane would kill you. I suppose death is rather unhealthy." Hamlet punches my shoulder lightly, and I look at him in reproach. That kinda hurt. He doesn't know his own strength.

"The amulet is for someone," I proclaim. "Now I just have to find her."

Hamlet tilts his head and then "ooh"s in comprehension. I raise an eyebrow questioningly. He gives me a kooky grin and points to his right, past the general store building. I raise my other eyebrow. He stabs insistently towards the building right next to the general store and plate-leg shop, and I go, even while I'm not sure why Hamlet isn't using words to communicate.

Inside the shop are two people. One, of course, is the female shopkeeper, who looks scandalized. "Young man…"

"Don't worry. He's probably lost," Dawn tells him. She places her hands on her hips. "Freak, this is a place for selling and buying plate skirts. Do you want a skirt?"

I glance at my legs. "I think I'm happy with pants. So no."

"Good answer." She seems relieved, but the shopkeeper is still looking at me with suspicion. "Not that I have anything against man-skirts."

The shopkeeper gives a "humph" and retreats beneath a table. With the clanking of metal in the background, rather than traditional romantic music, I hold out my gift tenderly.

"I thought you might like it." After all, it's shiny. Who can resist shiny?

Dawn gives me a calculating look, snatches the amulet and closes her fist over it. As I wait for a heartfelt thank-you, she takes out a few runes from her pocket and waves them over the amulet. A golden glow blinds me for a few moments, and I blink like an idiot as she hands it back.

"Def ammy. You could use it…Well, see you, Freak." Dawn peers over the counter at the shopkeeper. "Ranael, take good care of the addy skirt. I loved that thing." She leaves the shop as happy as can be.

Aaah, why does she keep rejecting me? She loved a skirt…but not…What is love anyway? Suddenly, I feel a stare burn into my back. The shopkeeper, Ranael, has emerged from below her desk. Her paranoid look tells me I better leave. I guess she really doesn't want guys to buy her skirts.

"What's up with the woman who sells plate-skirts?" I ask Hamlet, who's counting the gp he's earned so far. We're loitering outside the general shop.

"She hates guys who wear skirts. Thinks they're unnatural." Hamlet looks up from his moola to answer. "Totally sexist. The breeze when you're wearing a plate-skirt is like nothing you've experienced before."

Uh…Not sure whether I want to feel a breeze down yonder, I stare at the defense amulet in my hand and sigh. Hamlet picks it up and scrutinizes it.

"She enchanted it for you. How nice," he comments.

"Yeah." Real nice. Why couldn't she just take it? "Let's go to the bank before I lose it." Or drop it intentionally. Even on our trek to the bank, I can't figure out why I feel so irrational and rejected.

Much to Hamlet's dismay, we find Cheesecracker sitting on the steps to the bank. He's fanning himself with one hand and glowering at the camel nearby. "It's way too hot here," he mutters. "I wish I had ice cream."

Hamlet scowls. "How did you get here so fast? I told you we were here thirty seconds ago."

"Teleport. I'm done ruining my boots."

"Walking is good exercise."

Cheesecracker rolls his eyes. "Anyway, Freak, remember when you mentioned cookies?"

I think hard, probably twisting my face in the process. No, I don't really. "Nope."

He wiggles his eyebrows dramatically as if preparing to unveil a deep, dark secret. "Well, ice cream is from the same place as cookies. The real world."

Hamlet gives me a concerned side glance. Has our friend gone insane? This is the real world, isn't it?

"What is this then?" Hamlet demands.

"A game." Cheesecracker's words echo, and suddenly the world goes white.

A face looms over mine, and the first thing I realize is: it's not made of pixels. I glance around, realizing that this is a public place because random people wouldn't be wandering around my home. It's a convention, and the creature looking at me in disgust is my sister.

"You've been playing for hours. It's time to go home," she whines.

"Where am I?"

"Mom made me bring you to the Runescape Convention. You were trying out the virtual reality mode." She points out the headgear and goggles that I had been wearing.

"Is your brother okay?" A guy, maybe two years older than me, is smiling at us. There's something very familiar about him. Then the guy asks, "Are you Freak449?"

That name means something to me. Well, duh. My username. "Yep. And you are…"

"Redseed."

Yep, this guy had the same assurance as the Redseed in the game. I want to squeeze him to death, but I'm pretty sure that would have been weird. Warriors don't hug each other no matter how much they want to. Either way, I'm not sure what to say.

"Yo." A girl bounces up to Redseed. She's younger than we are. Even so, she narrows her eyes at me like I'm a sort of bug. Then I realize, she might just be slightly nearsighted. "Who's he?"

"This is Freak."

"Oh."

I don't know if that's a bad "oh" or a good "oh." By the way, my sis is sniggering, I'm guessing it's a bad one. "Are you Fireheart?"

"Dawn," she snaps. Talk about an awkward silence. Even Redseed (I should probably ask him his real name) looks a bit uneasy.

I'm desperate. So I say the first thing that comes to mind. "You want some ice cream? I'll buy for all of us." Cheesecracker and his ice cream…I wonder if Cheesecracker and Hamlet are here too.

"What?" Dawn raises a rather bushy yet well-shaped eyebrow. It's really cute.

"Ice cream," I repeat.

My sister gives me a pitying look. "I could use some ice cream. Since you're my brother's buddies…" She pauses and gives me a look as if she couldn't even fathom me having buddies. Real nice character, my sis. "You guys should come along too."

We're on our way to ice cream (there's a truck right outside, says a sign), about to exchange our real names, when someone runs into me. I yelp as the sharp edge of a table, which had once been filled with Jagex paraphernalia, pokes me in the shin. Oh, my dignity. And my shin…

"I'm sorry," says the creepiest voice I've ever heard. He doesn't sound very sorry. Jerk.

"Dad, leave him alone!"

There's a kid my age with his hand around the tail of some crazy man's shirt. The dude's eyes are bloodshot. He looks as if he hasn't shaved for days and dresses like a hobo (no offense to hobos). He pulls his ragged red plaid shirt from his son's grip and leers at me with yellow teeth.

"Let me guess who you are." His voice has a very familiar purr to it though he doesn't resemble a kitten in the least. "You're Freak. You have the same clueless air."

Behind the scary man, the kid smiles at me fondly. No way…Bluestar! And so this must be…

"Luxon." I sprint away for my life. Forget ice cream. The man who called himself Luxon is mad as heck, and he pursues to strangle the life out of me.

"Who is that lunatic?" I hear Dawn say. The rest of the conversation floats away as I flee. There are people in cubicles everywhere, generally if unintentionally hindering my escape. Wearing a fancy helmet and cool-looking goggles, they're all conked out, their heads against the tables. Still playing the game, probably.

"Holy cow!"

Luxon is suddenly in front of me. "You made me lose my character!" he hisses.

"You were a jerk," I reply. "I'm very sorry to say you deserved it!" There's more bravado in my words than in my knees; they're shaking like mad. After all, if I remember correctly, in this world, if you die, you definitely don't come back. At least, not to this world.

"I could have been ruler of all of Runescape," he breathes. Thank goodness villains always have to rant before killing off the hero. "I practically was. I had the power to change all the rules thanks to Zamorak. He chose me, and then you come along. A noob comes along…and…"

"Dude, it's just a game," I remind him.

Luxon suddenly looks like I've insulted his mother. "A game. You think I devoted my entire life to…just a game?"

Uh. How to answer without offending this dangerous man? "You're a game designer then? That's pretty cool. I wish I could be, but computers are too complicated for me."

Luxon laughs. "You're an idiot. I was defeated by an idiot."

"And his friends." Maybe it'll make him feel better. After all, it wasn't just me. Wait…I'm not a **complete** idiot.

He gives a strangled cry and lunges for me. Of course, I have no way out of this one. Goodbye, world. I close my eyes and wait for the end. Then, when no hands wrap around my throat, I dare to open my eyes and peer around for the man who is on the verge of killing me. Had been, I should say, since the guy has been KO'd.

"I said I wouldn't let anyone kill you," Bluestar says. His knuckles are red, and so is the side of Luxon's face. "Especially this stupid drunkard."

"So, he's a jerkaholic."

Bluestar seems amused. "A jerk and an alcoholic. Well, he's my old man, so I'm stuck with him." He casually looks over his shoulder (and then I realize that he's as good-looking as his avatar in the game was!) when Dawn, Redseed and my sister appear. I smile sheepishly.

"Where were we?" I ask. The encounter with the real Luxon probably has destroyed a thousand brain cells; I was definitely scared out of my wits.

"Ice cream," Dawn prompts me, crossing her arms crossly.

"Let's go then. Bluestar, you should come too."

"Let's find Fireheart first," Redseed puts in. "She'll kill us if we leave her out."

Bluestar is grinning at his fingers now. His ears have turned a bit red too. I wonder what that means…Heck, I know what that means. He'll be making cow eyes at her as soon as we find her.

"Kill us in the game or out of the game?" Dawn asks.

"Both," Redseed replies with a laugh. Oh my. I'm worried for about thirty seconds before I realize they're joking. We gingerly pull Luxon to lie in the corner of the convention for the moment, or maybe for an hour or two. And then, flanked by Redseed, my sister, Bluestar and Dawn, I head off into the crowd to find our leader.

I trip. Yes, that's right! I trip. I would have fallen on my face if a not-so-gentle someone hadn't caught my arm and jerked me back. Dawn is shaking her head at me, but her arm never leaves the loop of mine as we continue our search for Fireheart.

Bluestar winks at me. I blush. Redseed gives me a nod. As for my sister, even she's smiling. I feel all supported and whatnot. Then, we find three people waiting for us near the ice cream truck. Fireheart. Cheesecracker. Hamlet. Okay, so Runescape's a game, but at that moment, friendship had never felt more real to me.


End file.
